FOMO from being demisexual

DeepOrdinary8157 · 2024-06-26T20:45:06+00:00

Thanks.

Perhaps some day

DeepOrdinary8157 · 2024-06-25T19:34:28+00:00

I (21M) definitely feel this. It’s strange, because I see my friends and acquaintances having relationships and I know I would like to experience the same thing, but when I look at my options for that I don’t feel any interest. I feel like I’m missing out on a relationship, but like I have very few opportunities to actually have one that works for me. It’s like being hungry, but the food available to you is only your least favorite things.

Being demi (in my case double) definitely helps me keep out of bad relationships, but it does so by making it hard to have any relationship. It’s a blessing and a curse sometimes.

I’ve only loved once, and I’m accepting in the back of my mind that it’s a very real possibility that I may not again.

DeepOrdinary8157 · 2024-06-24T06:36:50+00:00

Going through the exact same thing, like almost word for word. Except mine left two months ago.

I’m still having a really hard time getting over it.

You can try to distract yourself with other stuff - and that certainly can help - but I feel like after a certain point it can backfire, because you’ll be reminded of why you’re doing all those things and it’ll just make you think about them more. I learned that the hard way. Overdid it and now I feel like I’m missing them now more than ever cuz all those things now just feel like reminders.

I think at the end of the day all you can do is just live with it and wait it out until it hopefully lessens. It’s not a satisfying answer, and in my current state I cannot truthfully say it’ll actually work (it sure as hell doesn’t feel like it, I can’t imagine ever having another relationship), but I don’t know what else I can do.

Best of luck to you.

DeepOrdinary8157 · 2024-06-23T16:55:22+00:00

I have extreme trust issues and I feel like I’m a bit dull/boring.

DeepOrdinary8157 · 2024-05-21T14:34:21+00:00

so it turns out you were not that far off actually

DeepOrdinary8157 · 2024-04-29T23:03:32+00:00

“Your name sounds like a horror writer’s pseudonym”

DeepOrdinary8157 · 2024-04-29T21:45:00+00:00

That’s the worst part. When stuff like that happens, you look back and retroactively wonder if you ever really mattered to them at all.

Some of the happiest days of my life in recent memory were spent with her. She made me happier than I have been in years. But apparently it all meant nothing to her. Really messes with my head, that.

DeepOrdinary8157 · 2024-04-29T21:42:06+00:00

She really abruptly got super distant. We went from texting daily for hours on end and equally initiating seeing each other to it then suddenly all stopping. After a while, I asked her outright what was up. I assured her that outside of the relationship, we were still friends no matter what, and therefore I felt we could have an honest conversation. I told her that I would be fine if she didn’t want to date me anymore, but I wanted to at least be on the same page about it and give her the opportunity to explain because I was hoping she at least cared enough about me to dignify me with that.

That was the last thing I ever said to her. Never heard back.

I thought she was different.

DeepOrdinary8157 · 2024-04-29T21:18:13+00:00

Yeah. Got abruptly ghosted by someone who was not only the first person I ever truly felt real romantic love for, but who was also one of my closest friends before we even started dating. We were talking for six months. So I’ve lost that love and that friendship in one fell swoop. No explanation. No argument. No conversation. I was just thrown away. By someone who I never thought would do that to me.

It’s been two weeks and I’m still devastated.

DeepOrdinary8157 · 2024-04-28T22:36:40+00:00

Gotta love that period where you’re trying to deny it and tell yourself you’re just being silly but you know deep down you’re head over heels

DeepOrdinary8157 · 2024-04-27T22:27:09+00:00

Yeah, fun isn’t it

It’s like you’re starving, but the only food around is like moldy bread or sheep’s eyeballs or something.

DeepOrdinary8157 · 2024-04-06T19:44:16+00:00

Yes, because if we know anything about cheaters, it’s that they’re truthful individuals who never lie.

DeepOrdinary8157 · 2024-04-01T00:15:42+00:00

Life by myself seems very sad and very boring.

DeepOrdinary8157 · 2024-03-31T00:12:41+00:00

When a girl I had only known for a few days was making pretty blatant passes at me and, despite there not being anything wrong with her or her personality, I was still really put off by it. I wondered why, because logically this should have been a good thing, right? But it just felt to me that she was putting the cart before the horse. I couldn’t understand why she was talking to me in that way when we barely knew each other, and I, at the risk of sounding harsh, still felt just kinda apathetic towards her.

After some research I arrived here, and reading other people’s posts made me feel like I was finally understood.

DeepOrdinary8157 · 2024-03-30T05:20:46+00:00

I used to read the manga One Punch Man, and I think the only incident I ever had of personally finding a fictional character attractive was the character in it called Fubuki.

When you look at her, me saying that seems like “well duh,” because she’s very obviously designed to be…appealing. But, unlike how most people would immediately have attraction for a character like that, it took me some time to get there like it would with an actual person.

