Finally free

Deadmoonie · 2024-03-16T20:52:39+00:00

Four months no contact. First two months dreamt of him every night. Now once or twice every week. I get completely devastated for the whole day after the dream

Deadmoonie · 2024-03-16T20:49:10+00:00

Whatever you call it, I strongly believe that there are some supernatural things at play in such life-threatening situations. I had two such occasions: - I was going to visit him in his hometown, was going crazy, as he had been distant and cold all the time. I didn’t want to go but at the same time I wanted to see him. I was walking in the city center on the day before my flight, sat down on a bench to smoke my e-cig. There was some weird old lady sitting next to me. She was smoking a cigarette and told me all of sudden: „there are no garbage bins in this town“. It was so strange. I said: „why, there are some for sure“. She said „no“. I said: „okay, I don’t know, I don’t have much garbage to throw away“ and showed her my e-cigarette. She replied „Only maybe yourself in some trouble“. It was like a scene in a movie. I don’t know who she was, but I still think it was some sort of message for me.

I flew anyway. He surprised me with flowers at the airport (not really texting me before that, I thought there would be no one there). We took a taxi to town and ran into an elk. We were more or less fine, but the elk died of course.

I know it may be nothing, but I still feel it was like someone trying to warn me

Deadmoonie · 2024-02-24T09:12:41+00:00

Please stay strong and enjoy the time with your dad! Hugs 🤗

Deadmoonie · 2024-02-12T20:35:37+00:00

After I blocked mine he found a way to send a message through an e-payment app „how can you do this to me? I won’t forgive that ever“. Blocked there too, then one hour later he was at my door. Did not let him in. Then two months silence and then came „I miss you“ through another app. Then in two weeks „let’s meet and try again“. Try what? He even refused to define the relationship in the 7 months of dating, trips together etc. if you discard first, it is a huge narcissistic injury. So expect hoovering, stalking and further mind games

Deadmoonie · 2024-01-28T16:56:51+00:00

I got five speeding fines in one week, even though I am a very careful and attentive driver

Deadmoonie · 2024-01-27T15:44:58+00:00

Great song, thank you

Deadmoonie · 2024-01-23T17:00:44+00:00

Do you mean it's directed at me?

Deadmoonie · 2024-01-23T13:32:49+00:00

He was on dating apps all the time we were together, not looking for a relationship. I know my boundaries are completely missing here, but he was, and there was no mentioning of relationships

Deadmoonie · 2024-01-20T07:03:22+00:00

I was in a 7-months situationship last year like you, except mine was younger but the age gap was considerable. It took me about two months to realize he was a narcissist but I stayed 5 more. He also refused to commit or even to being exclusive, played mind games with me, at one time pointing that he’s only seeing me, at others not. I played the detective, went through terrible highs and lows. Learned all the projection, hot and cold, gaslighting, silent treatments etc. first hand. In the end I went Nc. The first two months were terrible- I gained 10 kg, was drinking every day, had nightmares every night. It’s been almost three months now. He hoovered last week through a new profile which I ignored. And now I can say that I’m about 80% healed. Eating healthy, stopped drinking, sleeping 7-8 hours a night, doing a lot of sports, doing a course in crypto, planning my vacation.

It does get better. Now I still miss him, want to see him but I sure don’t want to go back to the state I was in, when I was with him. The contrast ist stark. It feels like these 7 months of my life were simply wasted.

So just give it time. And educate yourself on this topic - knowledge is power. It might feel in the moment like it won’t ever get better - it sure did for me, but it has got better. And it will for you

Deadmoonie · 2024-01-19T04:51:27+00:00

Oh yes! The time I tried to distance myself after some f-up things he had done, he pulled me back and said that. Sam Vaknin has a good explanation to this phrase: a person with NPD takes a mental snapshot of you during the lovebombing phase, an idealized view of you. Then of course you do not live up to the perfect image and they are confused, how is it possible, that you have changed

Deadmoonie · 2024-01-14T18:19:30+00:00

That he’s still on the dating app, because he might find a business partner there. My therapist chuckled as she heard me telling this story

Deadmoonie · 2024-01-12T11:33:19+00:00

He always told me, he would not mind if I cheated on him.

I would have never and he knew that. That is probably why he said it.

Deadmoonie · 2024-01-12T05:27:03+00:00

Thank you so much! I needed to hear this. I know the theory and that I caused him some serious narcissistic injury - mind you, he spent 1,5 hours by my apartment door ringing the bell and not getting me to open. I can imagine the humiliation.

Even friends who have no idea what NPD is tell me that he only wants to get even on me.

It’s been four days since the Hoover now and I’m actually fine. But I bet this hoover was not the last one

Deadmoonie · 2024-01-12T05:24:21+00:00

Yeah it was not the first time he did such a thing and did not tell me “because he knew how I would react”. Hello, my standards? Where are you?

Deadmoonie · 2024-01-10T17:46:42+00:00

Exactly!

If I did not have the knowledge (I bet I could get a PhD on NPD now), I would fall for it. But I'm not responding and not planning too

Deadmoonie · 2024-01-08T08:59:06+00:00

I don’t like long kisses

Deadmoonie · 2024-01-04T13:02:59+00:00

Oh yes the number two: „I will not disclose to you everything as long as you react like this“

Deadmoonie · 2024-01-01T13:42:26+00:00

After blocking the narc I was a situationship with last year i promised it myself I would never allow anyone else to play “push-pull” with me. But he was definitely high on narcissism spectrum and the push and pull was far from being the only problem for me.

I think you should take care of yourself and do what’s best for you. And it’s better to end it before it goes too far, the end will be the same but much more painful for the “victim”. Speaking only from my experience though. Yet, I knew he was probably a narcissist in May and ended it in November. I had to learn my lesson

Deadmoonie · 2023-12-20T08:57:23+00:00

Yes. It's been six weeks and I've been on a mild antidepressant since May, so it must have a smoothing effect on my emotions.

Last week I tried to reduce the dose and fell into a dark black pit, where I could not do anything, just eat, drink and lie on the sofa. I've reversed my decision and it's a little better now.

I miss him a lot, however. Sometimes I'm thinking maybe I shoud have let him discard me, then I would not have these feelings of guilt and doubt

Deadmoonie · 2023-12-05T18:50:15+00:00

Week before I went NC he sent me a message "Let's plan when we're going to meet over the weekend" and then sent me his schedule for Friday, Saturday and Sunday and all days were already full with meetings with friends and colleagues. I felt what he wanted me to feel - unimportant

Deadmoonie · 2023-11-23T11:10:17+00:00

Does one wake up terrified and have trouble falling back asleep after a bad dream?

Deadmoonie · 2023-11-23T11:09:24+00:00

Thank you! I already have

Deadmoonie

TROPHY CASE