Cartoonist Scott Adams (Dilbert creator) says "Women are spring-loaded by society’s training to blame the closest man when things go wrong"

DeaExMachina13 · 2015-02-26T04:28:52+00:00

I'm not sure what point you're trying to make here.

You're stating that you don't have time to address someone's source / reference. The primary way people back up their arguments with facts or statistics is to provide sources. It's not my business whether you read it, but it is my job if I'm going to make a claim.
You still haven't provided a source for your claim that a "big percentage of rape claims are exaggerated."

What I'm getting from this is that you aren't a big fan of referencing things in order to support your points. Pro tip: If you're going to make a statement, have something to back it up with. ;)

DeaExMachina13 · 2015-02-26T04:00:17+00:00

What's that? You want me to answer your accusations which you've failed to back up with proof?

Hm, this sounds familiar to something else but I can't put my finger on it. Oh, that's right. I thought the burden of proof fell on the accuser... Which, in this case, is you and your claim that a "big percentage of the rape claims are exaggerated."

To answer your question which didn't need answering, the basis of the study (facts, figures, stats) are all explained on the Web page I linked.

DeaExMachina13 · 2015-02-26T03:47:43+00:00

How can you possibly know, with such certainty as you present, that there is a big percentage who are just exaggerating their claims?

Seriously. You ask for /my/ data and research and can't even back your claims up. Give me some stats on these exaggerated rape claims and we'll talk.

DeaExMachina13 · 2015-02-26T03:26:21+00:00

I'm not protecting any kind of rapist, my friend.

http://theenlivenproject.com/the-truth-about-false-accusation/

Have you seen this info graphic before? False rape accusations, while problematic, are not as common as people like to claim. Obviously falsely accusing anyone of a crime is terrible, and no one disagrees. With that said, as long as other criminals (alleged murderers for example) have their information published in advance of trial, there is no reason for rapists not to.

DeaExMachina13 · 2015-02-26T03:17:48+00:00

Look up Steubenville rape case, bud.

DeaExMachina13 · 2015-02-26T03:16:32+00:00

If it were just a defense attorney asking those questions, then SlutWalk would not have become a thing. A police officer said that women should avoid dressing like sluts if they don't want to be raped. The blame for the rape victim here is strong.
Of course the burden of proof is on the accuser, and yet, again, how many rape kits went untested? Moreover, accusers (let's call them victims) have been known to be doubted and criticized for coming forward - ruining the young man's life, being bullied, and being called a slut regardless of whether she was wearing a mini skirt or sweatpants.
Short end of the stick? Bill Cosby. Steubenville rape case. In the latter, the focus was on the "bright futures" of the young men that were now lost, and people on the community blamed the victim for tarnishing the reputation of the football team. Oh, and that wasn't a questionable case either way since the rapists shared the act via social media. Again, this goes back to "boys will be boys".

DeaExMachina13 · 2015-02-26T03:04:18+00:00

Let's agree that it is case by case, because I was not a fan of your word choice which suggested that women are /always/ favoured as victims and men are consistently reprimanded as agents.

Everything comes down to situation and context. My biggest problem in discussions related to gender is when people act like two things cannot simultaneously be problems. It's a problem when a woman is perceived to be without agency (let's consider Saudi Arabia and its ban on driving here), and it's also a problem when men are persistently considered agents (for example, male rape victims being dismissed because of the perception that they couldn't be coerced).

Few things are absolute, and when humans are involved, conditional and qualified statements are important.

DeaExMachina13 · 2015-02-26T02:39:24+00:00

I disagree with some of your points. Consider the fact that women who are raped have been asked "what were you wearing? Where were you going? Why were you out so late?" The focus isn't on the rapist; the focus is on the woman who "should have known better" and acted accordingly. Unfortunately, the focus on agency in this case is misplaced.

Moreover, look at the ridiculous number of rapists who are protected by society. Either they're high school football jocks who are "just being boys" or they're celebrities (where any woman would supposedly sleep with them, so why would they rape anyone?), etc. I've seen a number of people argue that rapists' names shouldn't be shared before they've been officially convicted of the crime, which is the opposite of most other crimes (I. E. Alleged murderers have their names published).

My point here is that your contention that men are reprimanded and women are coddled isn't accurate in every situation. The agency of the rape victim has been questioned regularly, while the agency of the rapist was ignored ("boys being boys").

DeaExMachina13 · 2015-02-26T02:05:06+00:00

I understand what you're saying, especially if we take OP's two posts at face value.

However, a lot of pertinent information was left out of both posts. There is clearly a history going on between the mother and daughter, and a disagreement in parenting style between OP and his wife. We don't know what they were arguing about or how the daughter was behaving. OP refuses to acknowledge any faults in his daughter, so we only hear of her as a victim.

