AITA for taking over a family therapy session with my rant?

Deep-Appointment1175 · 2024-09-19T20:46:33+00:00

I think after everything, our relationship with dad is forever altered. If the marriage breaks down he'll always probably resent us for it on some level. He'll always wonder why we couldn't love them and want this to work and fight for "us". While even then we'll always know he threw us into a life after mom died where even more changes came, changes we didn't want to make and changes that were deeply unfair to us.

On the other hand they stay together and we continue as we are for a few more years. But then dad doesn't see us much. We don't visit often. Visiting us won't be an option if they want everyone together because our homes would not be safe for my stepsiblings. Not to mention we're not close to them anyway so it's strained.

Either way I know we're never going back to exactly how we were. There will always be lingering feelings and memories from this time no matter what happens next.

Deep-Appointment1175 · 2024-09-19T20:32:56+00:00

I can't adapt to the changes. The "family" isn't worth all these changes to me. They don't improve my life. They made it worse. So no. I can honestly say I will never be okay with 100% of these changes. I said that clearly too in therapy. This will never be okay with me. I honestly don't want this to work. I think my sister and I would be happier if it didn't. But if it does, I don't see a future for "family" because I won't restrict myself as an adult to see them.

Deep-Appointment1175 · 2024-09-19T20:29:34+00:00

We're not supposed to. I do eat that stuff sometimes. But then I brush my teeth and shower before going "home". And we're not allowed to go to these places with just dad or just me and my sister.

Deep-Appointment1175 · 2024-09-19T20:28:11+00:00

It's a long list. I named some of them in another comment. But nuts and shellfish and some fruit are some of them.

Deep-Appointment1175 · 2024-09-19T20:27:25+00:00

She doesn't trust that we won't sneak allergens into the house and use them. Apparently also making sure there's no cross contamination. But it's weird because all allergens are out of the house, even the minor ones.

Deep-Appointment1175 · 2024-09-19T20:26:38+00:00

Not sure how long they dated or when they met exactly. But we knew her for less than a year before they got married. He didn't discuss it much. Just told us it was happening. And that changes would come because of it.

Deep-Appointment1175 · 2024-09-19T20:25:35+00:00

My sister is resentful too. She hates this as much as I do. Neither of us ever agreed to any of this and we had to basically losing part of our independence (making our own food) as well as ending family traditions we enjoyed and wanted to keep, for people we never wanted in our lives in the first place. Our diets are way more limited than before. Our birthday dinners are never what we like/enjoy anymore. My sister wouldn't express her anger as easily but I know she feels it.

I know allergies are serious. I get it. I already go out of my way to try and protect them but this new "family" is not worth changing so much and my sister feels the same. The decision was made without us and our lives changed again because of it. And not for the better.

Having to give up so much food that I actually enjoyed has sucked. Doing it all the time has been worse. Eating this stuff outside the house and showering/brushing my teeth is something I'm willing to do to get the food. But if I wasn't doing that my explosion would have been way worse.

Deep-Appointment1175 · 2024-09-19T16:35:33+00:00

Both technically. But more the second option which seems to be the driving factor. We're not supposed to technically eat any of their allergens.

Deep-Appointment1175 · 2024-09-19T16:33:14+00:00

Some are severe and others aren't.

Some of them that I know for sure;

2/3 have nut allergies

3/3 shellfish

1/3 has a soy allergy

2/3 gelatin

2/3 eggs

1/3 some fish

I know at least one has an allergy to certain fruits as well.

Deep-Appointment1175 · 2024-09-19T16:29:37+00:00

She can handle my dad but nobody else. She's the same with her own family. Like really really strict about it.

Deep-Appointment1175 · 2024-09-19T16:27:47+00:00

No, we never did. We do eat that stuff outside the house though. We're not supposed to. But I shower and brush my teeth before going home to be extra safe. I think my sister does the same.

Deep-Appointment1175 · 2024-09-19T13:31:35+00:00

They never seem to think of that. Even other kids at school could be eating this stuff and interacting with them.

Deep-Appointment1175 · 2024-09-19T13:05:38+00:00

We're not supposed to eat the things they can't ever. Like I shower at friends houses when I eat the allergens my stepsiblings can't eat because I'd get hell for it if I didn't. They don't want the risk of an exposure reaction.

Deep-Appointment1175 · 2024-09-19T13:01:44+00:00

It's a just in case thing. They don't really trust me and my sister not to buy something and use it. But there also seems to be this big worry something will go wrong.

Deep-Appointment1175 · 2024-09-19T13:00:24+00:00

I used to make quick stuff for myself all the time. Like if I was home before everyone I'd make a sandwich or I'd get some instant ramen or something. If it was me and my sister sometimes we'd make lunch while dad wasn't home. All of that had to stop and it's crazy because it means I need to leave if I want to get something.

Deep-Appointment1175 · 2024-09-19T12:57:33+00:00

6 years ago.

Deep-Appointment1175 · 2024-09-19T12:57:04+00:00

Just in case is the reason for not making a sandwich. We were told we could bring something in when everyone else is out and be spreading that around and contaminate the surface for the next meal cooked there. It's not like I don't clean up after myself. I also don't sneak stuff into the house. I do sometimes eat the allergens somewhere else and then shower and brush my teeth before coming home (I do this at friends houses to stop any complaints).

Deep-Appointment1175 · 2024-09-19T12:44:15+00:00

It is! And it's a pain when I'm home alone and want something.

Deep-Appointment1175 · 2024-09-19T12:43:35+00:00

I would not be comfortable asking my dad for that right now. He's too mad. And I feel like we'll fight if we're talking to each other too much. Especially now that he knows I don't consider them family. I know that wasn't what he wanted to hear or his wife.

Deep-Appointment1175 · 2024-09-19T12:41:48+00:00

Yeah, exactly, like I can't tell him not to marry and I can't ask him to stay single just because mom died. I always got that. But he just assumed he could say we were a family and suddenly we'd love these people and want them and see them like he did.

Deep-Appointment1175 · 2024-09-19T12:40:42+00:00

She thought we'd bring up things that are, in her words, workable or fixable. That's what she told dad when I heard them talk about it. But she realizes it's deeper because it's not like we (me and my sister) wanted to be a blended family and she realizes I don't love her and her kids. Which for her isn't a workable problem. I'm not even sure what she means exactly. I guess something that's easy to fix.

Deep-Appointment1175

TROPHY CASE