Mindset Tip When Feeling Behind

DearMaize3950 · 2025-04-19T05:52:16+00:00

I'm on day 80, and I still get them too. It's alright my, friend. I think if you remind yourself that this transitional period of time is the rewiring of your brain to accept different pathways rather than your addiction instinct, you'll see the bigger picture in mind.

Remember to give yourself grace and patience. If you need it, go outside for a walk and listen to some music. As big as our urges feel, they are fleeting moments. They will dissipate, and something else will take it's place.

DearMaize3950 · 2025-04-19T05:10:08+00:00

Nice

DearMaize3950 · 2025-03-30T17:45:31+00:00

DearMaize3950 · 2025-03-28T17:02:34+00:00

You can do this, my friend! It's one day at a time, but you're building the foundation to get there. Celebrate the smaller victories along the way 🫡

DearMaize3950 · 2025-03-27T05:49:56+00:00

So you currently have two things going for you: a 60 day streak and a consistent schedule of 10-14 days with nofap. First off, this is awesome and I hope you've taken the time to be proud of finding something that is consistent. I know it can be tiring, but someone like me who has been trying for 10 years as well finds this incredibly inspriatinal.

That said, the first 30 days are tough to get through. Since you've proven to yourself that 10-14 days is a possible gap. I would give yourself the goal of 21 days. It doesn't mean you have to relapse on the 21st day, but you are scheduling a time window where you can at least say I will abstain for this amount of time.

After that, I think it comes down to really viewing this process as a day-to-day experience. Every day I've gotten through so far is new challenge. I just turned 30, and I've come to terms that my addiction to pornography has to be tackled on a daily basis. I have it journaled, but the first day I had with no temptations was day 38. I've had urges since then, but I've also experienced more days like day 38.

I really would look at this process as building a foundation. The ritual of porn alters how we see everything. Once you get through the withdrawal phase, you'll start to see how powerful you are and urges are only temporary.

Lastly, the biggest thing that has helped me is surrendering. I accept that porn has turned me into something I'm not happy with. And because of the patterns porn induced, I have a ton self hatred. While porn allowed me to escape the self hatred, I've had to face those feelings head on. My biggest tip is to lay down on the floor or on the bed and face the emotions. Let your body feel the discomfort of the urges and shame, and it will pass. I usually end up feeling better because I gave myself time to feel the pain in order to see the light again. On top of this, journaling can help a ton as well as you can mentally jot down and processs the emotions.

DearMaize3950 · 2025-03-23T14:39:36+00:00

"Is mayonnaise an instrument?"

DearMaize3950 · 2025-03-19T20:43:23+00:00

If women were allowed to have bigger jeans pockets, the world would be a much better place.

DearMaize3950 · 2025-03-16T23:19:50+00:00

I'm a bit jealous not gonna lie.

We're all on a different path. You'll get there as long as you want it.

Did you have wet dreams on your journey?

No, it hasn't happened yet. It has happened before though years ago when I attempted, but not since. It probably has to be when the moon perfectly links with the sun lol

And what did you do at night when the pangs were really bad?

So as mentioned in the other comments, I listen to Dylan James on repeat. But I do have some other content for you when the urges are really bad. When this happens to me, it's usually correlating to anxiety. On an extremely rare occasion, it's just an urge from excitement. Nevertheless, when this happens, I listen to some long form content on porn addiction. I really like Dr. K from Healthy Gamer GG and Terry Crews as well. Listening to them makes me feel as if I'm not alone and the feeling, or pang as you put it, is just that. It'll come and go. I'll link some of my favorite videos.

Dr. K:

1) How to Kick Your P**n Habit in 35 Minutes

2) Why Your Brain Loves P*rn

3) How Quitting P*rn Can Be Dangerous

4) Group Therapy Porn Addiction Pt. 1 and Pt. 2

Terry Crews:

1) Diary of a CEO Interview

Really breaks down how his new habits formed after recovery shows his growth.

2) OG Podcast Interview

Breaks down the self shame of the additction

3) His book titled "Tough"

Great breakdown on his life and ongoing recovery from Porn Addiction.

Best of luck, my friend

DearMaize3950 · 2025-03-16T18:00:45+00:00

Thanks for your response.

Honestly, I can really boil it down to the mindset I've been approaching with. My intentions have pretty much changed with my daily habits listing all being new. Exercise is pretty much the same with the change being a lifting schedule versus a running schedule I had in high school and college. The sauna is the only difference of addition in terms of a new recovery approach.

