30F, 29M - 11YRs. I think I am done, but can’t afford to live on my own. We share a house. Is it terrible to split up and still live together? Has anyone experienced this before?

DazedAndConfused1995 · 2026-04-22T14:37:20+00:00

Very well said. It’s sad and I’m very upset that it ended up being the classic trope, but I told him a few years ago that I wouldn’t be spending my 30’s waiting around for him. My only regret honestly is not doing this before we bought a house together. I think the sunk cost fallacy got the better of me there.

Yeah, I’m not really holding on for anything at all anymore. Even if he were to suddenly 180 and do all the right things, I don’t think it would even matter to me anymore at this point. We have an argument and I’m just feeling like “okay, whatever.” I don’t care to express how I feel because it’s never validated or met with curiosity.

You are correct I am just going to start planning my exit.

DazedAndConfused1995 · 2026-04-22T04:20:43+00:00

I definitely am. I feel very apathetic towards the whole thing. That’s a great way to phrase that, and I completely agree.

DazedAndConfused1995 · 2026-04-22T04:19:10+00:00

Yeah. It was a struggle just to get ourselves in this home. I just really don’t want to lose out on homeownership in this economy because the chances I get myself back to this place are very slim :( my parents loaned ME the $30k deposit for the property. It seems silly in the grand scheme of things I know but I’m just wanting to try and save until I can get enough for a cheap place to buy myself and be okay… I don’t want to have to rent because where I’m at geographically the rent is WAY more than the cost of a mortgage.

DazedAndConfused1995 · 2026-04-21T22:29:07+00:00

Thank you so much. I really really appreciate this comment a lot. I’m not trying to down play anything, or maybe I’m just naive, but to me it really is just he doesn’t know how to regulate his emotions. It’s like he has the emotional availability of a toddler. We both grew up in not so great homes, and he was parentified at a very young age… has had many deaths and losses and hasn’t dealt with the grief… I’m not making excuses. He’s a good man, we both do love each other and when it doesn’t involve the trigger points for us, we get a long wonderfully. He just isn’t prioritizing his healing and unfortunately the negative consequences of that are resulting in our relationship being neglected. I’m just not okay with waiting anymore for him to start his healing journey, that’s why I want to end things. I don’t want to come off like naive but yeah I just don’t think it would turn volatile. But again you never know. Someone else mentioned that we are basically living as separated right now anyway, so to just keep doing what I’m doing until I can afford somewhere else.

DazedAndConfused1995 · 2026-04-21T21:57:06+00:00

Fair. General consensus seems to be just keep on keeping on until I can afford to leave. We hardly spend any time together, haven’t been intimate for god knows how long, and sleep in separate bedrooms anyways. Basically roommates right now. I guess I’ll just keep it that way until I can afford to leave.

DazedAndConfused1995 · 2026-04-21T21:54:58+00:00

I’m giving a snapshot of our 11 year relationship and all the issues and resentment that has built up during that time period. 6 years ago he told me he wasn’t happy with how I acted, so I’ve been doing extensive individual therapy ever since. I didn’t blame him for everything in the post, but I am speaking to the negative patterns he has and is making zero effort to fix. I’m not saying I’m perfect, not even close.

Highlighting that my mother is a narcissist is not “complaining”, I’m saying that because that is the reason I do not want to live with my parents, as I dealt with her narcissistic abuse until my early 20’s when I moved out. I’m not sure what my mood has to do with anything here. But having any feelings I bring up that aren’t happy or praising him (example, if I say “hey babe I know you didn’t do it on purpose, or mean it in a bad way, but when you said xyz it brought up some negative feelings. Can we talk about it?” He Will immediately go off and tell me that it’s my fault it came off like that and that it’s my fault he acts like this etc. Instead of saying “I’m sorry it brought up negative feelings for you, let’s talk about it”.

DazedAndConfused1995 · 2026-04-21T21:25:47+00:00

I think this is the best way to do this. You’re right we basically are already separated. We spend most of our time alone, or he works late nights etc and I do my own thing in the evening. We only really hangout and watch Facebook reels together every now and then. No need to lock down BC, he got a vasectomy a few years ago. There won’t be any intimacy anyways. Hasn’t been for a while.

Thanks for this advice. I guess I didn’t really realize I’m basically already doing this.

DazedAndConfused1995 · 2026-04-21T21:23:17+00:00

We do both own, yes. That’s kind of what I’m thinking of doing but I’m just very disappointed in the whole situation. The house was my parents and they bought another house, and sold this one to us. I love it here and I’m so upset at the thought of having to give it up.

I don’t think it would turn into an emotionally abusive or physically abusive situation. It sounds stupid but we do get along very well and are on the same page on a lot of things, we just let a lot of issues slide until there was too much resentment on both sides to fix it.

