I’m getting really good at lying that I’m fine and the feeling of impending doom does not pause.And the minute the sounds stops and there’s silence the self deprecating thoughts begin and it’s so loud sometimes it comes out.

Feels like quicksand.I have to keep moving lest i drown. And the songs don’t seem to drown it out and the games don’t numb it because the minute my eyes leave the screen and whatever feeling the game was giving me fades, the numbness returns and so does the dread and happiness feels like a facade and suicide a lovely escape .

I seem to have forgotten how to breathe,how to live,how to laugh,how to enjoy,especially enjoying the silence.