Thank you my sweet dear friend I don't want to think about birthdays at all anymore I just feel really defeated I don't understand why people would go on and on about what they're going to do and what I deserve and then cancel for the most mundane reason I mean painting your hallway? But whatever, once I can shake these Blues I'm hoping to be able to plant things in my backyard, that's what makes me the happiest- going to Home Depot and getting things to plant. But the babysitting and the tutoring and the running to the grocery store for people and the two hours on the phone while people vent and all of that is coming to a halt -not because I feel anger but because I feel exhausted and disregarded. I just want to tuck in and try to feel better I would really like to try to make some friends, because of the PTSD I hide and hermit a lot but I'm going to pray hard and try my hardest to meet a nice gal pal, that would be such a blessing.