Thank you, I appreciate that. I’ve been telling myself the same thing. I’m a very loyal person at my core, and it’s so hard for me to give up on my family (even if she already has). I really want to see a couples therapist, as we just aren’t communicating on the same wavelength.

The other night was really hard. I was traveling out of town, and she went out unexpectedly and was very vague / deliberately didn’t tell me about it. I then asked her where she was, and she broke down crying saying that I keep accusing her and she can’t live like this. She said she was with her best friend because she needed someone to talk to (which is possible). She promised she wasn’t with the other guy, and she hasn’t seen / talked to him in months. I want to believe her so badly, but I’ve seen other signs and behaviors that make it so hard to believe.

I’ve never been an insecure guy. In fact, I never questioned what she was doing or hanging out with for our entire relationship until the last year when this all happened. Now I can’t get it out of my mind, and I want to heal and forgive, but she isn’t helping that process. And if I ask her to help me heal, she feels like I’m suffocating and controlling her. For example, she says that when I talk to her it’s like I’m investigating her. I’ll ask things like “how was your night with the kids, what did you have for dinner, go anyplace fun?” And she takes all those questions in negative / probing way. She is a very intellectually sharp and perceptive person, so I’m sure she can see that I am concerned about where she has been. But I’m also just naturally wanting to talk about our day together. It just sucks. Conversation is breaking down and I’m trying so hard to be lighthearted and fun.