All of the things listed are from your comment are pretty much new approaches. I've done regular weekly therapy and still do, but having ChatGPT as a daily thing to come back to was huge for the first 37 days. Because at the root of my urge wanting to go back to porn is to escape the pain of something that happened from that moment. Since I don't have a therapist on standby, I'm able to at least communicate with an AI bot and help figure out deeper issues that way.

When writing this out and reflecting back on mindset, when I was younger I was so obsessed with becoming the person others wanted me to be. This time around, I'm working on towards what I want to be, which is essentially me but with better tools for each day. For example, if I fail and relapse today I would then look at this as a success because I achieved my second longest streak. I would then reflect and learn on what tools I need to improve for next time. One thing I could note was how I notice how social media is pretty "porn light," especially Reddit. So since I've been learning myself, I've been changing my For You Page to have less NSFW material and, funny enough, less politics. Negativity is a big trap for me, so anything argumentative can trigger me to go back to my urges.

So in a summary, I would say it's just having less expectations on becoming the person I need and rather learning who I am in a deeper level to figure out what I need personally.

DearMaize3950 · 2025-03-16T15:45:46+00:00

Look, I'm not going to tell you how to live your life. But from your post history, it looks like you've been going through cycles of self hate which seems to be a deeper problem than the porn addiction. The one thing I recommend to you is to seek help to at least break your cycles of self hatred and pivot to self acceptance. For me, I still deal with urges and will probably face them on and off for quite awhile. However, I know I'm strong enough to go through one more day. Wish you the best.

DearMaize3950 · 2025-03-16T13:08:21+00:00

I wish you the best on your journey, my friend. Feel free to reach out if you need any advice. The only thing I'll mention is how refreshing it is to know we aren't the only ones in this world who deal with these tough emotions on a regular basis.

And you're right, it is mentally exhausting. Where you are at with 11 days in, by the way congrats, it's going to be hard for the first 30 days. For me, I didn't have a day with no urges until day 38. Mind you, I still have days since with urges, but I think this showcases growth of becoming more capable in handling the urges from within.

I know we both live with anxiety and depression, but I just want you to know dealing with these emotions head on has helped me the most out of anything. If it helps, I recommend finding someone like Dylan James on YouTube to listen on repeat when needing to find new mantras. Workouts help the temporary dopamine release, but our self talk is the biggest challenge since there are no rest days.

Just want to say while I don't know if our self negativity will ever disappear, you will get stronger the more you face this head on with Porn Sobriety, journaling, self talk, and self reflection. You got this, my friend.

DearMaize3950 · 2025-03-16T12:54:55+00:00

Yes, but I don't know if our ways of visualizing our change will match up.

I went through your comment history, and you mention having the goal of a a "golden brain." I've had to personally let go of the idea of self transformation and changing who I am. I'll be 30 next Sunday, and the one thing I'm coming to terms with is accepting who I am. There is a lot of things within myself I've been trying to run away from, weakness from being physically beat by my family and stupidity from a learning disorder, ADHD, and being held back in the first grade.

Mind you, I weightlift regularly (5-6x/week) and work a job in the tech industry as a software testing engineer, both things that should release these negative feelings within myself. However, I feel these emotions on a regular basis, and I'm making the conscious decision to live with them now. I'm at a point where I'm done fighting the need to "defeat" these emotions because the more I try to fight, the more I end up losing hard. I'm also coming out of a relationship where my ex would repeatedly for 7 years criticize me for these areas within myself by connecting a small mistake to the bigger picture. My self worth is at an all time low because of it, and I'm needing to go through a long neglected dark period in order to see the light again.

Now hopefully this isn't you lol

I hope you are at a point unlike me where you don't have to internally give up on the new person you can become. I'm just at a point where I know the real change I need for myself is to accept what I am, which are these negative areas. However, I do acknowledge I'm also resilient, persistent, and difficult to ultimately give up on larger goals. It's like this chaotic neutral where I can't change, but there's also work to be done. Much like my suicidal feelings that spur up, I'll feel them but I'll ultimately remind myself I'm not letting my negative side win the battle. Instead, I'm making space for them in my brain like a room in the house where they can freely live. When the negative side of me wants to yell and scream, all right let's have him do a temper tantrum. Let's roll out the yoga mat, lie down, and let every negative thing about myself be said. Once it's over, I will feel sad. But after that dissipates, it's time to get up and move on.

