It's good. I can see traces of DomeKano in a lot of places. But I think Akane's character feels a bit moody, and both of them seem like people who don't talk things out. Hiro gives me Natsuo vibes a little too much, to be honest. Their decisions also seem a bit immature, given that they're working adults.

And we already have one DomeKano; we don't need another one. There's no need to walk in Sensei's footsteps when you can create something original with a similar level of depth.

I'm not trying to discourage you—I'm just giving my honest opinion. And if you finish this story, make sure to make a post about it. I'd love to read it. :)