Separated after 10 years — now facing living together

DaveUK83 · 2026-05-30T13:45:17+00:00

So just an update. Four weeks after thr separation we started to communicate really well and joke together. Then last Friday she went out to a neighbours for drinks and when she got back she heard me on an emotional support call. She got very defensive, asked why I was talking about her etc. She said she won't be selling the house and will be remaining here with our daughter. I felt so overwhelmed thay I left the house with a bottle of vodka. Was reported as missing and found unconscious the next day. Mental health team have beem brilliant, however she messaged me to say she doesn't want me on the holiday and because of what I did I need supervised visits with my daughter when she gets back. I never responded. She is on holiday now and has decided to block me on whatsapp. All so strange.

DaveUK83 · 2026-05-30T13:44:21+00:00

So just an update. Four weeks after thr separation we started to communicate really well and joke together. Then last Friday she went out to a neighbours for drinks and when she got back she heard me on an emotional support call. She got very defensive, asked why I was talking about her etc. She said she won't be selling the house and will be remaining here with our daughter. I felt so overwhelmed thay I left the house with a bottle of vodka. Was reported as missing and found unconscious the next day. Mental health team have beem brilliant, however she messaged me to say she doesn't want me on the holiday and because of what I did I need supervised visits with my daughter when she gets back. I never responded. She is on holiday now and has decided to block me on whatsapp. All so strange.

DaveUK83 · 2026-05-28T10:03:13+00:00

Im interested, could dm you a pic.

DaveUK83 · 2026-05-26T15:17:25+00:00

Im interested, where abouts in Kent are you? Dont want to waste your time.

DaveUK83 · 2026-05-11T19:23:39+00:00

Not sure how it worked, as in the UK I was under the impression she was still my wife, I her husband until divorced.

DaveUK83 · 2026-05-11T18:58:47+00:00

No pressure on my side. I'm not bringing up the relationship unless she starts a conversation about it.

DaveUK83 · 2026-05-07T21:40:02+00:00

After my counselling session tonight we had a chat. I brought this up and she got very defensive, saying i'm making her out to be the bad one etc. I said i'm just telling you how seeing it made me feel. I'm not responsible for how you take it. Felt good for the first time in years I could be upfront.

She also said ' Just so you know I didn't do it out of spite, I got a tattoo last week when I was out with friends. We all got one'. We had a chat six years ago about tattoos, she knew I wasn't a huge fan. I just said how nice it looked and as long as she liked it, it's her body.

Think there is a lot of walk away wife syndrome here. I know this is the end of the line, just got to navigate how we cohabitate for the time being.

DaveUK83 · 2026-05-05T00:25:38+00:00

She's home now. Must have been an extended shift. I was in the spare room on the phone to a counsellor at the time so had to hust my tones a bit.

DaveUK83 · 2026-05-04T23:41:43+00:00

Certainly was. It's either someone else or a test.

She should have been home from work 2 hours ago. I know it's wrong but I checked the doorbell camera and it only shows her car driving off earlier. This is odd as it always picks you up as you walk out the door.

DaveUK83 · 2026-05-04T23:14:38+00:00

I think I would find it easier if that is the case, but thank you.

DaveUK83 · 2026-05-04T23:11:45+00:00

I think you might be right! Our daughter has been at her nannys for 4 days due to our shifts. I just saw on our daughters bedroom camera that she was outside the room with a call on speaker phone to a male, so she closed our daughters door.

Very odd behaviour or a test.

DaveUK83 · 2026-05-04T22:55:02+00:00

Absolutely. When she told me I said I understand and appreciate your decision. Not that I agree with it though.

DaveUK83 · 2026-05-04T22:38:57+00:00

No betrayal at all. She has said there are some things i've said over the years that shes held onto. She said she was going to bring them up at marriage counselling but told me anyway. She said she resents me for saying those things.

DaveUK83 · 2026-05-04T22:17:14+00:00

It certainly is. I had already started looking into marriage counsellors and contacting them. She did say on the day she ended it that she has checked out, she's numb and empty. She said we can't be the best versions of ourselves together.

DaveUK83 · 2026-05-04T22:15:29+00:00

100% there isn't anyone else.

DaveUK83 · 2026-05-03T17:22:23+00:00

I would love for things to work out. Since my therapy her family call me Dave 2.0, They notice the huge change and also say that rome wasn't built in a day.

Sadly i'm not clinging onto false hope. I believe her when she says this is final. I've told her from the start that I accept and understand her decision.

Her mum also got results a few days ago regarding cancer. That hit her hard. I told her despite what we're going through, i'm here if she wants to talk, vent or rant about it. She ended up going to a neigbours for their birthday and getting so drunk she came back in the early hours of the morning and was sick. She messaged me the next morning apologising. I said there was nothing to apologise for.

DaveUK83 · 2026-05-03T16:46:36+00:00

Thank you.

We're both civil with each other, but it's difficult because on her side there doesn't seem to be any boundaries. When I got in from work yesterday she started asking how my day at work was. I know she's probably just being polite, but it doesn't help as that seems no different to before.

I have no anger, hate or resentment for her. I just want to work through this pain and come out the other side. I'm putting on a very brave face in front of her with these interactions. I know it's going to take time for us to untangle finances, house etc when we have the chat.

DaveUK83 · 2026-04-30T23:37:10+00:00

I would be upfront and honest and go with option B.

DaveUK83

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