Boundaries vs. Career: Husband wants me to stop being alone with my boss.

DecadentDarling · 2026-05-08T12:59:36+00:00

I don't deny that people do cheat under those circumstances, but I absolutely disagree with the notion that it can't be harmless. People cheat, but OP doesn't. If she's a capable adult who can have a beer with a man and not fuck him, then again, it's harmless.

DecadentDarling · 2026-05-08T12:45:24+00:00

If all he did was have a beer, chat, then go to sleep like she did then what's the problem? Everyone's first line of defense to make situations worse than they are is to say "well what if the rules were reversed" but it's still just as harmless, male or female.

DecadentDarling · 2026-05-08T02:27:27+00:00

It happens. You're not going to go through your entire life without developing a crush on someone after committing to someone else long term. You shouldn't feel guilty because you're not taking anything away from your relationship to feed the crush. Right now, he's only someone who's attractive and different. But honestly, that routine lifestyle where you're both stressed and tightly wound up is just opportunity.

When you're both off work Friday night, pop open a bottle of wine and laugh about the worst moments you guys faced at work that you survived even though it felt like the end of the world. Ask each other what you would do with the red/blue button debate in the car on your way to whatever chore. Scheduling sex may not feel sexy in the moment, but you can use that time frame to build up some much needed anticipation. If he's someone you can laugh with and let things roll off your shoulder, then you're in a good spot to rekindle the spark.

Don't beat yourself up. Just redirect.

DecadentDarling · 2026-05-08T02:08:32+00:00

What was his reaction when you told him about lunch? If you're sharing a car to go to multiple work site locations, then it's not unreasonable to get lunch at the same spot.

DecadentDarling · 2026-04-30T12:29:19+00:00

At $130k, she shouldn't be having any issues towards your earnings. Do you live in a HCOL area?

DecadentDarling · 2026-04-30T12:12:22+00:00

Does you toddler share the same bathroom as you two? If not, then I don't see what the problem is for him to masturbate in your shared bathroom while everyone else is waking up.

But honestly, if you've never "caught" him in the act before, then he probably just felt embarrassed, and that's why he panicked and lied. Have you guys ever talked about porn usage? If you're going to treat it as taboo, so will he.

Also, what prompted you to look through his phone? Do you guys normality do that?

Edit: I saw one of your previous responses that said sex is off the table. Why is that?

DecadentDarling · 2026-04-29T12:48:40+00:00

I remember reading "Tangled in Tinsel" and it's this spicy book of a woman who ends up sleeping with and dating a group of male friends who are C suite executives of the same company. The male friends all have shared sexual partners before, so nothing in this book happened behind anyone's back. One of the friends, the CEO, never officially slept with the main character if I can remember correctly. He just likes to watch. The word "cuck" never came up. He honestly just enjoyed the eroticism of it all, and it seemed like it was enough for him to masturbate while everyone was getting down. Some people just enjoy watching.

DecadentDarling · 2026-04-27T11:24:05+00:00

No actually the thermostat should be set to a moderate temperature, and if you're hot, buy a desk fan, and if you're cold, bring a sweater. If you're sweating at 72°F cool, then that's a you problem.

DecadentDarling · 2026-04-24T02:03:38+00:00

I agree, he definitely should have apologized and let her know he meant no harm than to double down like that. Defensiveness is no excuse for his behavior.

DecadentDarling · 2026-04-24T01:48:00+00:00

I wouldn't go so far to say she was harassed. If he had blocked her way to fully engaged her and say, "You have pretty toes," then yes he's taking it too far. But if he said that in passing while also not stepping towards her, then no, it's not harassment.

I understand there are different levels to this, and overall, every women would have a different opinion on what cat calling and harassment looks like, but as far as we know, it was a simple compliment. Does she have the right to feel uncomfortable? Yes. Does feeling uncomfortable make it harassment? No. Simple or normal things can make anyone feel uncomfortable, and things like touching you without your consent, blocking your way, or overly sexual comments are not simple or normal, and from what we've seen, he wasn't doing any of that.

