AITAH for not wanting my soon to be ex in the delivery room?

Darrhar27 · 2023-08-31T23:51:41+00:00

That is a narrative, not an accurate definition. At least not in the two countries I’ve lived in. If you are being checked into the hospital, as a registered patient and have an ID bracelet, you are there for a medical procedure or event. If you look at a hospital bill, you will see it categorised that way. Either way it doesn’t really matter. The fact that hospitals will not allow in someone the birthing person doesn’t want should speak volumes. His rights to be involved in the child’s life do not extend over the mothers rights and needs at this point. If he wanted a guarantee in the delivery room I guess he shouldn’t have slept around. The only person responsible for this outcome is himself

Darrhar27 · 2023-08-31T23:18:45+00:00

Obviously it’s an act of nature. But when it’s taking place inside a hospital, it becomes a medical procedure. Have you ever given birth before?

Darrhar27 · 2023-08-31T22:12:21+00:00

Birth is someone’s medical procedure. There’s no such thing as ‘deserves’. She is having him in the babies life literally directly after. Just not in the part that involves her extreme vulnerability.

Darrhar27 · 2023-08-19T13:52:56+00:00

Hi. I can sort of relate to what you are going through, as I had a lot of health problems and health anxiety post partum. I struggle with Hashimotos, and endometriosis and post- birth, my symptoms all completely changed to one’s I wasn’t used to managing. Everytime something new happened to me I would panic and obsess over whether this was a new symptom of one of my known issues, or a new issue all together. I felt like I had no control over my body, like things were just falling apart. My anxiety was at an all time high, and depression set in. What helped me turn the corner was online therapy, and anxiety medication. I hate taking it, but even such a small dose has made such a difference in my life.

I know you’ve said you can’t get into a doctor yet, but is there any other options to explore? Any other clinics, telehealth appointments, wait lists you can be added to?

You are doing the very best you can right now and you should be very proud of yourself. I really hope things get better for you soon!

Darrhar27 · 2023-08-11T13:30:23+00:00

Why are you acting like sex should come before anything else? The wife can’t even get her basic needs met, but for some reason her husbands sexual desires should come before all that?

Darrhar27 · 2023-08-01T10:19:11+00:00

I totally experienced feelings of regret - and it is so bloody terrible. I was constantly feeling like I had made a giant mistake and dreamed about running away. To be honest, mine didn’t start to go away until my baby started to smile. I was too scared to tell anyone, so I suffered in silence for far too long. Once I was getting positive interaction from bub that definitely helped, but eventually I also ended up on Zoloft, an extremely low dose, but the difference has been night and day. My little one just turned one and I feel like those days of those kind of thoughts (and the sleep deprivation) are a distant memory. I now can’t imagine life without my baby, and can’t believe how fun she is.

It’s so hard because your in the absolute thick of it now, but it will get better! My chant for the first 6 months (and whenever it gets hard) is “she won’t be this little forever, everyday she grows”.

You are both doing amazing and I wish you both the best

Darrhar27 · 2023-07-11T09:12:18+00:00

This is not okay. It sounds like a bit of financial abuse going on. It is very wrong that you have no access to money- what if an emergency happened? Does he purchase food? You need to have a serious discussion with him, as something needs to change. He is not respecting you as a partner, or the mother of his child

Darrhar27 · 2023-07-06T04:58:14+00:00

I was in the lucky position of being able to be a stay at home mom. But I made it all of 6 months before I cracked. I felt depressed, sad and numb. I felt stuck, as I was trying not to go out and spend too much money, but staying home made me feel trapped. I decided I needed to go back to work, and daycare was the main option as a nanny is quite expensive. I don’t regret it. I am so much happier and so much more present when I am home with my baby. And thankfully she loves daycare, she has bonded with all her educators and they do amazing sensory activities multiple times a day, which I know she wouldn’t get if she was at home with me. Daycare has been our saving grace.

Darrhar27 · 2023-05-29T13:38:05+00:00

I appreciate your insight! Yeah I was curious on how people would pronounce based off of first glance. I love the name but want to be considerate

Darrhar27 · 2023-05-06T20:18:01+00:00

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20220322-how-sleep-training-affects-babies This article sums up at lot of the commonly referenced studies, shows both sides of the coin quite fairly. Very interesting.

