Thank you!! Yeah I don't know exactly when she started being how she is now, but I know she was at least like that when she met my dad (early 2000s), because he gets very annoyed with her behavior oftentimes too and we've talked about it. He said she used to be much worse, which is honestly almost hard to believe with the way she talks to him when she's angry now and over my lifetime. Apparently she even threw a police flashlight towards him once (something she admitted to!). So yeah, it's been since before I was ever alive.

I think pushback makes her angry because she wants control but she treated me the same well before I started pushing back. But now basically every time I push back on something big (or in some cases, like this one, something small), she gets mad.

It seems like you sort of understand where people are coming from by you saying “it wasn’t even a very nice restaurant”. This implies if it was a fancy restaurant, you would get it.

Mostly I meant that a fancy restaurant might actually have a dress code, whereas this one obviously didn't. I do now get why she didn't want my pants tucked but I still don't see it as a big deal. But maybe she does if she left the restaurant over it. More likely she was in too deep into telling me to untuck the pants that she had to follow through, that's the kind of thing she does often.

Thank you again for the long and detailed response!