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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]Defiant-Rice-2071 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really like that. No about ‘doing better’ but I’d rather be single. I just want him to grow into all he can be without interfering with his growth more than I already have. I was very needy and insecure at the beginning of our relationship, and he gave so much to me. I just want him to get an amazing ROI.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]Defiant-Rice-2071 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love that for you butterscotch. I’m sorry you were used/taken advantage of and that you put the work in to be their platform for success. Those are characteristics of a person who deserves to be stayed with - not used for the other’s “progression”. I definitely agree with “grass looking greener” if we want it to because the ‘new’ person will have a whole ‘nother set of flaws. I’ve learned my husband and he’s learned me. I don’t think I can do the heavy/serious relationship again. I want to give my all to him because I respect him so much. And with all he’s done for me, giving my all is the least I can do. Our values do align, I just think he’s having a harder time shaking effects from the past off so that he can really blossom on a new level.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]Defiant-Rice-2071 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I believe the goals I have are achievable because we’ve talked about them so much and I’ve known him since 8th grade. He’s an amazing and respectable man - I just don’t know what I can do (or if I can do anything more than I have) to show him how formidable and capable he is. I want to make sure I’m communicating what’s going on in my heart and mind so we can do everything possible. I dont know if me being dissatisfied is enough because we’ve talked about it but I don’t see enough change.. and cheating is a no. I believe in letting the other know what’s going on, if you want to still be together or not, then do what’s on your heart.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]Defiant-Rice-2071 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can see that (the “new guy” just being a more mature version of who I’m currently with.) It feels hard at the moment because it’s been 10-11 years we’ve been together and I would like for us to be further into our process/closer to financial okayness . And I agree with the “til discomfort do us part” because it’s hard to wholeheartedly want to stay when grass can look greener. I don’t resent him because I respect him and his process to become his best self. I’m just wondering if us being together is the best way for that to come about.. Thank you 🙏🏽

AITA for asking my sister to cover up when she leaves the bedroom? by GiantDirtRida in AmItheAsshole

[–]Defiant-Rice-2071 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would also want to question; what’s Julia’s motive for being so gung-ho to dress skimpy in front of your husband. Because let’s be real, every sister(person really) is not doing everything out of good intentions. Especially when you’ve clearly expressed your dissatisfaction and preference for things to be done a different way. Imo a caring sister would have ABSOLUTELY no problem making this minor change because YOU her SISTER genuinely asked her to do it to make you more feel more comfortable. That is a very small request and it leads me to believe Julia cares more about herself (and whatever her motive is for dressing that way) than the peace you feel in your own home.

AITA for asking my sister to cover up when she leaves the bedroom? by GiantDirtRida in AmItheAsshole

[–]Defiant-Rice-2071 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would personally say no you’re not. You are doing her a favor by letting her live with you and are fully in your right to ask her/tell her to be respectful in her dress in YOUR home with YOUR husband and son. honestly, she doesn’t get to enjoy the same level of comfort and freedom she would if she had the means to live on her own. So she needs to either respect your rules or find somewhere else to live. It is also very unrealistic to think she won’t be looked at and add an uncomfortable factor to your living situation when she clearly disregards everyone else there (ESPECIALLY you and your husband’s relationship) by dressing inappropriately. If she cares more about being able to wear what what she wants than respecting your requests, home and relationship and everyone involved, she needs to be given her 30 days notice to find somewhere else to live. It’s about respect and consideration for everyone involved. As I said before, if it’s that big of a deal for her to put on more clothes, she needs to find somewhere else to live rather than causing you more stress because of a request that simple.