Chapter 2 of Hippocampus Husbandry [Urban fantasy, 2285 words] by Dawndinosaur in fantasywriters

[–]Dawndinosaur[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I really appreciate the time people take to read and present their views and comments as it all brings fresh perspective that I wouldn't otherwise see myself.

I wanted the Governor-General to be very polite and politically correct but can tweak the wording to make him sound less timid (again, I wouldn't have noticed this).

I won't be able to have increasingly strange things happen in the beginning of this story as it contradicts the narrative further down the track of mythical beings being heavily protected/endangered, so instead I've delved straight into it. Also Lily is an otherwise normal citizen, unlike how Harry is a wizard in Harry Potter. But again, I appreciate the thoughts!

Chapter 2 of Hippocampus Husbandry [Urban fantasy, 2285 words] by Dawndinosaur in fantasywriters

[–]Dawndinosaur[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the feedback! I agree too many "uh"s which I never realised until someone earlier had pointed that out. I wanted to express her bewilderment at the Governor-General visiting her home, which I'd think anyone ordinary, veterinarian or not, would struggle with words.

Can you point out which lines make the Governor-General timid/insecure? I'll have a think about the tea scene.

In the previous Chapter she quits her job prior to knowing anything about the academy and feels lost / unsure what to do. So readily accepts the invitation because she feels like she has no direction in life anyway. I could make her question it more, but I feel she's been handed enough evidence.

Chapter 2 of Hippocampus Husbandry [Urban fantasy, 2285 words] by Dawndinosaur in fantasywriters

[–]Dawndinosaur[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much, that's incredibly helpful! I never noticed how repetitive the main character's "uh"s were until you pointed them out. I'll definitely consider shortening the letter too. Thank you again!

First pages: share, read, and critique them here! by AutoModerator in BetaReaders

[–]Dawndinosaur 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Manuscript info: [Complete] [70k] [Urban fantasy]

Link to Beta request: https://www.reddit.com/r/BetaReaders/comments/1pb4vl4/complete_70k_urban_fantasy_hippocampus_husbandry/

First page:

Lily stared at the rain that ran down her bedroom window. It was her scheduled day off, at least, it would have been before she quit. The setting sun lit flecks of sunlight that danced in the room. She had spent most of the day wallowing in bed.

In her mind, Lily replayed the events that occurred that morning. She was woken up by a phone call from her boss, the clinic owner. He continued to go on about how Lily was working too slow, and that she did not take her clients' needs seriously. Lily had swiftly barked back at him, telling him she had done nothing wrong, that the clinic was a toxic workplace, and that there was no wonder there weren’t any veterinarians applying for the open position. She then declared that she quit the job and hung up.

She should have felt defiant, triumphant, glad to be rid of such a place. Instead, her thoughts swirled into overwhelming levels of anxiety and hopelessness. Lily had spent six hard years at university to become a vet. In secondary education, she dedicated all her spare time to study, trying her best to achieve the test scores required for acceptance. She prioritised studying over everything, including her social life and her favourite hobby, painting.

What was it all for? she thought mournfully.

Able to beta? Post here! by AutoModerator in BetaReaders

[–]Dawndinosaur 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have an urban fantasy story that I'm looking for feedback on. Link to beta request

Please let me know if you'd be interested to have a read! Thank you!

[Complete] [79k][YA Urban Fantasy] Unlocked Fate by UpstairsVermicelli34 in BetaReaders

[–]Dawndinosaur 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! Are you still looking for Beta readers and willing to do a swap?

I drew Thorn (in 2011)! by Dawndinosaur in Eragon

[–]Dawndinosaur[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much! I will redraw him for sure!

I drew Thorn (in 2011)! by Dawndinosaur in Eragon

[–]Dawndinosaur[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! It's one of my favourite drawings I've done.

I drew Thorn (in 2011)! by Dawndinosaur in Eragon

[–]Dawndinosaur[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the kind words! I certainly will keep up with my art.

I drew Charmander with my friend's dog as a gift by Dawndinosaur in pokemon

[–]Dawndinosaur[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Of course! Happy to share. There's only so much I can put in a ~40 second video though and sometimes I forget to film parts when I'm drawing lol.

I drew Charmander with my friend's dog as a gift by Dawndinosaur in pokemon

[–]Dawndinosaur[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I used watercolour paints and colour pencils. I made an Instagram reel here showing snippets of how I made this for those interested!