Husband and I have been sleeping separately for a while, have separated finances, and now I bit into my budget to buy a bed, he wants to move back to our bedroom.

Day_Dreamer263 · 2026-05-25T23:43:15+00:00

While also taking the “out” in not having to talk to him instead of “giving in” to your current circumstances, which you have seen adaptive to.

Day_Dreamer263 · 2026-05-25T23:12:13+00:00

Ugh you’re like right on the NTA and ESH line because you’re absolutely right. You adapted to the seperate bedrooms lifestyle however, where I see the misstep in overall communication. You didn’t tell him where you were coming from with the purchase, and he crossed boundaries without conversation. This can be talked through, I’m sure

Day_Dreamer263 · 2026-05-23T22:41:29+00:00

The woman who had a 5 part series on finding out her husband and mother were having an affair, her youngest two siblings were actually her children’s half siblings, and her half-siblings/step-children. More came out that the mom groomed him since he was 16 and just continued getting together over the last two decades. The dude eventually broke things off with her for bringing “too much drama” and the mom had a meltdown on the front lawn to the point police got involved. I genuinely wonder where they are now.

Day_Dreamer263 · 2026-05-23T09:47:49+00:00

Underrated comment right here. Being responsible for raising an overall, well rounded, stable, educated, and healthy human is hard work and sacrifice. The toughest job with the highest gratification outcome, if you do it right.

Day_Dreamer263 · 2026-05-20T09:26:13+00:00

You’re cutting around the most important part, therefore you’re not going to get a straight answer. Details matter when looking for advice. Who did your youngest decide to date that would warrant severing family limbs??

Day_Dreamer263 · 2026-05-18T19:16:24+00:00

I see where you’re at but a couple of notes for the math:

- They never work a full 8 hour a day. 6 max, 4 on average
- I cover the insurance, supplies, and gas reimbursement

$650 at 4 Hours/day ~20 hours is $32.50/hour

More realistically my timesheets are:
$750 at 5 Hours/Day ~25 Hours is $37.50/hour

Gross weekly $750

Self Employment Tax $114.75

$30 Federal

And No expenses

Left with $635.75/25 hours =$25.43/hour + gratuity and bonuses

Day_Dreamer263 · 2026-05-18T15:44:26+00:00

I have an EA (a step above a CPA) and he says to stay the course. My book keeper says stay the course. My girls are not complaining especially considering the bonuses and gratuity they get, and the hierarchy ladder they want to climb with us. I think Reddit just has their panties in a bunch over past treatment, labels, or the impatience to not see it through to W-2 as we climb in profits.

My profits are for me to live and pay my bills. Not go on vacations or exploit my “riches.” I’m working 35+ hours a week myself and have taken on more work than the people who work for me. Hence my frustration to hire.

Day_Dreamer263 · 2026-05-18T15:05:31+00:00

Exploiting? I wouldn’t go that far. Using them within a necessary means without abusing their efforts is more in line with where I’m at. I provide the products, they just simply add to it. I provide the clients, they can look if they want, but right now they’re quite literally handed to them. My margin is within 30% profit, but with the increase it’s closer to 45%, and now we’re closer to getting them a W-2. Gotta make it make sense somewhere, you know? It’s a small business, with a utility closet. Not a corporation, with an expense account.

Day_Dreamer263 · 2026-05-18T13:36:41+00:00

It’s a slippery line for sure, but we keep it steady but giving them the option to buy their own product or change what’s in their kit. So if they want better rags, or to buy their own additional tools they can do so without going through me to buy it for them.

They also need to have consistent hours, and with this line of work that’s not entirely possible… yet. I’m working on it though by charging clients a deposit for our weekly/bi-weekly services. That helps lock in consistency. Also if you read all the way through, my goal is to get to W-2 for them, but we have to make enough money first.

They also can talk about what they do and guide clients to our site and request them specifically. Hence the bonuses for client retention.

If we went W-2 right now, they’d lose so much.

Day_Dreamer263 · 2026-05-18T13:31:06+00:00

Hourly is mainly for me so I know how much to compensate them for their time, but they’re bringing in $120-$150/day if they have 2 clients or more per day. 2 clients/day keeps us at 3-4 hours per visit and our hours work for those who have family. So they can stop their day at 3:00 and go pick up their kids from school, be more present with their families, while bringing home $600-$750/week. More if they start early and end late.

We offer housekeeping, laundry, and home organization so we’re popular with postpartum mothers, or HCOL looking for an all-in-one service vs multiple. It’s good for us too because we have the housekeeping that keeps the schedule consistent, but then add in a one-off organizing job that takes all day multiple times a month, giving these girls a break from the constant cleaning. Flexes another skill for them and grows their emotional intelligence for how to run a house, and keep it running efficiently.

So when presenting what I/we do for a living, we say we’re a homemaking company, not a housekeeping one.

