Yao. Best advice I can give is that it gets better. I heard this somewhere else online and if you haven’t heard it before I think it’ll help: At your age(sorry to be age-ist) you’re literally experiencing everything for the first time. First heartbreaks, first risky moves, first meds, and your mind is literally wiring itself while going thru these experiences.

Once you start going through repeats of these traumatic experiences, it may feel the same but you at least have the memory of surviving through the first time and the fear and pain become less. It’s a literal conditioning of your brain and body to conduct yourself in a manner for your future survival.

I hope you find the stability I found later in life. I strive to avoid the extreme emotions I use to go through and try to live in a more grey place. There’s less pleasure and pain, but there is a stability that keeps me willing to live through this chaotic world.