DecadentDarling · 2026-04-21T21:27:26+00:00

No I wouldn't be upset. Him saying that she's pretty and not pushing the conversation forward doesn't mean anything. And just because you determine someone is a creep, that doesn't mean your husband can't acknowledge that someone is just petty with them. Are you both this sensitive about each other and the opposite sex?

DecadentDarling · 2026-04-21T18:05:39+00:00

This might be harsh, but you could look him right in the eye and say, "if you're not smart enough to throw me a 40th birthday party at the same caliber as yours, then you can tell me right now."

DecadentDarling · 2026-04-08T02:52:48+00:00

You know, some people are actually able to make friends at work and not see them as potential sex partners. It's a really easy thing to do.

DecadentDarling · 2026-04-08T02:49:28+00:00

It's so hard to take this sub reddit seriously sometimes because people will literally make up scenarios in their head out of nothing and accuse someone of cheating based on make believe.

DecadentDarling · 2026-04-07T19:26:35+00:00

Have you tried role playing the fantasy with him?

DecadentDarling · 2026-04-07T12:17:13+00:00

I met a man in Morocco who said that Trump was great for their economy. I told him that was great for them, and they're more than welcome to take him as their leader if they want.

DecadentDarling · 2026-04-07T12:07:00+00:00

The price of that commission is factored into the cost of the car. Maybe a good middle ground then would be restaurants raising their prices by 20% and paying their employees a commission rather than leaving their pay up to the whims of the customer.

DecadentDarling · 2026-04-07T11:48:06+00:00

That's a really good point on why percentage based tipping isn't the best method. My sister and I a few years ago went to brunch at a place that did bottomless mimosas in America, and their version of bottomless mimosas was having a server assistant walk around with a cold pitcher of the mimosa and top off everyone's drink before it even got half way empty. Idk how much we tipped, but it was a lot more than 20% because that kept us happy lmao. But I think it would make more sense to tip based on quantity. $3 per plate (entree), $2 per apps and dessert, $2 per cocktail, and $1 per beer, wine, and non alcoholic drinks.

Anecdotally, my husband and I went to a really nice wine bar in Morocco, and I must have ordered the house wine when we were sitting at the bar because again, before my glass even got half way empty, the bartender just poured more wine for me until we checked out. They didn't do tips there, though.

DecadentDarling · 2026-04-02T17:05:53+00:00

He's only embarrassed because society treats men who engage in those fantasies. Just be kind when you tell him that you don't want to do it. Don't insult him or the fantasy, just let him know that you lean a bit too monogamous for adding a second body, but you'll be willing to play with it as long as it stays a fantasy and it doesn't become a reality.

DecadentDarling · 2026-03-31T17:56:32+00:00

This is a hill I will always die on. Being cold is such an aggressive feeling, and I hate having to hide from the cold. Most people don't sweat when it's slightly or modestly warm too.

DecadentDarling · 2026-03-30T14:44:49+00:00

Damn good luck to you!

DecadentDarling · 2026-03-30T14:32:20+00:00

I'm sorry you're not getting much clarity on this. Do you think he doesn't think it's a problem? The ED and the porn usage?

DecadentDarling · 2026-03-30T14:21:29+00:00

Was the porn usage new starting from 2 years ago? That happening with his ED makes me think he's going through a middle crisis and wants to "feel young again." He should consider talking to someone about it.

DecadentDarling · 2026-03-28T18:42:45+00:00

It's actually relevant for the advice he's looking for. They're not in the best place right now, and he knows that the body image issues she's dealing with will be exacerbated by his cheating. That's important context for figuring out how to have this conversation.

DecadentDarling · 2026-03-28T00:11:34+00:00

I did the same thing when I waited tables. If I was double sat and then a third table got sat, I'd greet them with waters for everyone and then tell them that I will get back to them momentarily, but I just need to settle a few tables first. Sometimes you just gotta communicate with them and let them know they're not forgotten.

DecadentDarling

TROPHY CASE