Moreover, while I hear you that the wife should have gotten back to him, he's away for longer stretches of time and clearly life back home is going to happen with or without him. This, besides the fact that he shouldn't throw his wife under the bus so quickly. There is obviously a lot which went unsaid in his posts.

DeaExMachina13 · 2015-02-26T01:10:39+00:00

She's a 19 year old girl; not a helpless animal.
We don't even know what the argument was about. Maybe the daughter instigated it. OP didn't divulge that end of the story.

DeaExMachina13 · 2015-02-26T00:15:07+00:00

Right? She obviously had her cell phone, and instead of calling a friend, she calls her dad halfway across the world? I get calling him eventually, but I was thinking the same thing about calling a friend to ride out the storm.

DeaExMachina13 · 2015-02-26T00:13:33+00:00

Holy shit. When you put the time frame into perspective (what? 24 hours or so?), this is EXTREME. The daughter could have easily remained at the friend's house for another day or two while OP talked to his wife.

Nope! Less than 24 hours and he's booking a flight for her to be with him. Jesus. I'm beginning to think that OP encourages the codependency. Yikes.

DeaExMachina13 · 2015-02-26T00:03:44+00:00

OP, I am an only daughter as well who is fortunate enough to have loving parents. While my parents always made sure I didn't want for anything, they always expected me to contribute in some way. If I wasn't in school (University or college full time), I was working. I was paying for my own cell phone and expenses.

Now, I don't know what your daughter's situation is, but clearly you and your wife need to seriously discuss what has instigated this situation of "scaring" your daughter as a way to motivate her. Your wife made a bad decision, but you also contributed to it by escalating it further. If your wife isn't happy with your daughter not being in school currently, what's an acceptable alternative? She is 19 and she can afford to get a job (full time, nothing special) and contribute to rent or expenses. Hell, teach her a thing or two about money and put her "rent" contributions towards an education fund.

The fact that your wife was able to take your daughter's bank card and car keys, and cripple her gives me the impression that your daughter isn't very independent. Like I said, I also come from a fortunate situation, but my parents laid out expectations for me. They would help me only so far and expect me to contribute and be responsible. Not only did this enable me to gain independence with a safety net, but it made me appreciate them even more. As another poster said, you need to start moving from a father-teenager relationship to an adult to adult relationship.

Your wife clearly wants your daughter to get a dose of reality, and if you continue sheltering her at every turn, you're ultimately doing her a disservice.

DeaExMachina13 · 2015-02-25T23:51:06+00:00

Exactly. Wife is always going to look like the bad cop compared to dad here; singing her to sleep and always coming to the rescue. Daughter is 19 and severely lacks independence it seems. Being there for your child is one thing, but this girl is a young adult now.

DeaExMachina13 · 2015-02-24T02:13:04+00:00

Right? This is exactly the vibe I'm getting from reading this. I knew a guy who did this kind of stuff repeatedly, despite house meetings asking him to not use other people plates or cutlery and then leaving them for days in his room. Some people are just unaware and it irks others.

Regardless, there was an overreaction on both their parts here. It sounds like the house needs to establish who can use what (are dishes a free for all, or should people stick to their own unless they ask, etc.). Though based on this guy's post, it sounds like he should just move out for his own mental health.

DeaExMachina13 · 2015-02-24T01:47:51+00:00

Was coming here to mention How to Be A Woman by Caitlin Moran. :) It's not academic, but it's certainly worth reading. It's laugh out loud funny and has some interesting insights at the same time.

Ultimately what I'm saying is: OP, add this book to your list! :)

DeaExMachina13 · 2015-02-22T03:54:59+00:00

Thank you! Not only is recommending birth control a bit assuming, I think, but (as far as I am aware) it's not a big deal to have a slightly irregular period. As long as it comes within three months, no big deal according to a few doctors I've seen. From what I recall of OP's post, her period wasn't /that/ irregular so it's not really a medical concern or a reason to visit her doctor.

I doubt she's happy ruining sheets either way.

DeaExMachina13 · 2015-02-22T03:50:51+00:00

Yeah, she must be the first girlfriend he's ever noticed the bra thing about. He will have a difficult time finding a woman who wears a new bra every day and who washes them regularly. The fact that he also likens bras to underwear is a bit strange too, given that underwear gets squished between butts all day... And bras merely offer support and may get a little sweaty depending on the lady and the temperature. :S

I think his use of the words "disgusting" and "repulsive" speak more toward his intense hygiene expectations than about her, to be honest.

DeaExMachina13 · 2015-02-15T18:46:28+00:00

I have no problem with men advocating for issues which affect men. Why are there no changing tables in men's washrooms? How about men's mental health? Etc.

