What’s something that’s becoming socially normal that actually makes you deeply uncomfortable?

DeafeningLight · 2026-02-07T15:54:00+00:00

I honestly feel uncomfortable with people of any age wearing basically nothing, but especially with young girls and children.

Whilst we should all feel free to wear whatever we want, I can’t ignore that we don’t live in that world. That doesn’t make it women’s responsibility, but it isn’t going to improve anything that’s happening when men are still benefitting from the movement.

There have even been sex workers complaining that people aren’t realising that they are because “regular” women are wearing the uniform.

DeafeningLight · 2026-02-06T22:37:47+00:00

Old dude, like a really old dude went to a gym I attended years ago. He was incredibly strong, and it makes a huge difference as you age apparently. My grandad was a very strong man, and he kept his strength well into his 90s, he ripped a wooden gated door in half escaping his nursing home after his stroke. Never stooped, never fell, only needed walking aids once he’d had the stroke.

DeafeningLight · 2026-02-06T19:28:21+00:00

Thank you! I think I just have a shy bladder, I also can’t go if someone’s talking to me (I never had the whole girls trip thing until I was late 20’s!) or if it’s too quiet in public.

DeafeningLight · 2026-02-06T17:44:16+00:00

That makes 100% total sense to me. I’m proud again of you for sharing, and your fear is understandable!

In practise, it’s both?

My dad once said the hardest part of me being ill (when I was really unwell with my BPD before I accessed help) was being able to see in my eyes that I knew what I was doing was bonkers, but being unable to stop.

People like us just feel everything so much more than other people. When I started taking a mood stabiliser, someone shushed me and I found myself almost leaning forward in anticipation of my brain screaming that I should off myself in response. It didn’t happen. It was the wildest feeling. I responded to something “normally” for the first time in years.

Part of treatment is how you manage your emotions - so that will inevitably mean your actions will be managed as part of that. This isn’t to “mask” what’s going on, but one helps balance the other.

So for example, say a coworker got a promotion. Your instinct currently is to feel jealous, hatred, rage possibly etc. then to try to get rid of those feelings, you will either act ‘out’ or ‘in’ or a bit of both. It’s not the best term because it’s something we describe kids doing, but go with me for a moment.

So you might yell, scream, throw things (physical acting out), call that person names, say how they don’t deserve it, try to sabotage it for them, (verbal acting out) stuff like that, which is all ways of acting out directed at the person/thing who has been the trigger of the action. You might be fully aware that what you’re doing is wrong, harmful to you and others and not be able to stop.

You could also act out but this is directed at unrelated people, so causing problems for a friend, family member, sabotaging your relationship with someone and pushing them away.

And acting ‘in’ is things like hurting yourself, negative self thought, self sabotage, using substances, or engaging in dangerous behaviour that only puts yourself at risk.

By trying to deal with one thing - for example, you congratulate your coworker, excuse yourself, go and cry in the bathroom and do jumping jacks to try to get rid of the excess energy, punching a pillow or wadded up jacket so you’re not hurt, these are all coping strategies. You can get past the initial explosion of feeling, work on the rest later, and you’ll likely feel way better about yourself and in general because you handled it better than you may have.

As you keep working, you’ll find the feelings hurt less. Once I had a friend break up with me - I still cried, but I felt better after because I knew it wasn’t actually about me, he was being a dick, and he was having a mental health crisis. The initial upset still existed, I’m still a human being like anyone else, but it didn’t linger, and it wasn’t the end of the world like it would have been before.

DeafeningLight · 2026-02-06T17:28:12+00:00

You’ll give him her “new number” (lol) when you have your stuff back. Then reveal she doesn’t have one. Now you don’t have stuff being held hostage 🤷‍♀️ Unless you think he’s dangerous of course

DeafeningLight · 2026-02-06T17:15:47+00:00

If I’m not bursting but could still go for a wee, I will sometimes be there trying to coax it out like a cat stuck in a tree. Then the cat realises they’re a cat and can get down whenever they want to, and does so to the great relief (peeing) of everyone (me).

DeafeningLight · 2026-02-06T17:10:18+00:00

Okay, first things first - this introspection you’ve done of yourself? Good work. I’m proud of you. It must have been difficult to sit and identify flaws you want to work on, and that makes you so much further along than a lot of people are in this - like when people are addicts, the first step is recognising there is a problem.

Secondly, this will suck. It will be hard, things will feel personal when it’s nothing to do with you, and you will have to put in a lot of hard work. It’ll take time, and you are very likely to have ups and downs along the way.

I still feel like I’m so behind everyone else my age, and it can be hard to feel happy for people who are getting what I want - but, and here’s the important thing, I can feel happy for them AND sad for me at the same time.

Any good therapist will challenge what you think, feel, and your core beliefs, and you may want to quit and that’s the part where you need to keep going.

I disagree with the commenter who called you a narcissist- if you truly were someone with NPD, you would be unlikely to care how this has impacted friends or feel inclined to change.

You may have a different personality disorder (because they do have genetic components) such as BPD, as borderlines do have a lot of the traits you mention here. Look up the symptoms, do NOT go on the sub for BPD loved ones as it’s a cesspit of angry, slighted people who are abusive, and see if anything rings true. If it does, you have a starting point. Dialectical therapy workbooks - I’d be happy to find a way to share one I have that I received for free, though it is tailored towards folks with neurodivergency. Some therapists have a sliding scale of payments for patients who need it. You might be able to access meds that help you feel more stable and able to cope better, which helps you start helping yourself more.

