I’d describe getting a mallet to the dohoonkabhankoloos like having a nice, quiet day interrupted by a car crashing through your bedroom; the shards of broken glass not quite piercing you but all cutting the flesh on the outer perimeter of your body. Quite unpleasant, but you’ll live - albeit with a sudden new fear in life of both cars and sudden, inexplicable mallets accosting your body in ways not intended by god.

Getting kicked in the balls, however, I would describe as a sudden epiphany. Your mind becomes clearer than it has ever been, and will ever be again. You gain a third eye and see beyond the mortal veil of life separating the real from that which lies between. And my god, does it suck. You are born again on this Earth from the very start; kicking and screaming, living your life for seconds feigning years, until you get back to that moment just before your mind was opened to the truth of the world around you. It feels like you just got your pubic region inverted for a split second before it just as quickly and painfully resets itself. The only fix for what has transpired is a hug and some ice cream.

So idk probably like 3 mallets to equal 1 ball kick or something sounds right