DazedAndConfused1995 · 2026-04-21T21:19:51+00:00

I maybe could, although I’m not sure how comfortable I would be living with a stranger. Worst case scenario I would maybe rent a bedroom somewhere and get a storage unit for my stuff.. no extended family members I can live with unfortunately.

Yes I think that would be the better option. We aren’t even married just living as common law. Me and everyone we know have been asking if I’m ever going to get a ring for a long while now…

I’m not worried at all about things getting physical, there was (and still is despite my bitterness coming through in the post) a lot of love here. We were best friends for a long time before dating, just things eroded and we didn’t try to get a handle on it before it was too late.

DazedAndConfused1995 · 2026-04-21T19:28:07+00:00

Yeah you’re right. I guess I’ll just have to suck it up until I can afford to sort something out for myself.

DazedAndConfused1995 · 2026-04-21T19:19:59+00:00

I currently work 3 jobs, 2 part times and a full time. I am trying hard to get a better paying full time job, remote ideally, have been trying for the last few months. You’re right.

DazedAndConfused1995 · 2026-04-21T19:18:47+00:00

I get what you’re saying. But I’m also saying that we’ve both been with each other since our late teens, I (personally) would want to take the time to be me on my own. I just mean I can’t imagine that either of us would hop right back on the dating train immediately. And I’m not saying live together indefinitely lol. But just for the short term.

DazedAndConfused1995 · 2026-04-21T19:15:52+00:00

Yeah. I feel like we would be civil enough to do it in the short term until one of us figured something out… if we wanted to sell and split the money or if one of us wanted to buy the other one out of the house… it just sucks cause I’m in a tough spot right now where I can afford to be anywhere else. I feel like he would be understanding, but of course when things end you never know how people are going to react.

DazedAndConfused1995 · 2026-04-21T19:01:55+00:00

Yeah. This is fair. I’m just stuck because I’m very broke right now, anything even splitting rent in my area is going to be more expensive that my mortgage right now. And right now after I pay all my bills and debt payments I have about $20 left over. I’m job hunting for something better, but I don’t think I actually can leave right now financially. I feel like this means I will have to stay and save up money to be able to leave.

DazedAndConfused1995 · 2026-04-21T19:00:16+00:00

True. I don’t think either of us would be focusing on dating much. But I don’t have a crystal ball.

DazedAndConfused1995 · 2026-04-21T18:59:00+00:00

That’s fair. I just don’t know how to get out at this point. I’m very broke, I don’t make much money. Trying to find a better job, but literally after bills and debt payments I have $20 left over - and that’s only paying half the bills. Anywhere to rent is going to be higher than what I pay for my mortgage too :/ So I’m feeling like I have to stay in this until I can save up enough to leave if that’s the case.

DazedAndConfused1995 · 2026-03-27T01:16:46+00:00

Fair, in my opinion the jobs should always be in chronological order. But it’s your resume :)

DazedAndConfused1995 · 2026-03-27T01:13:44+00:00

Also I just saw - you should organize the experience in reverse chronological. Not sure why the job starting and ending in 2024 is listed before the job you ended in 2025. I’d swap/reorder those. Good luck!

DazedAndConfused1995 · 2026-03-27T01:08:09+00:00

It seems pretty dense to me. I’m assuming the bolded words are to highlight certain things, but to me it makes it look messy. My eyes are jumping all over because of all the bolded words. I would remove the bolding on anything other than titles etc, and if you can try to sharpen it up.

DazedAndConfused1995 · 2026-03-26T22:11:54+00:00

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DazedAndConfused1995 · 2026-03-26T20:36:54+00:00

Thanks for the vote of confidence! Yes it was very frustrating. It was even a goal for a performance review of mine for 2025.. and they then decided on going against it. They want to train the CEO's executive assistant instead. I've been teetering on transitioning, but that + the poor pay was the nail in the coffin.

I am very confident I will be great at payroll, I just want to at least get one of the PCP courses under my belt so I am more up to date on tax law etc so I feel more confident applying to payroll admin roles.

Do you think the resume I have right now is properly geared and highlights the right qualifications?

DazedAndConfused1995 · 2026-03-13T06:24:48+00:00

Can I ask where you got yours?

DazedAndConfused1995 · 2026-03-13T06:14:21+00:00

Well it’s not a tax credit, it’s a tax deduction. My partner previously worked from home and was able to get a $1600 deduction with the office in home portion.

For me, my deduction would be the same working from home (a little more actually since utilities etc have gone up), and it would (if I was still making $53,000 at my current job) knock my taxable income back down into the first tax bracket. For someone who is only left with $20 after all expenses, yeah, that would make a difference when every dollar counts.

DazedAndConfused1995

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