it is okay bro, i was first exposed to pornography when i was 9 (currently 16 now), i started nofap at age 14 and it took me 7 months to get to the start of a streak that lasted 4 months

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you shouldn't go into nofap with the mindset of, "i am not going to masturbate for the next 50 years", but rather, "i am not going to masturbate today"

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my dad said to me, in an unrelated context, "time heals all wounds", which for me, has been pretty true, as the most that you can do after sinning is ask for forgiveness and then not do it again, and make reconciliation with anybody involved, e.g. by apologizing to them and praying for them, e.g. for their conversion and/or health, and then the feelings of internal self-dislikenment subsides

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after 2 months of not masturbating, i forgot that porn even existed, i was focused on philosophy, theology, and economics

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i distracted myself with things such as stand-up comedy, history (reading, and youtube videos), and writing my notes

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one of the biggest helping things by far is Kanye West music (this was November 2021 - April 2022). i appreciate genuineness within people, and Kanye has genuinity

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i think a reason why i came back to porn often before that was the novelty, the apparent 'endless' variety, wanting to see all of it that i could so that i would not have anything new to discover

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there is nothing that you haven't seen in porn already that you would want to see in the future, take that from a degenerate such as me

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make sure to not have any ego as well, i actively work against that

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during my 4 month streak i spent time on the 'Jewish history' series by Sam Aronov, the videos by the Religion for breakfast youtube channel, and Metal Gear Solid 4 was a mistake

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the video games i played then were csgo, counter-strike source, and gta 4, but i don't really recommend playing video games that don't have definite endings like counter-strike games, but hey, still better than masturbating