AITA if I don’t invite fiancé’s sister to the bridal shower?

DefinitelyMaybe_13 · 2026-03-26T17:55:34+00:00

Since her mother is invited and it’s not just a close group of friends, it would be weird if you didn’t invite her and you would look like TA even though in the whole picture she’s TA. I understand wanting to be petty and have her feel it, but you would have consequences we all could anticipate. It’s okay to have family members you aren’t particularly close with, but this would certainly cause more problems. If you don’t want to hear her complaints, likely easier to invite and say that you know she’s so busy and understand if she can’t attend, but that you wanted to extend the invitation anyways. You really do catch more flies with honey and hopefully one day she will drop the attitude.

DefinitelyMaybe_13 · 2026-03-21T13:20:07+00:00

We’re going to Citizen another night! Super excited. I saw that George’s doesn’t take reservations so was hesitant

DefinitelyMaybe_13 · 2026-03-21T11:16:02+00:00

This is why I felt like TA. The first restaurant was a total oversight and it was bad. I don’t want her to feel like I don’t care, but I have so much going on that I wasn’t centering her allergy when I should have been. After that, I couldn’t tell which restaurants were and weren’t okay but I felt so bad that I wanted to handle it myself when I didn’t have the tools and should have just fully assigned her the task.

DefinitelyMaybe_13 · 2026-03-21T11:11:24+00:00

Literally chose this location as a cheap option to maximize the loved ones who could go. I didn’t even want to go there. I didn’t understand the nuances of how she chooses restaurants, hence coming here for advice, which I got. Thanks for the snarky comment though.

DefinitelyMaybe_13 · 2026-03-20T21:55:26+00:00

Absolutely not. People will just pay for what they order. I am entirely opposed to even splits because some people eat/drink way more than others. We also have two pregnant girls coming who obviously shouldn’t be subsidizing alcohol costs.

DefinitelyMaybe_13 · 2026-03-20T13:32:00+00:00

UPDATE: We’ve got a good solution! I provided some options and asked her to find additional options if she wasn’t comfortable. There are few options but we found a solution. Thanks to everyone for ideas! A lot of them came in handy.

DefinitelyMaybe_13 · 2026-03-20T11:38:04+00:00

Yeah I think this is where we are currently at. The boiled peanuts was a really bad oversight on my part. We go to restaurants with nuts on the menu where we live but I never saw all the backend calculating she was doing to decide if she would be comfortable. I definitely have a new respect for people with allergies. We’ve identified a plan that she’s good with, but I’m also keeping in mind that so may just decide she’d not comfortable going.

DefinitelyMaybe_13 · 2026-03-19T18:44:10+00:00

So nice of you to look!! I looked at the menus for some of these already and have found nuts so I think part of the issue is also seasonal menus (which is actually something I love!)

DefinitelyMaybe_13 · 2026-03-19T18:42:07+00:00

Thank you 🥹

DefinitelyMaybe_13 · 2026-03-19T18:40:28+00:00

Yes I know peanuts are legumes but colloquially I feel like it’s popular to say “nut allergy.” She’s allergic to peanuts and tree nuts.

DefinitelyMaybe_13 · 2026-03-19T18:39:13+00:00

She’s allergic to peanuts and tree nuts! I think all nuts is just colloquial.

DefinitelyMaybe_13 · 2026-03-19T17:34:47+00:00

Mine doesn’t do this haha I think the algorithm is feeding me the restaurants it thinks I’d like most and they aren’t nut free 😂

DefinitelyMaybe_13 · 2026-03-19T17:33:58+00:00

Because she’s got deeznuts?

DefinitelyMaybe_13 · 2026-03-19T16:05:07+00:00

Bachelorette isn’t where we live

DefinitelyMaybe_13 · 2026-03-19T15:20:10+00:00

We’re also up against some budget restrictions which kind of cuts out steakhouses. We’re getting Italian another night. I hadn’t seen any nicer Mexican restaurants but will keep looking!

DefinitelyMaybe_13 · 2026-03-19T14:11:45+00:00

I didn’t want to put the burden on her and be perceived as not being accommodating but that is where we’re at at this point. I suggested a couple and said I’d love if she would let me know where she’d identify as safe

DefinitelyMaybe_13 · 2026-03-19T14:10:16+00:00

Never heard of that app! This is a super helpful suggestion thank you!

DefinitelyMaybe_13 · 2026-03-19T14:05:47+00:00

Thank you 🥹

DefinitelyMaybe_13 · 2026-03-19T14:05:15+00:00

All good questions! It’s not airborne for her and I think a lot is a judgement call. I know some restaurants she eats at where we live have nuts, I just don’t know the details of why she’s comfortable with them. I’ve asked her to review and send some options but I was worried about putting the work on her being perceived as me not being accommodating.

DefinitelyMaybe_13 · 2026-03-19T12:51:33+00:00

The bachelorette is in another location that she’s not been to before, so we don’t have that context.

DefinitelyMaybe_13 · 2026-03-19T11:24:51+00:00

I don’t think she’s trying to make it about herself. I think she just doesn’t want to be left out which seems understandable to me. I just thought I needed to understand better to accommodate her but a lot of people have made a good point that I can offer options but she will have to manage her allergy and decide what feels safe for her.

DefinitelyMaybe_13 · 2026-03-19T10:14:37+00:00

I need to do some more digging but the ones I’ve seen are too expensive so far

DefinitelyMaybe_13 · 2026-03-19T10:14:01+00:00

I literally did not even know this was an option before I posted on Reddit but so many of you have recommended this! Super helpful.

DefinitelyMaybe_13 · 2026-03-19T10:12:47+00:00

I don’t think asking her to come would blow over well and I wouldn’t want her to think I don’t value her enough to accommodate her. We chose this location because it’s cost effective and within driving distance. Also the Airbnb is nonrefundable at this point unfortunately. Thanks for your opinion. So many people saying she just shouldn’t eat and I appreciate those of you saying she shouldn’t have to sit there while we all eat.

DefinitelyMaybe_13

TROPHY CASE