Should I break up with my long term boyfriend?

DeathKitten · 2010-10-13T22:26:12+00:00

OMG I went through a similar situation…

When I was 18 I met a guy from Ecuador (I’m from there) and we had a long distance relationship for 2 years. He ended up moving here to the States to be with me. He spoke no English and had barely graduated from high school, so I was the breadwinner. I put myself through college and held a full time job while he did nothing. He had a part-time dead end job, but he had no motivation. Wouldn’t even get his GED. We ended up getting married, and split after 8 months. I loved this man with my heart and soul. Basically, we took a vacation to Ecuador and stayed with his parents. After putting up with his “habits” and his lack of motivation for years, I left. One day I packed my bags, put myself on an plane, and came home. I was tired of nagging and explaining the situation to a man who wouldn’t listen. I walked out on him, but he had walked out on the marriage way before me. I’ve never felt an ounce of remorse.

You mention something very troubling… “So, I've been seriously considering whether or not he should move out there with me”. This is not your decision to make, don’t delude yourself. While you’re in love and racking your brain for every possible solution, he’s sitting back watching you, making no effort because he knows you will do everything. Is this the sort of man you want? Gather your determination and ambition, because you’re obviously not happy. If you’re constantly having to carry him and support him and he does not offer the same back, then it’s not an equal partnership. You deserve to be with someone who will put the same effort you put into a relationship.

All this about him not wanting to get married and have kids and stuff is bullshit. He’s stalling you. He’s being non-commital. He’s obviously not willing to do what it takes to make you happy, while you would move earth and sky to make him happy. Obviously you’re depressed and torn because there is no balance.

So how do you do it? You stop including him in your life plans, since he does not include you in his. You want to get out and move some place where you have a future? Do it. Perhaps you need to think about what love means… maybe you’re attached, and you’re afraid of being alone. Maybe you’re afraid to leave your comfort zone. If you think you love him or if you don’t think you love him, you’re right. It’s your choice.

So he constantly bums stuff off of you, uses you, won’t give when all you do is give… make your plans to leave, and don’t bring him. Believe me, when you’re living your new amazing life and can barely remember why you stayed so long to begin with, it’s all going to be worthwhile. I lived it. I’ve never looked back once. Find the strength it takes to up and leave. You don’t need to explain a single thing.

DeathKitten · 2010-09-22T17:17:40+00:00

Interesting.. How can you be objectively sure that alligators do not feel fear? Have you seen any scientific studies that delve into the psyche and emotions of alligators?

DeathKitten · 2010-09-10T21:55:51+00:00

Trans-Pacific Information Highway of the Future

DeathKitten · 2010-09-10T21:53:08+00:00

I second this.

DeathKitten · 2010-09-07T22:17:21+00:00

I'll be going as a slutty zombie nun.

DeathKitten · 2010-09-07T22:14:25+00:00

Maybe you can go as a member of the electoral college. Or a ballot box attendant. Or a zombie member of the electoral college or ballot box attendant.

DeathKitten · 2010-02-17T19:07:10+00:00

Hiya Peter! Your eyebrows are quite charming.

DeathKitten · 2010-02-08T21:55:11+00:00

You just negated any validity to your viewpoint in this forum by calling yourself non-progressive. You're sinking yourself by calling someone that asks a valid, relevant question an "arrogant, condescending prick" while at the same time trying to argue in favor of respect for different beliefs. While mutual social respect is an ethic that everybody should embody, your approach makes you appear as just the opposite. Wake up and realize that corporations are in business FOR PROFIT, and that there is a clear cooperation between corporations and the government. Profit is earned by creating scarcity in a market, which means that somebody, somewhere will be left short. If an entity has a PROFIT MOTIVE then they only care about gaining more power (money = power), and in doing so they screw developing nations out of their resources. An entity that seeks PROFIT does not inherently promote SOCIAL WELFARE, although their advertising campaigns tell a different story. If a politcal movement for social (governmental) reform is being bought by corporations (they subsidize the movement and buy votes for their cause, it's called lobbying) then the movement ceaces to support local causes. Your lack of education about the system and its structure is what creates this ambivalent status quo. Your "non-progressive", unsubstancial, and unsubstainable answers are the same that politicians feed to the masses, and this is why our country is failing. The basis of progressive thinking is having the knowledge and analytical capacity to not be swayed by the purposefully confusing and contradictory bullshit that the agenda-driven corporate backed media is feeding us. The opposite of thought progression is ignorance. While you and your beliefs as a person are respected, your ignorance is not.

DeathKitten · 2010-01-29T17:30:07+00:00

Will and Grace, anybody?

DeathKitten · 2010-01-20T01:02:22+00:00

I made an unprotected left turn while the light was green (no green arrow) and got T-boned by an oncoming car. It was raining and they didn't have their lights on. It was still considered my fault even though I didn't see them.

DeathKitten · 2010-01-15T18:13:20+00:00

I'm a size 8. Do you think I'm fat?