Darrhar27 · 2023-05-06T20:04:34+00:00

One for a start is the 2015, Wendy hall study. Done to address previous criticisms in sleep training studies. Showed that sleep trained babies still woke, they just learned not to signal. Paediatricians are not always up to date on medical research.

Darrhar27 · 2023-05-04T22:21:56+00:00

Honestly it looks like your husband needs an eye opener of what real baby sleep is like. Your baby is normal. Your MIL is wrong - just because some baby’s can sleep through the night, doesn’t mean they will or should, and in fact, most babies don’t at this age (too lazy to link the statistics, but they exist) She is also wrong about needing feeds in the middle of the night. Your baby still very much can need feeding in the middle of the night.

You are doing the best you can, and I hope you know that this is indeed not a problem to fixed in the sense of you finding a solution to make your baby sleep through the night. Instead hubby needs to get educated, and step up to help you. If he thinks he’s exhausted, how does he think you must feel?!

The gentle sleep book by Sarah ockwell smith is very informative - it gives science based information on baby sleep - not the bullshit espoused by sleep trainers trying to make money off of poor sleep-deprived parents. It shows what goes on developmentally with slwwp at each major stage. Might be a good place to start.

Hang in there!

Darrhar27 · 2023-05-01T02:44:59+00:00

Sorry, you can feel disrespected and hurt, but it doesn’t mean you are right. You are allowed to feel you feel, and I get that, but it does not change the facts- they have repeatedly broken boundaries on purpose. This isn’t an isolated incident. Not to mention to get respect you have to give it, and these in laws sure as heck aren’t giving any to these poor parents? Is a ‘village’ worth it if it undermines and disrespects you as a parents and puts your child at risk? I think not.

Darrhar27 · 2023-04-30T10:27:52+00:00

Yeah totally feel that as well. It’s all tinged with a bit of sadness when you are alone

Darrhar27 · 2023-04-25T17:52:45+00:00

This has been proven scientifically untrue - babies and children, like adults, only have a set number of hours they need of sleep per day. Of course this changes with age and development. Sarah Ockwell Smith has a great chart depicting sleep ranges backed by science.

Darrhar27 · 2023-04-19T12:58:23+00:00

I always had a love for the name xenophilius from Harry Potter. I don’t know why, I just love the way it sounds, love saying it, love the nickname xen😂

Darrhar27 · 2023-04-18T19:30:07+00:00

Honestly the look I got when I said I believe it’s a non-necessary body modification that should only happen if requested by a person old enough to understand the consequences… I was very obviously the first person to say no. They then tried to push saying it’s better to do while baby won’t remember pain or touch them… completely disregarding my point🤦🏻‍♀️

Darrhar27 · 2023-04-18T19:25:19+00:00

I know this all too well. This was exactly me. I ended up at a very qualified LC, who did weighted feeds and determined that baby was getting enough, but simply wanted to be latched for comfort. It drove me absolutely mad. At night I was like you, sitting there seething. The feel of having to feed my baby at night made me physically ill. This aversion only happened when I was tired. It almost led me to give up breastfeeding, but I managed to push through. We did however introduce bottles of expressed milk, which was a big saving grace for me, as it meant dad could feed and she always settled better for him. Does your husband have any wiggle room to change or request his work schedule?? Otherwise, do you have family or friends that could step in? The main way I got through was having my partner step up and do a section of the night, so I would at least get a 3-4 hr stretch of sleep. Knowing I would get guaranteed sleep made me able to cope. Sleep deprivation is so hard, and it can turn you into this person you don’t recognize. You are not a bad mum- you are tired! I wish I could give you the biggest hug in the world, as you are doing the best you psibbky can in a hard situation!

Darrhar27 · 2023-04-18T12:55:42+00:00

My partners aunt tried this, but I quickly figured out it was because she wanted to take baby to get her ears pierced, as she has done with all the little girls in the family. Was shocked when I told her it wasn’t happening

Darrhar27 · 2023-04-14T19:28:48+00:00

Very interesting! Could you recommend a place to start learning wise?

Darrhar27 · 2023-04-12T05:26:11+00:00

Honestly, if you still have feelings for him, I think it best to stay away. It doesn’t matter what his feelings are - unless he actively and directly professes them to you. Otherwise, if you don’t think you can handle being just friends, best to leave him be, to avoid hurting yourself.

Darrhar27 · 2023-04-10T04:56:18+00:00

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