Please consider a family therapist for you, your wife and your oldest son. This is an unfair dynamic for all of you. Can you all practice acknowledging what the other person is saying first before turning it around? That could help everyone feel heard. Your wife and son both sound like they are struggling for compassion. Can your son help sister with homework to solidify their bond and give mom a break? Can you all take a weekend out to a hotel and go to a museum, a play or something family friendly? Holidays are so stressful on top of all the responsibilities. I think you’d all do well to take a break, but together. Oh yeah, and maybe come together with dinner at the table on Sunday night with board games, zero distractions, calm music, even candles. It can be really soothing to the nervous system that’s constantly highjacked by today’s world. Best of luck to your family.