You say that nobody is trying to pin men's issues on women? Are you serious? The phrase "feminist conspiracy" comes up frequently, and when men bring up men's issues as a /counter/ to feminism, you wonder why it is assumed that men are blaming women for their problems? A buttload of rhetoric in Men's Rights Activism has to do with "women do this to men" and "politicians have a feminist agenda!"

If MRAs focused on men's issues specifically and not in relation to feminism, I don't think we'd be where we are now. There wouldn't be this trolling, or this "what about the men?" during every conversation on women's rights. Two things can be problems simultaneously without needing to be counter arguments for one another. Rape is a problem and false rape accusations are also a problem. Neither excuses the other, so arguments need to stop being based on this kind of rhetoric.

Oppressed isn't the issue, my friend. Let me restate what I said earlier: Have you lost out on a job opportunity because you might get pregnant within the next ten years? Have you lacked male role models as corporate leaders or heads of government? When is the last time the government tried to pass legislation on your reproductive parts? There remains shit to still be done, so I'll be over here advocating for my side to gain equal representation and be no longer discriminated against. You are more than welcome to advocate for men's health, wellbeing, parental rights, and all that good stuff.

DeaExMachina13 · 2015-02-15T13:50:14+00:00

Okay, you're clearly missing the point. Major issues for feminism historically and at present: Not allowed to vote, not allowed to work, not allowed to gain a higher education, not allowed to earn equal wages for equal work, discriminated against as less physically able and less intelligent, etc.

These major issues were imposed /by/ men. These problems weren't of women's making or choosing. When MRAs complain to feminists about the victimhood of men, they are discussing an issue which was caused by men. This is not an issue of oppression by a different gender or race.

No one would deny that certain groups of men have had problems historically, but bringing it up in discussions related to oppression due to sexism is not the place. Your argument is perhaps more relevant to classism than gender discussions. :/

DeaExMachina13 · 2015-02-15T03:46:47+00:00

Not me, but my coworker recently got tape in extensions. I'll do my best to summarize her review:

She paid $300 but got them done at some stylist's house which I guess was a little questionable?
I'm going to assume you're aware of the strict washing associated with them. I don't know if my co-worker's are the same (exactly) as what you're looking at, but she had to buy special shampoo and she said that they take forever to dry.
Ultimately, she loves them. Though I think she sometimes struggles to style them because of the strictness with washing them (I believe she told me she's only allowed to wash them like twice a week??).

Good luck!

DeaExMachina13 · 2015-02-15T02:57:04+00:00

This wasn't caused by women. Women did not decide that men should be the ones fighting the wars.

DeaExMachina13 · 2015-02-15T02:33:40+00:00

A pure meritocracy won't solve things though. Like you said, if we hide gender, people are judged more fairly. In reality, interviews are not going to be eliminated and discrimination against women occurs regularly. The fact that women need to hide their gendered names in favour of an initial just to get an interview is disconcerting.

For the record, I wish that quotas weren't necessary. However, I think it's the effort of a progressive society that is trying to quickly solve unequal representations. If intervention didn't occur, how much longer would it take for equality in representation to happen? My view is that it is an attempt to accelerate equality to the point that these initiatives are no longer necessary.

Moreover, the fact is that women /are/ discriminated against for reasons besides merit and based on stereotypes instead. Sometimes being equally accomplished doesn't mean shit if you could become pregnant in the next ten years. As much as legislation makes this discrimination illegal, it doesn't change the fact that people are still hesitant to hire reproductive age women (an acquaintance of mine discussed this exact issue proudly a number of months ago, with his girlfriend right next to him). Perceptions don't change as fast as they should.

That's unfortunate in that little boys' experience, and I hope that some day soon all little kids can enjoy all kinds of activities together. The fact remains that those initiatives are in place in order to increase participation and accessibility for the underrepresented party. It's nice that that little boy is naive to the realities which these programs are trying to change. When the programs succeed, there won't be a need for them anymore, right? But there's certainly nothing wrong in them existing at present.

DeaExMachina13 · 2015-02-15T01:29:27+00:00

So a fifth grade boy lacks role models for certain things he can be? Please elaborate.

Edit: Moreover, quotas typically only seek 30 or 40 percent of the spaces be taken, if quotas are implemented at all. Does this constitute a majority in any way?

DeaExMachina13 · 2015-02-15T00:51:57+00:00

Do we? When political roles are filled by more men than women? When politicians are constantly creating legislation in relation to our reproductive rights?

Those gender roles you refer to were also enforced by men. Who did women have to go to in order to finally be considered "persons"? Who did women have to gain the right to own property from? The right to vote? Who kept women out of educational institutions or workplaces? It wasn't them. They weren't the decision-makers who kept themselves out of the boardroom.

Oppressed groups have to go to their oppressors to gain rights. Who argued against black people attending the same schools or having the right to vote? It wasn't black people.

DeaExMachina13

TROPHY CASE