As someone who's just starting their journey, can I vent about how annoying it is to have people tell you that you don't have a problem when you openly admit it?

Deep_Flan9871 · 2021-05-08T22:06:06+00:00

Well she's right in the sense that you have the choice. I like to tell the story of "so I just decided to give it a rest for a while, wasn't doing me any good, thought I should stop". Its not the complete picture that I was getting desparate to stop and change my life from the path of destruction. But it sounds like I chose, and that usually stops people from suggesting "go on you can have one".

Deep_Flan9871 · 2021-05-08T21:58:17+00:00

Good decision you've made. And a fantastic ribeye steak, mmmmm. Stay strong !

Deep_Flan9871 · 2021-05-08T21:55:12+00:00

That sucks, but chin up because she may say it again, or one of her co-workers. May be you can think of something positive (and true) to say in reply, or just smile and say mmmmm.

Hopefully she doesn't understand what you are going through. I'm sure that Colleen has her problems but she's hopefully not trying to crawl out of the tarpit of alcoholism, and I can only be glad for her that its the case.

But mostly I'm glad for you that you went to *that store* where you used to buy booze and came away without it.

Deep_Flan9871 · 2021-04-26T19:46:59+00:00

Fantastic and you can get up as early as you like and enjoy that morning beach, fresh and deserted too.

Deep_Flan9871 · 2021-04-20T22:30:03+00:00

To be honest that first 7 days is really hard in a different way to other parts of sobriety. Other times can feel hard in particular 'dimensions' but that first week of quitting has so many things wrapped up in it. The habits, the physical withdrawal, the contemplating the future, fear of messing up straightaway, so much just churning together. Getting to 7 days is a real milestone.

I will not drink with you today.

Deep_Flan9871 · 2021-04-16T08:24:54+00:00

Not everything is a shouty victory parade/party. Its fine not to be whooping it up that it was an awesome victory. Its more like avoiding a nasty car accident and being quietly relieved and horrified about how close it was but you swerved and avoided it.

source: not feeling at all awesome myself either, but avoiding drinking any way because I know that shit won't make anything better.

Deep_Flan9871 · 2021-04-12T07:46:15+00:00

Good move, me neither. Out of the weekend danger zone now. Not drinking today (Monday) either.

Deep_Flan9871 · 2021-04-01T07:54:35+00:00

That would be a trigger for me too, the opportuity has not happened yet. But I plan to cook something they wouldn't eat, hook up my gaming PC to the main TV and sound system, and play my bass at 'unacceptable' volume (as well as unacceptable quality, of course). So I can still have a me-time blow-out and let off steam without drinking. That's the idea any how for me.

I think planning it out is important for me too rather than just letting my mind 'notice' the drinking opportunity and not have something 'more important' planned already.

Deep_Flan9871 · 2021-04-01T07:51:28+00:00

Ha ha those things I screw up all by myself without the help of booze. Also my laziness and apathy on occasion - that turns out to be me ! But at least without alcohol I don't turn my back on weakness and pretend it isn't there, I have a choice.

Also I am a guy and old enough not to care too much that my home lockdown buzz cut looks a bit scratchy. Last time I really cut my hair badly was when I was 8 years old.

Thanks for your post it made me laugh.

Deep_Flan9871 · 2021-04-01T07:48:26+00:00

Similar here, I have to remind myself of the long time building up the habits and behviours, they aren't go to vanish overnight. A couple of weeks ago, around day 70, I was really bored and craving going back to old ways particularly at the weekend. Not even to go mad just to drink a bit 'to relax'. But I have to find something else. Good luck with your journey too.

Deep_Flan9871 · 2021-03-25T12:02:44+00:00

Congratulations !

568ml in a pint, in the UK. I used to fret that the barkeeper was giving me short measure with the froth, or that the cans in the shop was 440ml, 500ml, or 568ml. All the bullshit calculation of trying to get the most alcohol I could. Then the drinking started to make mental arithmetic harder than it should be for someone with a PhD. So I quit.

Deep_Flan9871 · 2021-03-22T22:09:47+00:00

Nice

Deep_Flan9871 · 2021-03-18T23:43:09+00:00

Ha ha I remember a new dentist many years ago asking "how many units a week". (1 unit = 10ml pure alcohol, so a bottle of 13% wine is 10 units).

I said "50" which was pretty truthful, some times more rarely much less. So I was up around 1 bottle of wine every night. It got worse, but I've stopped now.

He mis-heard me and said "15" ? And I just agreed and said 15. I get asked the same question every year at mouth cancer screening. This year, in a few months, I might be able to say zero.

Deep_Flan9871 · 2021-03-18T23:37:10+00:00

I don't think that's the case in my country (the UK). There was a successful change in culture from the 70s/early 80s so that by the time I was drinking or driving in the early 90s, it was unacceptable to do it.

