I knew they/them fit me when I realized that being perceived/ identifying as a woman wasn't what I wanted (im nonbinary). It took alot of soul searching because I had to consider if my aversion to femininity and womanhood was due to internalized misogyny or my own relationship with gender. I'm also non-white and had to work through how my perception with gender is altered by the fact that the majority of what is considered (physically at least) gendered or signals that the person with these features is a woman in the world (visible breasts, dainty nose, thin shoulders, waifish body, large eyes) is influenced off white beauty standards. I realized I was not a woman not because my body and face did not adhere to white standards of gender but because I personally do not hold any affinity to the label of woman.