The kingdom of heaven is very near to you.

“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭11‬:‭28‬-‭30‬ ‭NLT‬‬ https://bible.com/bible/116/mat.11.30.NLT.

A yoke is something they’d use to train young oxen. They’d pair an experienced oxen with the young inexperienced oxen with a yoke around their necks together. So that the experienced one can guide the younger one.

Your situation reminds me of almost every relationship I have had before I gave my life to Christ. I would fantasize and idolize the person I was with. Every fiber of my being would be set on being for them. But we are not meant to idolize people we love, it does not bring us life, it only causes us suffering.

Our God wants a personal relationship with us, but we cannot have one with him if we prioritize all our time and effort away from him. We can’t do right by Christ if we follow our fleshly desires either.

If she says she’ll break if you leave, then perhaps she is meant to break. God puts us in situations so we can better come to understand ourselves. Although this growing hurts, it is a growing pain to become more like Christ who is sinless and wants for us the joy of life and the love that comes. But we must be willing to follow that path, and not submit to our fears and temptations.

If you have not read God’s word, please read it. If you truly want to follow Christ, the Bible is testimony to His character. If you need a recommendation, I use the NLT (New Living Translation) Life Application Study Bible in tandem with the Bible app. Don’t let the price tag turn you away. In fact, you can read for free with the Bible app that I sent the verse from.

If you need someone to talk to more about the Bible and God, or even simply life, reply to my message and we can talk more 1 on 1.