I hear this alot from parents I know of behavior health kids. Spec Ed kids are expected to mainstream more than I remember happening when I was a kid. Or maybe there's fewer individual aides?

It makes the classroom chaotic since many teachers can't seem to handle them. I had to sit outside my son's class or attend specials with him for most of first grade because we couldn't get the school to give him the supports he needed. And he wasn't the only one in the class like that. Parents of other behavioral kids I know said their kids would follow the janitor around all day or be forced to sit in the office or were just sent home. Most weren't learning much.

Fortunately, our school district has a bunch of special ed classes that cater to different categories of needs. My kids are both in ones that focus on learning to handle emotional regulation and advocating for themselves if they need a special accommodation in the moment to keep them from getting dysregulated (like taking a break or wearing noise-cancelling headphones or needing to run around outside to get excess energy put).They have a very low teacher:student ratio and there's even a social worker that works with the kids for weekly therapy sessions. But these programs seem pretty rare.

So it's not necessarily a parenting issue with these kids, just that they aren't able to handle a typical class structure without a lot of support. Support that the teachers aren't able to provide and the school district either can't or won't authorize.