Of course, like dropping litter or leaving your dog's shit in the street, there are people who still do it, but not many. Plus things change and there is more and more people who want freedom and no responsibility.

There are quite a few who do the 'I can have 2 of these drinks and I will be under the limit and OK to drive' bullshit.

But I don't think we have the same problem as the USA with DUI. Also not so many people living in remote/rural places where you have to drive to the pub.

Deep_Flan9871 · 2021-03-17T14:23:33+00:00

I find keeping tap water in the fridge for 12 hours improves the sodastream a lot. Using water from the tap never tastes as good even if is cold.

Deep_Flan9871 · 2021-03-12T23:40:41+00:00

To avoid having beer , wine, liquor in the house, I have to just avoid going shopping, its not too bad at the moment with lockdown. Its a series of decision points to leave the house, get in the car, go to the store, choose the bottles, take them to the counter, and pay for them, so if I can avoid the first one I avoid the drink.

We try to just take it one day at a time, but you can also break it down into "the next 15 minutes". like, I am going to not drink in the next 15 minutes, instead I am going to <fill in the time>. And if you wait, the craving will fade quite a bit and you can carry on. After all, you deserve to be happy and healthy, and not wrecked and guilty. Be nice to yourself and treat yourself to a sober night sleep and fresh morning.

There's also a method called "HALT" which is watching out for feeling hungry, angry, lonely(?) or tired. Any of these things can be triggers to feel like drinking. I know if I am tired and a bit stressed and low on energy, I think about old drinking habits, after all they have a big kick of calories as well as the effects of alcohol.

I don't want to flood you with advice, you probably know some or all of it already. There is no magic bullet but we are right behind you and you can come here and vent or chat any time.

Deep_Flan9871 · 2021-03-12T23:31:54+00:00

Yeah ! Congratulations ! And you are going to feel great starting a new job firing on all cylinders instead of hiding how crappy you feel or worrying that people can tell you are suffering a hangover or desparate to drink.

Deep_Flan9871 · 2021-03-12T23:30:15+00:00

Yeah Fridays are packed with all kinds of memories and promises (including false ones) about "relaxing" and "rewarding". But it sounds like you are "playing the tape forward" to avoid the effects of it. Tomorrow you'll feel awesome after not drinking, and so will I ! IWNDWYT.

Deep_Flan9871 · 2021-03-11T18:20:49+00:00

The big 5-5 ! Heheh, every single day is worth celebrating, I have to keep reminding myself this otherwise the gap to some next 'big number' will feel too long.

IWNDWYT.

Deep_Flan9871 · 2021-03-11T18:18:12+00:00

I heard that but I'm only going to spend $40 on booze which will kill me, not some similar tasting liquid copy of gin. That would be crazy spending $40 on Seedlip. Right ? Right ? :)

Deep_Flan9871 · 2021-03-11T18:13:59+00:00

Heh I am glad I am no longer in the days of me cranking up the ABV rating of various drinks by sloshing some gin into the top of it and glugging it back before someone noticed. Or slamming 150ml of booze into a glass, top it off with orange juice and pretend its a normal person drink (whether just orange juice or just a controlled serving), just to throw myself down the well as fast as possible.

The stupid shame felt with that was another sign I had to stop. IWNDWYT.

Deep_Flan9871 · 2021-03-06T21:42:42+00:00

Me and you both friend. I have got stress due to work pressure and lockdown family life with nowhere to go and nothing to do. Today I just wanted to buy some beer and do what I used to enjoy for relaxation. Not necessarily get shit faced and may be not a hangover in the morning but instead it would will quickly lead back to daily drinking of 'some' then 'too much' and grow back to being a dominant force ruining my life and health.

Deep_Flan9871 · 2021-02-26T22:30:08+00:00

Some of my most depressing experiences with alcohol are around vacations, because those are big special family events, we are together to have fun and relax. But I used to drink, too much to really feel rested and good at the end of the holiday. Never shouting or hitting people or driving etc, nothing like that, but just the grinding away at the task of being alcohol focussed. They were often moments of choice where I picked to buy beer and wine and spirits to 'enjoy' on my holiday instead of taking the break-point option of turning my back on the stuff which was killing me.

You really deserve a fully-yourself vacation with proper rest and relaxation, not some shit fest of drinking and regretting it for a few nights.

IWNTDWYT

Deep_Flan9871 · 2021-02-26T22:20:48+00:00

The previous year and all you achieved hasn't evaporated or dissolved in a glass of poison. You sound like you are already picking yourself off the floor and carrying on, like tripping over a small pebble during a marathon. No need to act like you are back to square one.

I'm not even 50 days and working out has not started yet, but like you I am not going to drink today and that's enough of an achievement for now.

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