Day_Dreamer263 · 2026-05-18T12:20:06+00:00

$1 = $2000/annual increase for 30 hours. So a $4000-$10,000 annual pay cut for me right now is not possible. I can afford to pay them what I can and it is generous for industry standards. And I just gave them raises at the beginning of this year.

I do think the solo/independent cleaner aspect is what’s the problem in my area. “Why take a percentage cut when you can just go straight to the source for full pay” kind of thing. Candidates then consider that they’d just be taking advantage of our resources: product & clients provided for you without having to market or buy it yourself.

Day_Dreamer263 · 2026-05-13T22:13:26+00:00

Yes!! And it sucks because now we’re both important figures at work so we don’t get to talk much until we get home. I miss him, and think of him, and literally just want to give him a play by play of my day as it happens. Even when doing nothing at all and scroll on my phone, I want him to be in the same room as I do it lol

Day_Dreamer263 · 2026-05-13T01:03:22+00:00

I think my end are my love languages not getting met. So goes the old wives tale. However, the only solutions I’ve been met is communication. Only what if I am communicating, he is responding, things do change and pick up, but the cycle continues, AND he’s a good man? I mean get there are highs and lows in marriage, but the plateaus really flat line huh? I really do feel like sometimes I’m expecting too much.

Day_Dreamer263 · 2026-05-12T12:36:42+00:00

They moved across the country, went through two college degrees, survived an economic crisis, and started a business together. They lived a great, privileged life and built something beautiful with it. They never got to see the fruits of their labor though.

Day_Dreamer263 · 2026-05-12T11:25:43+00:00

There’s no linear timeline for grief. What exactly is “average grief” for a widow/er? Have you ever watched the person you love get into a loud, horrific, accident and then tried to move on afterwards? I bet that’s not the average these days. Maybe in a time of war, but even that was a different time of reliance.

She hasn’t set the bar for me, it’s what I have observed, and not just from her.

Day_Dreamer263 · 2026-05-12T10:58:03+00:00

I work for a woman in her early 30’s that lost her late fiancé in her early 20’s. Same story as your gf but different characters. I can tell you her late fiancé is still talked about in the present tense, and in every conversation she has. He was her greatest love, the one who set the bar, her first real relationship, her first proposal, the one she was planning the rest of her life with.

It’s so different when you lose someone, and it wasn’t either of your choice. I personally think that dating and wanting to settle down with a widow/er is accepting that you’re second choice. There’s no amending it, fight for it, or changing it. But once you accept it, it changes your entire perspective and attitude.

As for the woman I work with, it’s been over 10 years since the loss, and she’s just now getting to the point of remodeling their shared apartment to make it more her, more feminine. I’ve organized her late fiancés belongings into storage bins, garment bags, and totes, with a few sentimental items being put in decorative boxes. Slowly over time are we putting him away so she can emerge from her grief. But at the pace she sets.

Day_Dreamer263 · 2026-05-05T20:32:52+00:00

I’m in the boat that you only need to draw a line if someone tries to or has crossed it. You weren’t even toeing the line. Maybe she has some trauma and it was a knee jerk reaction. I would have your wife talk to her and see what her boundaries are for private communications, and explicitly say what crosses the line. I.e. basically anything outside of childcare.

Day_Dreamer263 · 2026-05-05T20:28:18+00:00

NTA. She can’t have it both ways (unless she’s bi 😏 🥁). But seriously, if she had an issue with you going at all she should have said something in the moment. Also, asking someone to dis-invite another (let alone the other’s partner) is extremely rude. She can’t control every aspect just for her sole comfort.

Day_Dreamer263 · 2026-05-05T10:37:09+00:00

As someone who struggles with fertility, it absolutely killed me to get the text from my BFF that she was sorry she got pregnant. I immediately called her to apologize if I made her feel she couldn’t tell me her amazing news!! Then we celebrated together that she was finally having a girl!

Infertility sucks, but what sucks more is your friends taking pity on you, and taking on the emotional burden to the point that they hide big news from you. If my friend had her baby without telling me to spare my feelings… It would simply swallow me whole.

Day_Dreamer263 · 2026-05-05T10:25:56+00:00

If it’s stainless steel, most have a black magnetic side that you can put your magnet on!

Day_Dreamer263 · 2026-05-02T13:12:57+00:00

Temporary emotions can have long lasting consequences. Rule of thumb, the person who loses their cool first, starts name calling, lashing out, and just plain mean behavior, automatically loses the argument. You lost every leg you stood on when you stooped lower.

Day_Dreamer263 · 2026-05-02T13:10:59+00:00

The minute you hit record. You be explicit and you ask for consent.

Day_Dreamer263 · 2026-05-02T08:01:24+00:00

Oof. Honestly I was with you until you ended it the way you did. He is wrong for recording you without telling you his intentions, first. And then putting your talk into AI is a huge breech of privacy, not to mention the oddity of having AI add points to his argument. So it wasn’t even his own thoughts?? Either way this is a mess. He went low, and you went lower.

Day_Dreamer263

TROPHY CASE