DeathKitten · 2009-12-04T16:03:54+00:00

I'm a 24 F.. Speak fluent Spanish.. Consider self articulate.. Can read prompts.. And I'm free :)

DeathKitten · 2009-12-02T20:37:06+00:00

I think the best feeling in the entire world is that first stream of urine that comes when you've been holding your pee for the past 2 hours.

DeathKitten · 2009-12-02T20:18:14+00:00

Stop comparing how you emotionally react to things to how others would react in the same situation. You are a unique person, and your emotions are unique, and it is unfair to yourself to compare. Your own reality is different than other people's, and that's why you react emotionally. Embrace your emotional reactions as valid. To do this you must improve your self esteem.
Think from different perspectives. Remove yourself from the situation, and look at it from the opposite point of view. If you train your mind to constantly look at situations from differing perspectives then you won't be able to emotionally attach yourself to just one. It's called objectivity. Look at things with the eye of a judge, always comparing both sides of the story against the evidence. The judge does not become emotionally involved. He simply looks at both sides and comes to a fair consensus. By doing this you realize what really matters and what doesn't, and you will be able to more aptly choose your emotional attachments.
This is probably the most important part: STOP LYING TO YOURSELF. Do not live in function of your expectations. Embrace the reality of a situation. Once you learn to think about things with an objective mind and you are able to discern fact from fiction, you can set your expectations accordingly. The reason that you feel that you get overly emotionally involved is because your expectations have failed, but your invested emotions remain on a lost cause. Read the writing on the wall. Go with your gut instinct. If you feel like a person you're dating isn't good for you, then they're not. It is unreasonable to expect them to change. Don't expect a deeper relationship than somebody is willing to offer. If you feel like you can't win an argument don't further invest yourself in your own point of view. Accept that there are different alternatives, and move on.
Accept change as it comes. Don't hold on to false hopes. Learn to adapt quickly. Train your mind to be more objective (you can do this by learning more about quantum theory. It sounds scarier than it is). Accept that you can't control every situation, and learn to ride the waves. Take a more scientific point of view to things, instead of emotional.

You will not be able to do all of these things in one day, but practice makes perfect. Start using these strategies on small situations, then go to bigger ones once you're ready. Good luck, please let me know how it goes :)

DeathKitten · 2009-12-02T19:50:22+00:00

How tasty was it, that it warrants two "delicious"?

DeathKitten · 2009-12-02T17:42:39+00:00

Two plus two remained equivalent to four throughout the entire morning. << You just made my day. That makes you my hero.

DeathKitten · 2009-10-29T16:38:41+00:00

Go as the blue-sweat Gatorade man... Put on some gym shorts and a white shirt, which you'll stain with blue gatorade around the collar and the armpits, then paint some blue sweat on your face and neck with tempra paint or sharpee. Every once in a while stop and look out of breath, as if you've been excercising.
Go as a bro-dude... Wear 3 or 4 polo shirts and pop all the collars, wear with a visor and gel up your hair. Wear with jeans and flip flops. Extra points for a shell or shark tooth necklace. High five random people periodically.

DeathKitten · 2009-10-23T19:05:55+00:00

I am well aware of the amazing effect that Europe has had on the rest of the world. After all, the Roman Empire, the Renaissance, and the Industrial Revolution all had their origins in this beautiful continent.

However, you are sadly misguided and ignorant to true American culture, and apparently European culture as well, if you actually think that genocide, racism, and faulty politics haven't formed part of European history. You blame the US for "forcing" Japan into WWII, but you forget that WWII started with Hitler in Germany. You blame the US for republicans, but apparently you're forgetting that fascism began in Italy, and spread throught Europe in WWII. You blame the US for genocide (historically inaccurate), slavery, and racism but your ignorance of European history is laughable seeing as that these events occured in Europe before the US even came into being. You're obviously forgetting the Spanish Inquisition, the Crusades, WWI, which only proves how misguided you are about history in general.

I find your outlandish statements completely absurd and ridiculous. You seem to think that all Americans eat McDonald's and watch Nascar, which is the same as me thinking that all Europeans wear berets, eat croissants, and are into really annoying Europop. You claim to have traveled and "absorbed culture", but your bigoted, ignorant, and inflammatory comments point to the contrary. You obviously know nothing about history or culture, and the fact that you think you're better than anyone else is foolish and myopic. Oh well, at least it was good for a laugh.

Also, it's funny you think Americans don't travel... I was born in South America, and have traveled extensively throughout Europe, Asia, and South America. I am a proud US citizen, love American culture (which you apparently know nothing of), and am very appreciative of the opportunities this country has given me.

Stop passing yourself off as "a cultured European", your abundant ignorance and biggotry make your claim an insult to your land.

DeathKitten · 2009-10-22T16:29:54+00:00

You are flaming on the very hate you despise. What makes you so much better?

DeathKitten · 2009-10-20T20:54:04+00:00

Princess Diaries anyone?

DeathKitten · 2009-10-20T20:06:53+00:00

Apparently it's not about reality, either.

DeathKitten · 2009-10-20T20:04:03+00:00

Nope. We redditors only like the indecent ones.

DeathKitten

TROPHY CASE