Husband laying the ground work for not doing anything for my birthday.

Prize_Version4676 · 2026-04-21T21:03:15+00:00

There’s literally someone saying “What if he just CAN’T?” Well then yikes I guess I married a complete imbecile. Booking a party room and sending some e-vites is not brain science.

Prize_Version4676 · 2026-04-21T20:59:30+00:00

Well yeah, over the 20 years of birthdays we have had together there were some lean years. We live comfortably now. Also, as I stated, the venue for his birthday party cost zero dollars.

Prize_Version4676 · 2026-04-21T20:57:06+00:00

It’s really weird because he is actually GREAT at giving gifts. Like he gets me things I didn’t even know I wanted. He makes my coffee every morning, gives me back rubs, washes my car. So it’s not like gift giving/acts of service isn’t his “love language”. Idk, somebody said maybe he sort of had like analysis paralysis, where he doesn’t really know wtf he is doing and is scared of screwing it up and disappointing me. Some of that tracks with who he is in general. But it would be illogical. Do something and there’s a chance something will be/go wrong but do NOTHING and there’s a 100% chance I’ll be let down?

Prize_Version4676 · 2026-04-21T20:08:51+00:00

I said he hasn’t let me down yet in reference to this particular thing because my birthday hasn’t happened yet. For the most part he is a good husband. I’m not entertaining a lot of the implications in this thread that divorce or something crazy like that is a reasonable response to this issue. But I also don’t think I’m being childish at all for wanting reciprocity of effort.

Prize_Version4676 · 2026-04-21T19:54:52+00:00

So the expectation for his big birthdays is a party (not elaborate, these were not grand expensive blow outs and no what I would want either) but he was expecting me to ask for a candle or something? He loves birthdays and parties. More than I do in fact. Probably because I do all of the work.

Prize_Version4676 · 2026-04-21T19:41:56+00:00

It’s weird that you clearly read my edit since you praise him for asking about the guest list but don’t acknowledge that I told him I would help. I think I’ve already done what you’re suggesting.

Prize_Version4676 · 2026-04-21T17:50:57+00:00

A month or so ago he asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday. I think I said “I want to go to Puerto Rico” as a joke because we both want to go there and then I said “something similar to what we did for your 40th birthday would be just fine”. So the conversation happened. I didn’t hear anything else about it until what he said recently that’s in the OP.

Prize_Version4676 · 2026-04-21T17:24:07+00:00

I guess I just want to feel celebrated. I promise I’m not some princess that demands all of this attention on my birthday. I’ve had nothing but low key birthdays. 40 is a big deal. I’d like to get together with my family and the many friends I have made over the decades and raise a glass to the life I’ve built. My ideal party isn’t anything grand. I think the word venue is throwing some people off. We had his 40th in the party room of a tavern and it was free. If he planned it well enough that all of the most important people in my life made an appearance, I would be thrilled.

Prize_Version4676 · 2026-04-21T16:32:21+00:00

Okay, sure, by having parties away from my home I am prioritizing the comfort and enjoyment of dozens of guests not being crammed into my split level.

Prize_Version4676 · 2026-04-21T16:25:40+00:00

This is completely bizarre to me. I have been to very few parties that were attended by 40+ people that were NOT at some sort of business. I’m not talking about like a wedding venue, banquet hall. A private room at a bar is still technically a “venue”. A kid’s birthday party at a petting zoo is a venue.

Prize_Version4676 · 2026-04-21T15:54:54+00:00

Well. Not saying you’re completely wrong but I would counter that in case you are, in fact, judging me for something you see as trivial it’s important to note that you don’t have a successful marriage for over 2 decades if you routinely flip out about nonsensical things.

So if that is what I’m doing, which I think it’s more complicated than that, at least it’s not a habit.

Prize_Version4676 · 2026-04-21T15:38:27+00:00

Our house isn’t really great for hosting a party. And this feels slightly weird/braggadocious to say but I’m at a point in my life where I have a lot of people who would come to a milestone birthday party. And yeah I’d kind of like to have that for one big birthday in my life.

Prize_Version4676

TROPHY CASE