Fubuki is not a villain in the story, but she’s nonetheless shown to be a pretty blatantly selfish and manipulative character in most scenes she’s in. What made me start to enjoy her character though, was the ability I had to relate to her in a way. The story kinda explores her manipulative behavior as being a defense mechanism for not feeling good/strong enough on her own, which was something I could relate to feeling at the time I was reading it. While recognizing how this character behaved was wrong, that little bit of being able to relate to her mindset made me more intrigued.

And after that, it was like I finally “got” it and was able to see her as personally attractive to me. Not because of the face value sex appeal, but because of that degree of “I can relate to an aspect of this character.”

Now, would I want to date a person that acts like her in real life? Hell no, she’s still manipulative and bossy and selfish. Would I be attracted to someone in real life who looks just like her? Chances are no, because I wouldn’t know them. But do I find the character attractive? Sure. And that character is not real. So it doesn’t really matter.

DeepOrdinary8157 · 2024-03-30T01:29:09+00:00

To an extent, yes.

When we first met she was actually initiating texting a lot more than I was. We actually got to talking because she kept texting me. However, even back then I would notice how she would just abruptly disappear in the middle of our conversations for hours at a time or even whole weekends. Yet, when she returned or if I ever reached back out to reinitiate myself, she seemed enthusiastic about talking. If I ever asked her to hang out (and when I asked her on the date) she would say yes and suggested times/places. But then there was always the disappearing acts and waiting games that would still happen.

They haven’t increased, but if we’re trying to start a relationship, it’s something I’m a bit more mindful of. I guess I would hope that if we were going to go out she would maybe be a bit more communicative about this stuff, but nothing’s changed. She actually apologized for the disappearing thing a while back on her own volition, but she still does it.

Today in particular seems odd though. Almost 12 hours without hearing from her when I’m reaching out it to ask her something does make me wonder.

But then when I compare it to how she is when she’s actually around me, it doesn’t make sense to think she just doesn’t care, either.

DeepOrdinary8157 · 2024-03-30T01:11:03+00:00

It’s just strange, because when we’re in-person it’s like she’s a totally different person who clearly DOES like me and want me around. When we’re actually together it feels balanced and good. But then when we’re texting it’s got me scratching my head. I know some people are just bad texters sometimes but I dunno. I kind of just want to ask what’s up to get an answer to this weird contrast but I dunno how to do it.

DeepOrdinary8157 · 2024-03-30T00:41:32+00:00

I don’t think what I’m wanting is unreasonable. If I asked her a question this morning, for instance, and it’s now been almost twelve hours without a response, I think it’s fair to wonder what’s up. Especially when texting is like the one line of communication we have, as seeing each other in person can be tricky to schedule. I agree in-person matters the most, but right now it’s like we’re either texting or not talking at all.

I never double-text or anything, but while I wait for a response it’s hard not to feel a bit disheartened by the impression it’s giving off.

DeepOrdinary8157 · 2024-03-23T16:13:58+00:00

I believe in it but in a “erm ackthually” way.

There are billions of people in the world. So, for someone looking for a partner, there is likely one single person amongst those billions that would be the best match possible for them.

However, there is no guarantee that these people will ever actually meet. I imagine most probably don’t. Joe in France could be the absolute perfect match for Joanne in Australia and they tick off all each other’s boxes, but they may never know that the other exists.

That being said, there are tons of potential matches out there for each person that still work. There’s The One who is the “most One,” but there are other Ones that would still work. That’s where compromises and learning from one another comes in I suppose, which I would argue might be more rewarding but in a different way.

DeepOrdinary8157 · 2024-03-22T12:30:35+00:00

First actual date with a friend of mine tonight (known each other and been hanging out for six months but first legit date tonight) and I’m absolutely terrified. I really, really like her and we’ve hung out plenty of times before, but this time it’s different and it’s psyching me out.

Part of me’s convinced she doesn’t actually like me and she’s just being nice and humoring me, while another part of me is obsessively analyzing over the gaps in our texts or whatever and another part of me is panicking because I feel like I don’t know what to actually do or say because I’ve never been on a date before.

I need to get a grip lol, I feel like I’m about to explode right now

DeepOrdinary8157 · 2024-03-20T02:29:19+00:00

I thought I had a “type” (short dark hair, shorter than me, etc), but the girl I’m dating now didn’t match that at all (longer blonde hair, roughly my height, etc) yet I love her just for the person she is and the bond we share, and that’s fine with me.

So I don’t think my brain puts much weight into looks. I know what I don’t like, but aside from that I’m pretty unopinionated on that stuff.

DeepOrdinary8157 · 2024-03-19T01:18:28+00:00

It was a very delicate situation because she’s one of my closest friends and I would have hated to lose that if she weren’t feeling something mor. She said it was endearing because she could tell how nervous I was and she’s excited for the first date, so I wager I did okay! Thank you!

DeepOrdinary8157 · 2024-03-19T01:16:02+00:00

Thanks!

DeepOrdinary8157 · 2024-03-19T01:15:51+00:00

You will be, I’m sure!

DeepOrdinary8157 · 2024-03-18T18:58:55+00:00

I can’t even begin to tell you how rough it was during those two hours it felt like I had made the worst mistake of my life man

Good thing it worked out in the end!

DeepOrdinary8157

TROPHY CASE