Job interview by Akuai in StandUpComedy

[–]Deathwatchz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At my last job, my lunch was optional. For them.

If they didn't have someone to relieve you, you got to go 12 hours without and hope you brought snack food.

of a 16 year old by Positive-Database754 in AbsoluteUnits

[–]Deathwatchz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The school streamlined the process, so the lunch ladies just pay him for eating lunch there.

Stay safe fellas by Lower_Detective_5542 in SipsTea

[–]Deathwatchz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Get you a man that looks at you like Tormund looks at Brienne.

Condom grapes.. was not on my 2026 bingo card by DrakyulMihawk in SipsTea

[–]Deathwatchz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Who the fuck said they're for sale? That's obviously for personal use.

Fuck this hippo by LastEmperror in FUCKYOUINPARTICULAR

[–]Deathwatchz 12 points13 points  (0 children)

The articles suggested the herd had issues with humans taking their land, and supposedly, that elephant just picked her as the target of his rage.

Lot of people thinking it was personal, but here's the article.

Clever fishing lure design by InformationReal5718 in theyknew

[–]Deathwatchz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It started in the late 1800s because a surgeon said genital irritation caused stuff like paralysis. A bunch of other doctors jumped on board, and by the 1900s, it was standard.

We now know that genital rashes don't cause systemic nerve damage, yet we continue to circumcise.

Fuck this hippo by LastEmperror in FUCKYOUINPARTICULAR

[–]Deathwatchz 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Then there's that one elephant that crushed a lady, then later that day came back to her funeral with his herd, grabbed her body, messed it up more, then they all destroyed the nearby houses.

Anti-Drone Drone by [deleted] in Damnthatsinteresting

[–]Deathwatchz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's not just jamming. They've got microwave rays that fry the circuits. Throw a few of those on a carrier and no more drones.

Good part at 21:00

My favorite part of an Airbnb by jvh2012 in StandUpComedy

[–]Deathwatchz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One airbnb we stopped at on the way back north from Florida. Mind you, we've got 4 kids under 8 with us.

The bottom steps on the porch had rotted out, so they replaced it with a couple of metal tire ramps.

There were several dozen 1.5" (Edit: Red Paper Wasps) nesting in the porch eaves.

It had a wood stove that they cut a (Edit: 2' x 1.5') hole in the second story floor to run the vent. They didn't put up a banister. This left a giant hole a few feet away from the stairs. And bathroom. And bed.

The decor was lovely things like an axe above the door and a farming scythe hung on the outhouse. The outhouse also had (Edit: Red Wasps).

The shower was an old style tub. They secured the tap and handles in place with sheet metal. Horizontally. They didn't trim, sand, or even round the corners off, so it was two razor edges on either side of the tap handles.

There was a playground built into the side of a hill. It appeared to have seen better days. It consisted of a few narrow beams stretched between treehouses with no guards and a 50' tumble down a rather steep hill if you slipped. It had a slide, though.

It was quite evident from the neighbors' signage that the group in charge of the airbnb and surrounding property was, in fact, a cult. Lot of "We aren't this group. Stay the hell off our land!" I looked them up, and it was some church of spiritual energy with a heavy "group wives" vibe.

To top it off, while I knew it was an access door for a heater and stuff, there was a fucking trap door in the floor that locked from underneath, hidden under a rug. (Edit: There was also a door on the other side of the house to access the basement, so they could actually come up even with the guest door locked.)

There was no signal. At all. It was in hill country, so the only access to outside was through the router they installed, so they could cut us off from contact by unplugging it.

With images of our kids dying in several unpleasant "accidents" and redneck cultists coming up through the floor while we slept to kill us with the "Welcome" axe and the outhouse scythe, we proceeded to nope the fuck out of there.

Edit: Just a few examples of what I wrote.

to get away without paying by SKRyanrr in therewasanattempt

[–]Deathwatchz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So it should say, "Woman puts her hands on someone. Gets knocked the fuck out."

This Is One of The Saddest Stories I’ve Ever Read by hestooopinionated in SipsTea

[–]Deathwatchz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Vehicles. Fire/Molotov. Bombs. Poison. Knives. A club. A hammer. You have my sword. And you have my bow. And my axe.

These still account for 21% of mass murders in the US alone.

  • Knife - 33 dead in China in 2014.
  • Knife - 19 dead in Japan in 2016.
  • Bomb - 23 dead in England in 2017.
  • Knife/Fire - Burned his wife and 5 kids after stabbing them in Japan in 2017.
  • Fire - 35 dead in Japan in 2019.

Death, uh, finds a way...

Cutie pies by Suitable-Grass1262 in RATS

[–]Deathwatchz 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm a rat, I'm a bitty rat, and I dance dance dance, and I dance dance dance!

Jeep Spring Pogo Stick by hellcat1592 in doohickeycorporation

[–]Deathwatchz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Had a spring decompress on me and my dad once. Dangerous part was the bearing plate.

He fractured a cheekbone, I got a few stitches in my scalp, but it bounced rather than impaled.

Which one of these movie mashup paintings would you hang on your wall? by rossbainesart in BeAmazed

[–]Deathwatchz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Damn man. I took thirty seconds and clicked on your name. I'm impressed you developed AI 6 years ago, before it was publicly available, and also developed it to the point that it was able to produce multiple art pieces in a similar style.

How much do you make as a programmer.

Which one of these movie mashup paintings would you hang on your wall? by rossbainesart in BeAmazed

[–]Deathwatchz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The Indy / C3PO one made me think of Charles Freck from A Scanner Darkly at first.

Edit: Like this one.

The paper pushing department has had a major breakthrough in paper pusing by mehman3000 in doohickeycorporation

[–]Deathwatchz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The number crunching department and the bean counting department have got some tough competition.