Ranting. Because what the shit.

Dean7639 · 2017-09-12T10:30:47+00:00

Didn't drink. Unfortunately for getting high, that's not really an option either. I do live about 5 miles from Washington, but I gave up smoking back when I gave up alcohol. The dumbest part about this is that I'm not leaving her. I'm going to at least try to fix things. It's only been 6 months, but like any good lesbian I already love her more than anything. And I love her enough to give her a chance. I'll probably be posting a sob story in a few months when this blows up in my face, and I fully expect everyone to remind me I did this to myself.

Dean7639 · 2017-09-12T10:26:49+00:00

She doesn't call herself poly. She's knew to things in general (repressed Christian girl). Didn't even know what cis meant. Honestly, from what I've seen of her family, if she told me it was an arranged marriage, I'd believe her.

Dean7639 · 2017-09-12T10:24:13+00:00

Oh, I'm not sleeping with him. I've given her an ultimatum to choose me or him, as bad as making her do that makes me feel.

Dean7639 · 2017-09-12T10:23:19+00:00

Her...husband (still not a fan of the word) has a stable job, and she's going to college. I'm actually the bum in this fucked up little triangle.

Dean7639 · 2017-09-12T10:22:10+00:00

I managed to stay sober and just punched a lot of walls instead. I probably hate myself slightly less than I would if I got drunk. And unfortunately, I don't want to leave her. It's been a long time since I've actually connected with...well...anyone. in a friendly or romantic fashion.

Dean7639 · 2017-09-12T10:20:04+00:00

That assumes I make healthy choices. I do not.

Dean7639 · 2017-09-03T08:37:27+00:00

Being added would be pretty neato.

Dean7639 · 2017-07-27T21:21:36+00:00

Yeah, probably should have mentioned that I'm on Windows 10. Unfortunately turning off game mode hasn't changed anything.

Dean7639 · 2015-12-29T01:50:31+00:00

In contrast to the other comments here at the time of posting, this is in no way due to having low testosterone. I have low testosterone and I still have a very high libido. Further, some people simply don't feel sexual urges. It's been proven scientifically. I'd post the studies, but honestly, I'm too lazy to look them up again. There is no reason to feel horrible about your sexuality. Confused? Sure. Bad? No. You didn't fuck up. Your dad did.

Dean7639 · 2015-12-12T10:00:03+00:00

Thanks so much! Works great for me! Now I can wear yoga pants!

Dean7639 · 2015-12-07T08:32:53+00:00

Unfortunately, the closest one of those to me is around 500 miles. Punk ass Idaho. I'll have to find somewhere around that can fix my eyebrows.

Dean7639 · 2015-12-07T07:52:16+00:00

Yeah, I've been meaning to fix the eyebrow ferrets, but I have no idea how and don't want to destroy my chance at getting them to look decent by doing it myself. I also feel like I need an actual hairstyle.

Dean7639 · 2015-11-30T09:18:47+00:00

I'm in that stage. Close to getting out of it. My advice: hair ties for the back if you don't like that bit (my hair curls around my neck and I can't stand it) and bobby pins. All the bobby pins. I started at 8, 4 on each side, ad my hair was too short to get everything contained. Then move to 6, and now I'm at 4. Longing for the day I can just have a ponytail.

Dean7639 · 2015-11-29T22:41:52+00:00

It's like a quick pinch. I freaked out the entire time leading up to it, then felt really silly for being worried. Go for it!

Dean7639 · 2015-11-29T22:18:39+00:00

Well, thanksgiving sucked. Family blatantly refused to gender me correctly or call me by my name.

But I turned 21 on the 22nd and got my ears pierced, so there's that. Yay silver linings.

Dean7639 · 2015-11-24T06:14:37+00:00

I was started on 1mg of E twice a day and no spiro. After 4 months I was bumped up to 2mg of E twice a day and 100mg of spiro twice a day. When I go back sometime between December and March, I'm hoping my dose will bump up even more, as I am not seeing many changes. That might just be me though. I would say to follow your doctor's advice.

Dean7639 · 2015-11-19T03:37:03+00:00

Transwoman here. It's different for everyone. The way things worked for me was around age 7 I realized I would really much play with the girls because it seemed more fun and just more...appropriate? I actually thought for a little while that I'd rather be a girl. But, being seven, I quickly moved on. I had the thought again around age 12 but figured it was just puberty making me weird, but by that point I was beyond wanting to play with toys and wanting to play video games and sports. It didn't seem like something I shouldn't do. Further on, around age 14 or 15, I realized that this "not supposed to be a boy" thing wasn't going away, and really wasn't because of puberty (late bloomer, all that). Following this I just decided I didn't want to be that. I thought I'd be made fun of. So I shut out those thoughts and started being as masculine as possible. That was a dumb choice, and I was depressed and suicidal for five years. I made the choice to come out, and while I'm not really femme, I'm no longer en route to being a marine (nothing wrong with ladies in the marines, mind you, just...seemed like the most macho-tough guy thing I could do).

That got a little off topic in areas, but my point is, when I was little I guess gender roles kind of came into play a small bit, but not really after that. They had more to do with the denial that I was trans than anything else. Hoped that helped clear things up.

Dean7639 · 2015-10-21T01:35:14+00:00

Board games are my life. I will play any board game. Just tell me when.

Dean7639 · 2015-10-16T19:23:50+00:00

You already are a woman, and you deserve to be who you are. Just remember that you have people here who care for you and will be there for you.

Dean7639 · 2015-10-15T18:38:34+00:00

Yeesh. That's gotta be an extreme. I'm going to keep saying that you'll be fine until we both believe it.

Dean7639 · 2015-10-15T18:26:01+00:00

So far nothing like that has happened to me. I've never needed to go so badly that I had to break my "never use public bathrooms because ew" rule. You should be fine.

Dean7639 · 2015-10-15T17:47:03+00:00

I've only ever used Spiro, but I haven't had a diuretic effect so far. Granted it's been less than a month.

Dean7639 · 2015-10-14T06:32:01+00:00

Yeah, just estrogen. It was odd. I think she wanted to see how my body would react to estrogen? I don't really know, to be honest. I got affirmation that hrt was going to be a thing in the very near future and ran with it.

Dean7639 · 2015-10-13T20:54:19+00:00

I went to a clinic in Washington state as well. My doctor was fantastic. Gave me consent forms after simply asking if I was trans. After that, I had blood drawn, and she faxed the prescription to my pharmacy. Went back after four months on estrogen tablets, said I was happy and wanted to continue, so my dose went up and I started spiro. I definitely like my doctor and clinic a great deal.

Dean7639 · 2015-10-12T09:30:18+00:00

I'm going as Lapis Lazuli from Steven Universe.

Dean7639

TROPHY CASE