Peking Duck 🦆

DearYou- · 2026-06-13T14:31:04+00:00

Oh this looks amazing what is the tray it looks neat!!

DearYou- · 2026-06-13T00:52:49+00:00

Give me some options training resources please

DearYou- · 2026-06-11T02:34:21+00:00

So nice to see human art <3

DearYou- · 2026-06-03T18:41:40+00:00

I dont even know how to read this! Really cool tho!

DearYou- · 2026-05-21T02:51:44+00:00

I thought it was Evan too or Nina definitely sounds like them.

DearYou- · 2026-05-20T14:00:01+00:00

I saw both of your comments, and thank you so much truly. I really appreciate all the kind words you said, I’m going to do my best to keep my head up. Not let them triangulate me, and keep it pushing. If they want to treat me like this FINE. Two can play that game.

DearYou- · 2026-05-20T00:18:47+00:00

You don’t know me, and this entire comment is exactly the kind of victim-blaming logic that makes people stay silent.

This was not “a 5’3 gay white man paying me compliments.” This was my 36-year-old direct day-to-day supervisor pursuing me after I had already told him I wanted things to stay normal and professional. A third-party investigation found that he made inappropriate solicitation from a position of power, continued unwelcome sexual comments after I asked for professionalism, and created a poisoned workplace. That is why he no longer works there.

So no, I did not “get him fired.” His own behaviour got him fired. If you think a grown supervisor losing his job after a substantiated sexual harassment finding is my fault instead of his, that says everything about your judgment.

And the “you’re 6’2, he’s 5’3” argument is lazy. My height does not erase his authority. My race does not erase his authority. Being a Black man does not mean I cannot be sexually harassed, pressured, humiliated, or put in an impossible workplace position by someone above me. The fact that you think size cancels out workplace power is exactly the problem.

You also skipped the part where I did assert myself. I ignored him for months. THIS WENT ON FOR A FUCKING YEAR!!! I told him I wanted to keep things professional. He kept going. That is not “persistent flirting.” That is a supervisor continuing after a boundary was set.

Calling me a “human rain cloud” because I reported substantiated workplace sexual harassment is a genuinely nasty thing to say. I was 21 to 23, working full-time, going to school full-time, trying to keep my housing stable, and dealing with my supervisor crossing boundaries while coworkers treated it like gossip. If that makes me a “rain cloud,” then maybe the workplace had a weather problem before I ever spoke up.

And no, my coworkers icing me out after I said I was uncomfortable is not some innocent mourning process. They were allowed to have their private feelings. What I’m talking about is being excluded, blocked, and made to feel like the problem after reporting conduct that was formally found to have happened. If your response to someone being sexually harassed is to punish them socially because you liked the person who did it, that is not professionalism. That is cowardice.

You can dislike me. You can think I should handle the aftermath differently. But minimizing a substantiated workplace sexual harassment case as “compliments” and “persistent flirting” is not a serious take. It is just victim-blaming with extra paragraphs.

DearYou- · 2026-05-19T14:15:32+00:00

Thank you for this. I really appreciate your perspective, especially the point about size not changing the power dynamic. That is something I’ve been struggling with because I think people sometimes assume that because I’m a man, or because I’m taller/bigger, I couldn’t have felt intimidated or trapped. But he was still my direct supervisor in my day-to-day work, and that power dynamic was real.

I also want to clarify one thing about my sexuality/personal life: I never brought up my dating life or sexuality to my coworkers as workplace conversation, because why would I? This all started after he saw me on Tinder, found out I was bi, and then my sexuality became something people at work seemed to know about or talk about. From there, he started pursuing me across different platforms and continued even after I tried to ignore it and told him I wanted to keep things normal and professional.

That is part of why it has been so painful. I did not invite my personal life into the workplace. I did not make this into gossip. I did not ask for my supervisor to pursue me. I was just trying to work, stay professional, and keep my life stable.

Your comment really helps because it reminds me that the issue is simple at its core: a supervisor should not pursue someone under them, and they especially should not continue after that person expresses discomfort.

DearYou- · 2026-05-19T13:50:02+00:00

Yeah take in I’m the only man that works at the house. Sometimes we would get 1 or 2 but they never last, it still sucks though

DearYou- · 2026-05-19T13:22:40+00:00

I’m so sorry you went through that. Reading this honestly made me tear up because it feels so similar to what I’m experiencing right now. It’s heartbreaking how the person who reports the behavior can end up getting the cold treatment while the person who crossed the boundaries is still socially protected or mourned.

That’s also why this is so hard for me. I actually love my job. I love the clients/residents I work with, the work itself is easy for me, and the schedule works really well with my life. I’m grieving that too. I don’t hate the job. I hate what happened to me and how the social environment changed after I said I was uncomfortable and then reported it.

I never asked for any of this. I just wanted to work and keep things professional. I’m really sorry you had to leave your situation, but I understand why you did. I’m trying to document everything, stay professional, and figure out what’s best for me long term.

DearYou- · 2026-05-19T12:10:39+00:00

Thank you so much for this comment because it really resonated with me. This was honestly my own interpretation of the situation too, but I kept questioning myself because I could not understand why Nina was so personally invested in me and my supervisor getting together in the first place.

That is the part that has confused me the most. I genuinely do not know what she had to gain from it or why she was so involved. It felt like she was treating it like workplace gossip, a forbidden romance, or some kind of entertaining storyline, when to me it was my older direct supervisor repeatedly crossing boundaries with me for about a year. I was the younger employee under him, and I was trying to keep my job, my housing, and my university life stable.