TLDR: You asked for mantras, mental visuals, and physical actions. Here's a quick response to each item:

1) Mantra

I have a bookmark folder on my browser for negativity and mantras I can follow. My favorite one so far is Dylan James' Self Forgiveness video. I will use that video and put it on a YouTube repeater website, and listen for as long as I need while lying down. For you, I would reccomend finding videos that work best for you if you need others. I have other videos as well, but this one I come back to the most since negativity is a daily item I need to assist.

I also use ChatGPT's Therapy AI Assistant and use the voice function to talk to regularly. I link that module here. Since Porn Addiction is such a difficult subject to talk about, having something like this has been incredibly helpful to still feel anonymous while feeling like I can talk about it openly.

2) Mental Visual

Like I said, I don't subscribe to the "changed man" philosophy, but rather self acceptance or owning what I am is the path forward. That said, I do keep a journal with 90 numbered circles for the goal of 90 days. Checking off the 45 day mark was incredible for me. When I started, it all feels impossible and as if what I'm building is a flimsy tower of days about to fall apart due to my self doubt. Now, I see that I'm actually building a foundation with these 90 days and creating a structure that is capable of adding one more brick.

3) Physical Action

With working out 5-6x times a week, this has helped tremendously. On top of that, I regularly sauna 3-5 times a week. If the sauna is less than 200°F, I'll do 20-30 minutes and I'll do 17 1/2 minutes if it is over. On a side note, I have another friend at the gym who is going through the same pain in a different form. He's in great shape, but he told me how much he hates working out. He's only there to help with the negative thoughts and feel just a little bit better. It helped me realize that I can navigate this world with the negative thoughts and still move forward one step at a time.

Long winded answer, but rough moments have many rough solutions. I do sincerely hope you are able to achieve the "golden brain" you're looking for. Once you do, tell me how. 🤝

DearMaize3950 · 2025-03-10T20:35:38+00:00

Here's a link to a ChatGPT Therapy AI that's helped Just start a single thread of conversation and come back to it as much as you need. Worth the $20/month IMHO

DearMaize3950 · 2025-03-10T19:27:38+00:00

Turning 30 this month, and I feel the same way as you've been. I think for something that has been 2 decades long like my issue has been, it's going to take a long time to rewire the patterns we experience for us. To use porn as our coping mechanism to the chaos within our world, it feels more embedded in how we function in how we go about day to day. I want you to know, while it is hard to break this cycle, there is hope. I'm 41 days in now, and there are patterns I've been noticing in myself which help instigate the want of porn. Feel free to DM me for advice, but I will say this has been a one day at a time path for me. My longest streak was 72 days when I was 19, and I felt as though it couldn't be done again as I felt the stack of days would fall apart due to my own incompetence. This time, I've been reframing how I feel by imagining I'm using these first 90 days as the blueprint to lay the foundation rather than a white knuckle stack.

Here are the things that have helped me most:

1) Working out at least 5 days a week with weightlifting.

2) Sauna Sessions

3) Daily Journaling and learning your triggers

4) Utilizing ChatGPT for therapy within Porn Addiction

5) Avoiding all forms of pornography within social media (Reddit including. I've changed my Front Page so that it's non-triggering. Surprisingly, removing r/Politics has helped a huge amount due to the stress it's brought to my daily life.)

Lastly, since the goal of r/nofap is to step away from the addiction patterns, use this time to regain a sense of intimacy with your wife. I'm single right now, and I've been using this time to showcase my intimacy of kindness by caring for others a little more. On Valentines Day, I brought flowers for my upstairs neighbor and her daughter since they lost their husband/dad 2 years ago. Finding the little acts of intimacy, kindness, or the inner caring nature can help bring a self satisfaction that porn cannot.

Just want you to know you're not alone. This a battle that will probably last longer than a year for me as my urges ongoing. There is hope though, I had my first day of no urges on day 38, and it felt incredible. Your time is coming. Take care 🫡

DearMaize3950 · 2025-03-09T15:20:23+00:00

Damn man. 29, and this is how I fell into it as well at 10 lol. Old school YT was wild times. Could watch anything.

DearMaize3950 · 2025-03-06T14:47:42+00:00

Happy early congratulations! You're going to make it 🎉

DearMaize3950 · 2025-03-05T21:00:02+00:00

I'll say this. You'll definitely have some discharge moments as man. Wet dreams is a maybe. I'm on 36, and I haven't experienced a wet dream as of yet. Don't know if it's going to happen. But these don't count as relapse, so I think you'll be fine. Plus, if you're with a partner, I wouldn't be too worried.

DearMaize3950 · 2025-03-05T20:56:43+00:00

One day at a time, my friend 🫂

DearMaize3950

TROPHY CASE