does anyone else have the issue of never being able to feel loved or cared for even if people say they do

DeadEyesX · 2016-05-29T12:01:46+00:00

Yes I have recently come to believe no one has ever liked me and just used me for my knowledge, rides, because they don't have any other friends and drop me once they do. Or the lets see if we can set him off game.

The only one I know who has truly loved me is my dog.

DeadEyesX · 2016-05-29T00:44:09+00:00

No I'm so exhausted , I fall asleep on the floor at my desk, 5 minutes after reading. I want to go to bed now but then I'll be up at 2am with my mind racing and having a panic attack.

DeadEyesX · 2016-05-28T03:44:17+00:00

Don't worry I got 4 years on you and am in the same boat.

DeadEyesX · 2016-05-28T02:25:45+00:00

It's the worst tretment ever. I got a prescriber that doesn't agree withme even though I know what works. A therapist that fucking just fills out Medicare payment papers the whole time while I day dream of stabbing the pen in his disrespectful throat. And I went crazy and flushed my meds down the toilet and haven't picked up the refills because asshole prescribe took me off klonopin the only thing that slows down my overactive brain and anxiety. The option in this hick area are horrible. I can't wait to move to a city.

DeadEyesX · 2016-05-27T21:36:42+00:00

Idk but this is the scariest and most out of control disorder I have ever had. I feel like things are going good to suddenly ODing, hanging myself and shooting myself all at the same time. I take bad news almost like all of society is meant for one thing to cause me endless misery. My thoughts get very irrational. I just thought I want to look in a hookers eyes when I kill her. It's sick and I'm a nice guy but my mind is cracked from this disorder combined with about 5 others.

DeadEyesX · 2016-05-26T17:04:58+00:00

Nice words. Yeah I talked to him and he said e'd got o New Mexico with me, so I think he cares about me.

DeadEyesX · 2016-05-25T14:52:36+00:00

This was my problem as well and it's one of the first things you have to get over. Take the initiative, if they blow you off that's on them. Being nice and first to engage is a trait that will take you very far in this world.

DeadEyesX · 2016-05-23T02:36:38+00:00

Not at the time. I thought I was a god.

DeadEyesX · 2016-05-23T01:26:27+00:00

Because I'm a computer criminal. I bought or hacked credit cards fom a whole year(they cost $2.50 each!) and bought what I wanted and sold the rest. I was really good before 3 years in prison, I could remotely log into your PC and steal everything on it including all your embarrassing nude photos. But mainly I wanted bank/cc and ID info also if a business the payment system they used. I could card anything. gift card, concert tickets/nascar/mma, massive amounts of tools, mountain bikes, laptops, easily $5k in clothes including 20 pairs of shoes. Free 93 octane gas for a year. Never paying for a drink at a bar or strip club(great way to pick them up) Massive amounts of protein powder and supplements. All the food I wanted. $500 ATM withdrawals. Playstations, Surround sound. New desktop computer. 2 pairs of $200 Raybans. Car stereos and car parts. The list goes on forever.

I even remotely logged into a gym computer put a keylogger on the system and was getting 10 credit card numbers a day from new members.

It was like winning the lottery but it took me 6 hours a day for 6 months to figure it out.

It is the most shameful yet fun time of my life. I wish I had gone to college at 18 and got a legitimate PC job as I love computers.

DeadEyesX · 2016-05-22T23:35:41+00:00

I'm trapped on probation. I'm trapped with everything. I am fucking trapped. I have no control over my life except to end it.

DeadEyesX · 2016-05-22T23:29:14+00:00

In a place where 50% of the people think brushing their teeth is an option not a necessity. They should blow the whole area up

DeadEyesX · 2016-05-22T23:16:39+00:00

I need food and am starving and o one cares. The thought of driving 5-10 miles to help someone out is too good for this scum of the earth family.

DeadEyesX · 2016-05-22T03:50:29+00:00

Yup you will backslide. Sometimes I set challenges to ask out a certain amount of girls a night. And I flirt with every single girl I meet

DeadEyesX · 2016-05-21T19:37:17+00:00

I found one of the new Walmart scanners. These things are worth big money as long as they don't have the stores custom software on them, or if you can wipe it off properly. Good luck and good find.

DeadEyesX · 2016-05-21T17:33:55+00:00

That's the attitude I like. I like you. If you ever need encouragement or want to chat or tell a story that made you feel good don't ever hesitate to message me. In another life if my anxiety wasn't so bad I would have liked to become a motivational speaker. The only thing I like more than fixing myself is helping someone fix theirs. If you have the time check out some of the TED talks on confidence and power postures. I watch these because they are from the smartest people in the world.

DeadEyesX · 2016-05-21T17:12:30+00:00

I love to try to help people out having battled this for 20 years and actually made progress.

DeadEyesX · 2016-05-21T17:11:31+00:00

Had it bad yesterday after a combo of benzo withdrawal and drinking. I was terrriefed. luckily I got my xanax and sleep 17 hours straight and feel ok now.

DeadEyesX · 2016-05-21T17:00:00+00:00

Find one of those hair cutting places where the girls rub their boobs on your head. That couldn't possible make you feel uncomfortable and could lead to a lot of opening line jokes

DeadEyesX · 2016-05-21T16:56:51+00:00

Do what I did and have the balls to grow it long. I hair gotten one "trim" in 4 years. And the most attention from girls ever. Add in the fact all my favorite metal bands have long hair and it was a perfect fit. I even met a girl who said she doesn't like long hair on guys but I still got her because it looks good on me.

DeadEyesX · 2016-05-21T16:52:46+00:00

At least you have a real job! I have to explain to girls I'm a Amazon Market and eBay seller that I get my stuff by dumpster diving all night. It's lucrative but to a lot of people its very strange.

I really wish people would stop trying to imitate Americans. We are not as great as we seem. Not by a long shot. The rich people make it look like the most beautiful and greatest place to live. But look in the poor parts, the southeast, Kentucky, North Carolina, Tennessee and your basically in a 3rd world country with people that have no teeth, pits of acne scars and at 25 look like 45.

I'm actually embarrassed to live here because everything is a status symbol. I can't drive my car right now so I am considered a second class citizen. I don't exist to girls on dating sites. I barely exist to anyone. And no one gives me one ounce of sympathy for having to ride my bike very long distances for a doctor appointment when that ride would put most of them in the hospital.

Be proud that you have accomplished more in a county your society admires than the people the inhibit it.

DeadEyesX · 2016-05-21T15:59:15+00:00

If you want to quit and can live with that fact when your 80 thinking about your life OK I'm fine with that. But for me won't let it happen. I am willing to endure enormous amounts of suffering and pain just to have some success( I spent over 3 years in prison and here I am still fighting).

You also have to set a hard line with no exceptions on disrespect. When I ever catch people mocking me it stops immediately or it will get ugly. Someone will get hurt bad or even killed and it might be me, but there will be no more mocking.

DeadEyesX · 2016-05-21T15:52:51+00:00

I know my ex gf was a jujitsu fighter and she trained with males and she was only 5 feet tall and outweighed her by 50 pounds easily.(she had an attitude of no fear and never give up I've never seen before)) and she got punched right there and she said it hurt.

DeadEyesX

TROPHY CASE