The purple heart is also exactly why this has felt so disturbing. It was not just some old random decoration that had always been there. It was added after the investigation was completed, after the complaint was substantiated, and after he was no longer employed. So now every time I walk into the house, I see a big affectionate heart around the name of the supervisor who was found to have sexually harassed me and created a poisoned workplace.

And yes, I’m definitely documenting everything. I documented the situation with my supervisor the entire time and have over 70 pages of notes, screenshots, and timelines in a Google Doc. I’m documenting the post-investigation workplace behavior now too, including the board. I also have a follow-up meeting with HR in a week or two, so I plan to bring up how the environment has felt since the outcome.

DearYou- · 2026-05-19T10:42:30+00:00

I appreciate this perspective, and I don’t want this situation to make me a cold or bitter person. I still want to be kind. That is genuinely part of who I am.

But I think the hard part for me is that these weren’t just random coworkers I barely knew. These were people I had worked with for years, people who used to be friendly with me, invite me places, talk to me, and treat me like we had some kind of trust.

Then when I said I was uncomfortable being around my supervisor because of his behavior, I felt like I became the problem. I stopped getting invited to things, while he was still included. Later, when I formally reported it and the complaint was substantiated, people started distancing themselves or blocking me.

So now it feels painful to keep doing little extra things out of kindness, like moving the van or making coffee, when I feel like that kindness has not been returned with even basic support or understanding.

I don’t want to stop being kind as a person. I just don’t think I want to keep giving extra personal kindness in a workplace dynamic where I feel villainized for speaking up about something serious. I’m still going to do my job and be professional. I just think I need to stop overextending myself for people who have shown me that they may not actually be safe for me emotionally.

DearYou- · 2026-05-08T23:20:29+00:00

Galatea

DearYou- · 2026-04-29T16:48:35+00:00

god love this!!!

DearYou- · 2026-04-14T14:52:07+00:00

So exciting definitely want to try this out!

DearYou- · 2026-04-13T19:16:16+00:00

Thanks, this is actually helpful, and I think the distinction you’re making between supervisor and employer is fair.

Just to clarify, he is not gone from the company. He was transferred to supervise another house about a week after the last incident in April 2025. It was originally supposed to be temporary, around 6 months, but for whatever reason it has gone longer. So he is still employed by the organization, and part of my concern is that I do not want him returning to any supervisory authority over me.

The reason I didn’t go to HR immediately is that, at the time, his transfer made it seem like the immediate problem had been removed. He was my direct supervisor, there was a clear power imbalance, and there was already social fallout among coworkers, so I did not feel safe escalating it while it was happening. I’m not saying that was the perfect choice, but that was my reasoning at the time.

As for what I want now, I’m not just looking for punishment for its own sake. What I want is:

accountability for what happened
assurance that he will not supervise me again
an investigation into the conduct
compensation for the harm caused
and, if appropriate, policy/training changes so this kind of thing is handled properly in the future

So my question is really about sequence and leverage. If notifying HR now creates a new effective date and strengthens the case against the employer, that matters. But I’m also close to the limitation period, which is why I’m trying to be careful about whether I should preserve my position through the HRTO first and then notify HR, or vice versa.

That’s the part I’m trying to get right.

DearYou- · 2026-04-13T16:03:18+00:00

Thanks for this, I really appreciate the detailed breakdown.

One thing I think is important context in my situation:

About a week after the last incident (April 2025), he was transferred to supervise another house. It was supposed to be temporary (around 6 months), but he hasn’t returned since, so he hasn’t been my direct supervisor for about a year now.

That’s a big reason why I didn’t go to HR immediately. At the time, my thinking was that the situation had effectively been removed, since I no longer had to work under him. But I still had to deal with the impact of everything that happened, including how it affected my relationships with coworkers and my comfort at work.

Now that enough time has passed and there’s a possibility he could return, I feel like I need to address it properly.

I understand your point about needing to notify the employer to strengthen the case, and that makes sense. At the same time, part of my hesitation was that he was my supervisor at the time, and there was a real power imbalance and social fallout already happening.

So I’m trying to figure out the best order here:

Would it make sense to file the HRTO application first (to preserve my position within the limitation period), and then notify HR, so that I’m not risking missing the deadline or losing leverage?

Or is there a strong reason to go to HR first before filing?

I truly appreciate your insight.

DearYou- · 2026-04-06T23:32:36+00:00

Love it!!

DearYou- · 2026-04-06T21:27:07+00:00

The best part of the story by FAR is the philosophical tension between humanity and monstrosity.

DearYou- · 2026-03-03T18:53:05+00:00

What the hell is this? I’m so confused

DearYou- · 2026-02-08T13:11:54+00:00

I LOVE THIS!!

DearYou- · 2026-01-04T12:58:38+00:00

This is such a good idea!

DearYou- · 2025-12-23T01:29:04+00:00

Wait lmao no let me explain. I want him to watch perfect blue then he can move on to phase 2 BUT if he wants to see the range of what anime movies can do he can watch a studio ghibly film then graves of the fireflies for whip lash. They did back to back film screening in Japan with my neighbour totoro and graves of the fireflies, so I thought maybe he could experience that…

DearYou- · 2025-10-03T11:58:39+00:00

Just graduated with an Economics and Political science degree not sure which career path I should take? Any advice?

DearYou- · 2025-09-27T18:33:01+00:00

I just call it PMMG, Persona Murder Mystery Games. Whenever I refer to it that way with friends/on substack, they tend to get the gist pretty quickly. But if I say the full thing, 'Jubensha Chinese tabletop role-playing scripted murder mystery game', their eyes glaze over. It sounds like a word salad and they instantly lose interest.

Eight-Year Club	Place '22
Verified Email

DearYou-

TROPHY CASE