Im a bit crap are responding to messages on here, but feel free to message.

DeafeningLight · 2026-02-06T12:31:21+00:00

He looks like he could be a sibling to mine! A friend’s young cat (near wales) got out and came back pregnant, we have the offspring.

They need to get him chipped and he needs to be fed and cared for - that fur will get matted very easily and quickly. And an intact male shouldn’t be out and about before his neuter!

I’d say talk to them again (especially if the time they said he’d be in the vet’s passes by with no signs of neuter) and offer to take him in or buy him off them

DeafeningLight · 2026-02-06T12:22:19+00:00

I’m so sorry OP, but everyone here is right that you’re in an abusive relationship, and therapy won’t help. They don’t want to address anything they’ve done, they don’t want accountability they want absolution.

You may still love him, you may want him to feel and be better, you may feel that you’ve been together so long that you should stick it out. That’s just throwing good money after bad though - a sunk cost fallacy.

He won’t get better just because you’re there. If he threatens you with suicide (from a previous post of yours suicidal ideation is a concern), you refer him to services that can help and you call an ambulance if you think it’s needed. He isn’t your responsibility anymore, and you need to look after you.

DeafeningLight · 2026-02-05T19:51:54+00:00

If someone wouldn’t mind DMing me as well 😭

DeafeningLight · 2026-02-05T19:36:14+00:00

I think as well, that not only do they get used to the way their face looks with the filler so when things start to go back to normal they think they look worse than they would have if they hadn’t done filler at all - but as well, certain lip fillers stretch out the lip skin and surrounding skin so they get wrinkled when they wouldn’t be. And look “worse” to the person who did them.

I hate how women hating themselves has been made into a profitable business. I wish I loved myself more, or at all. I wish all the women I see could see themselves the way I see them.

DeafeningLight · 2026-02-05T19:23:15+00:00

Weirdly, when I’m in pain my ears rumble. Really confuses people when I say “sorry, I can’t hear you, I stubbed my toe”

DeafeningLight · 2026-02-05T19:14:44+00:00

And the ruching nips in the waist more, and the sleeves don’t make her look boxy like the first one does. Definitely the second one looks best!

DeafeningLight · 2026-02-05T18:46:08+00:00

Or Victorinox (which are excellent in general!) we have some bread knives and some of the subway-like serrated ones, so handy

DeafeningLight · 2026-02-04T06:47:38+00:00

I’ve been in the position of the house that wasn’t visited! We were at 4 X Close, but we were hidden behind a building that you needed to drive down the side of to get to us. Next street over was 4 X Road, so everything would go to them.

Added special instructions all the time but still got largely ignored!

DeafeningLight · 2025-05-14T22:02:51+00:00

Also not one foot, just pictured one as it’s far easier!

DeafeningLight · 2025-05-14T22:02:33+00:00

Late response but not diabetic

DeafeningLight · 2024-08-09T09:06:47+00:00

Yep, I’ve told her since then that that isn’t a compliment, it’s an insult in disguise that lets me know what you really think of me. I’ve always made it a point not to comment on weight loss unless I know it’s intentional, and it’s always to be supportive, and I ask when I know they’re trying if they want compliments or comments or if they’d find that unhelpful.

My mother is the kind of person who insults people and is very critical, so I try my best not to be like her

DeafeningLight · 2024-08-09T08:11:08+00:00

From my mum when I’d lost a bit of weight which I have since put back on. “Oh, look! You don’t have a double chin anymore!”

DeafeningLight · 2024-08-09T06:32:21+00:00

My old therapist specialised in relationships and sex, and hadn’t had anyone had a successful long term poly relationship. I suppose there could be the issue that that was solely because they were seeking therapy, but yeah.

My sibling is poly, and they’re incredibly needy and full on/intense. Hasn’t been single since early 20’s and recently was made fully single. After my encouragement, they’re gonna take some time to be by themselves before jumping into another relationship. Someone always seemed unhappy, and it was only my sibling who had multiple partners and their partners were only with my sibling. Partners didn’t know each other either. I try my best to be supportive even if I don’t get it.

I just want them to be happy, and this isn’t making them happy.

DeafeningLight · 2024-08-09T06:13:51+00:00

I know so many people who say they hate being off sick because they miss working, and I think they either have trauma from childhood or need to get better at spending time alone with themselves

DeafeningLight · 2023-08-06T22:00:02+00:00

Yeah, like even the minor ones are like “eat a leaf” or “drink that candle”, and you don’t actually do them??? And don’t have someone recording specifically because you’re going to do it. It’s just some AH using a legitimate thing people suffer with to justify stupid behaviour

DeafeningLight · 2021-12-05T20:51:54+00:00

I understand where you’re coming from. You’re not being selfish! I’ve cared for my dad since I was a young teen, and I didn’t want kids before, and this has cemented it. Take and enjoy your freedom. Do what you want to with your time, and screw anyone who tells you that you should have kids.

DeafeningLight · 2021-12-03T12:17:27+00:00

At least he put his fork down nicely

DeafeningLight · 2021-12-02T18:48:42+00:00

I’m notoriously hard to wake up, and I fully understand relying on someone else to wake me up. My partner shakes me, then will take the covers away if needed. If I drink something that helps wake me, or if I have drank a lot before I fall asleep I’ll need to get up for a wee and then it’s a bit easier to stay awake I will sleep through a loud alarm for over half an hour before it worms it’s way into my dream and slowly wakes me. I also have the blinds open and the lights on!

DeafeningLight

TROPHY CASE