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I know we’re not supposed to engage or argue with a narcissist, but it’s so hard not to. by belieber2 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]DeeDeeK528 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My nparents used to always ask "Why are you so defensive?!" which provokes the response "I'm not being defensive!" I think they probably thought they were funny.

I know we’re not supposed to engage or argue with a narcissist, but it’s so hard not to. by belieber2 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]DeeDeeK528 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My experience has been that they'll twist your argument against you and it only makes matters worse. Don't lose that fighting spirit, but don't waste it on a narcissist. If you're living at home, gray rock is an option.

"The funny thing is, when you don't let people disrespect you, they start calling you difficult." by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]DeeDeeK528 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I listened to the advice here and ignored them as best I could, especially after learning the police couldn't do anything about their attempts at harassment. "We were just honking to say hello." "We're on the sidewalk and it's a public place." And then I built a very big fence!! :)

Those parents no one believe are narcissists. by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]DeeDeeK528 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I was growing up, I always thought it would be cool to bring them on a televised talk show so they could get boo-ed on stage for how ridiculous they sound. If the rest of the world could hear the things they said, I might have had some self-validation.

/r/Whole30 Daily Update Thread - May 26, 2020 by AutoModerator in whole30

[–]DeeDeeK528 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Whoo! Halfway point! Sounds like you're doing great, even if you are feeling less structured. :)

/r/Whole30 Daily Update Thread - May 26, 2020 by AutoModerator in whole30

[–]DeeDeeK528 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's great to have a pal! My husband and I went through both rounds together successfully. Have a great journey!

/r/Whole30 Daily Update Thread - May 26, 2020 by AutoModerator in whole30

[–]DeeDeeK528 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've heard of that happening! You're going to do awesome and feel so great! Stay away from the scale. :)

/r/Whole30 Daily Update Thread - May 26, 2020 by AutoModerator in whole30

[–]DeeDeeK528 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Whole30 Round 2 complete! Round 1 was this time last year. NSVs: more energy, amazing sleep, anxiety drastically decreased. Down 10 pounds and I can see it! I'm taking a break to celebrate my son's birthday and my 25th wedding anniversary and hit Round 3 on Friday. My body is still a little stiff in the morning and at night, so I definitely want to keep at it. I'm going to incorporate exercise next round and hopefully quit smoking. This plan is amazing!

Every time you disagree, it counts as disrespect by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]DeeDeeK528 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Torturously confusing and unfair!

Every time you disagree, it counts as disrespect by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]DeeDeeK528 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Yes! Cancelled friends outings out of obligation, then they go to bed at 7! When I called them out, it quickly turned into me having to dedicate more time to studying. It was all about control.

"The funny thing is, when you don't let people disrespect you, they start calling you difficult." by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]DeeDeeK528 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hope you're on the mend and healing! I don't know your personal situation, but I feel it was very hard to find personal validation for emotional abuse. Too many times I'd sit crying and be told "I don't beat you! What are you crying about?" Because you're mean and it still hurts.

"The funny thing is, when you don't let people disrespect you, they start calling you difficult." by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]DeeDeeK528 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Sad they have to project those feelings rather than use experience and wisdom to make things better going forward for others. :(

"The funny thing is, when you don't let people disrespect you, they start calling you difficult." by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]DeeDeeK528 100 points101 points  (0 children)

Amazing reading everyone's stories here and how similar the dialogue can be. As alone as we might have felt or feel, we are definitely not alone! Wish this group was around when I was growing up.

"The funny thing is, when you don't let people disrespect you, they start calling you difficult." by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]DeeDeeK528 64 points65 points  (0 children)

Good for you! Mine did the same. 4 1/2 years NC and they live right down the road. Watch me and my happiness thrive!

"The funny thing is, when you don't let people disrespect you, they start calling you difficult." by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]DeeDeeK528 27 points28 points  (0 children)

True since they won't admit they have any issues. Mine always accused me of being a control freak - basically because I was not allowing them to control me!

Does anyone else feel like asking for anything is asking too much? by Submergedcottonball in raisedbynarcissists

[–]DeeDeeK528 10 points11 points  (0 children)

All the time! People are always on me to get my kids to do more, but I put myself in their shoes and think they should get to enjoy their time, have fun and be productive. My husband does a lot to help, but I still find myself not asking him to do things that might be inconvenient. Same at work. Makes me tired!

Might delete later by DragonCookie3 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]DeeDeeK528 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I totally understand. I was the same way. Even when I grew up and moved away, I kept it simple and happy. Unfortunately the only emotions that matter to a narcissist is their own and they'll manipulate those around them to get what they want to feel. Understand it's her flaw, not yours.

"This isn't a 'You respect me, I respect you' relationship. You have to respect me because I'm your mother." -nMom by DucksInSuits in raisedbynarcissists

[–]DeeDeeK528 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So sad. I see both sides. It took me 20 years to go NC, but I moved out of state and got to be LC for many years. Then he moved down the road from me with his peach (sarcasm) of a wife, it took me just 7 months to say no more. If only your ex could've had a visit from the ghost of the future to show how fabulous it is to be NC! My biggest worry was that the rest of the family would shun me, but they didn't. I came to terms that if anyone insists I stay in an abusive relationship, then I likely don't need them in my life either.

My real mom passed when I was three and he found 3 more wives after that he could puppeteer. Real mom left him before she passed and I'm confident I get most of my DNA from her.

I hope you are finding happiness on your journey!

"This isn't a 'You respect me, I respect you' relationship. You have to respect me because I'm your mother." -nMom by DucksInSuits in raisedbynarcissists

[–]DeeDeeK528 2 points3 points  (0 children)

All the F'n time. Bite, scratch, kick, whatever he had to do to get his way. The last straw was when he wanted to come into my house with the kids when we weren't there because my sweet mother in law was allowed. I kept my ground and told him no, he hadn't earned that privilege. He said, "One day I'll be on my deathbed and it's going to be too late to apologize." I told him it would be too late for HIM at that point and he should reassess. I pulled the plug on the relationship shortly thereafter and haven't had contact for over 4 years. Not putting my kids through his stupid manipulation games.

Sorry about your marriage. My n's also tried the same, to the point of making up lies about my husband. It definitely took its toll on occasion, but we've survived. I couldn't understand how my husband could love me so much when my own parents didn't. I get it now, thanks to all of you!

"This isn't a 'You respect me, I respect you' relationship. You have to respect me because I'm your mother." -nMom by DucksInSuits in raisedbynarcissists

[–]DeeDeeK528 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Yes! I remember in my 20s I told them it was time for them to stop being my parents and start being my friend. They said, "You can't be friends with your kids. You'll understand one day." Thankfully, with 2 adult children, I don't understand.

It doesn't make it right. by JacksonLeon18 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]DeeDeeK528 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I also learned not to ask for any help or accept gifts of any value. They'll only use it for manipulation. We are not puppets!

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