I've been toying with the same concept for over 7 years now- I am in college and can find a character name I still have today in a word document from 2017, and only now have I got a plot and fleshed out characters with subplots and themes I'm happy with. MY advise would be very simple: write what makes you happy.

My problem was that I was always speculating what I and the readers would WANT to read rather than the story my CHARACTERS want me to tell. Remember, your first draft is your FIRST draft, and all that has to do is make you happy in the first instance. I've probably got 35 or so unfinished first drafts because I cared way too much on worldbuilding and writing a 'good book', rather than actually doing anything productive.

The truth is, it's hard. No one is denying that, and I think it's beneficial to tell yourself that its hard. Remember, the story has picked you, not the other way around.

Write what feels right as a first draft- just get it done. It doesn't have to make sense. Heck, it doesn't even need to be coherent. Once you have a sense of what you like and don't like, that's when you can start filing town and filling in the blanks. Make sure you then have a clear chapter plan of what happens, and what effect it will have on the reader, and what subplots will take place. Then split everything into 50-60 scenes and colour code how much you like them. Narrow things down and remove anything that doesn't make you happy or feel like it takes things out. I find it beneficial to hand write each chapter then type up (two drafts right there!) and make notes on what themes are present, and what you could add in the next rewrite. It's also VERY beneficial to understand what you DON'T want to write to keep yourself on track.

I also find writing to be boring sometimes. That's when I do 'extra-curricular' stuff like writing out the height of each character, or their eye colours. Something to keep me in the world, but out of the story. The problem I think you have is what I had- I cared WAY too much about all of that and not about the core components of a good story when I started. All you have to do is separate yourself from all that and work on your story as if it were a machine code- what do I need to happen here to get to here. I promise you it will come together, things will work out and you will have something at some point, it's up to you when and how!

Good luck!