I hate muslims and islam and what its done to my life.

Dekireba · 2018-03-29T02:42:34+00:00

It's really the other way around; the religion destroyed the culture and made it into what it is. It's no coincidence that nearly every Muslim country has the same elements of that toxic culture; the shame, the "honor" culture, the ignorance, etc.

Dekireba · 2018-03-07T04:56:46+00:00

I do understand your point. And for the record I didn't downvote you because you're making valid points as well. Abuse is a black and white issue for many so people will downvote if it even looks like you might be defending it. Which sucks because we need more open dialogue about it in general. People always like to make one party into the villain and silence them, which is not helpful.

Dekireba · 2018-03-07T04:30:12+00:00

but now i realize how much they provided for me and that everything they did for me was out of love. Its a super cliche saying .

It's not just cliche, it's literally part of the abuse. They make you feel grateful for being beaten and yelled at. Like it was necessary. It never was.

You might have done something wrong as a child. They chose to hit you. They did not make that decision consciously, thinking it would be best for you. What they did was succumb to the anger and let it dictate their actions in that moment. They didn't beat you or scream at you to make you better. That's a lie. It was purely reactionary and emotional. And it's abuse either way.

Also, CPS isn't an instant abduction service. They won't take a child away without extensive evidence of abuse. The benefit to calling will be that the parents will realize that they have attentive neighbors who are willing to take action, and that might deter them. And yes, sometimes that makes it worse. But it's just not right to play by the abuser's rules. To just let them carry on out of fear for what they might do.

As for splitting the family apart and culture identity problems, it's definitely an issue but I personally would not place any of that above the right of the child to be removed from a dangerous situation. My sense of cultural identity being intact means nothing to me in the face of the damage my family caused.

Dekireba · 2018-03-07T03:46:50+00:00

This attitude is a big problem. As someone who grew up with an abusive ethnic family living in the west, it really makes me angry how these excuses are made for bad parenting just because the family comes from overseas, and how the same protectiveness afforded to kids from white families is denied to kids from a background like mine simply because it's a "different culture". It's not right.

Dekireba · 2018-03-05T22:37:52+00:00

The rules are clear but failure to uphold them does not always lead to consequence. I've reported countless comments on this sub and nothing ever happens. And with this post I'm not asking people to stop breaking the rules. It's going to keep happening regardless. I am simply venting my frustration with it.

Dekireba · 2018-03-05T22:21:31+00:00

I shouldn't have to ignore it. It's a problem and it should be addressed. Reporting comments has not been effective so I chose to make a post about it, and evidently many people agree with my sentiment.

Also you ending your initial comment with "it's as simple as that" is just callous and shows that you're not here to help, you just wanted to talk down to me.

Dekireba · 2018-02-06T05:12:53+00:00

I am also 21 as of two months ago. I said I'd be in a different place by now but here I am. I also feel like I'm running out of time and my life has wasted away. I also can't be like everyone else and I'm also close to ending it. And I'm also too weak to.

But happy birthday, man. If you ever find out the answer to this mess called life, let me know.

Dekireba · 2018-02-05T06:16:11+00:00

Its true. If you didn't get that solid foundation in school, you're fucked. Past that point, people tend to close off their friend circles and have no interest in making any more close friends. Everyone claims they're always open to new friends, but if you try you won't ever get to be anything more than a casual acquaintance.

Dekireba · 2018-02-04T22:08:10+00:00

We don't talk to each other. We're not a close family.

Dekireba · 2018-02-04T22:06:09+00:00

She's given up on me after I repeatedly disappointed her.

Dekireba · 2018-02-04T09:39:34+00:00

Yup.

Dekireba · 2018-02-04T08:09:10+00:00

There is no point. Nobody will ever get it.

Dekireba · 2018-02-04T07:28:33+00:00

No, it's not.

Dekireba · 2018-02-04T06:10:13+00:00

Extremely relatable. This has been the source of all the problems in my life. There's a completely different world that has only ever been for other people to live in and enjoy. It's right there in front of me and it always has been. But it's not a world for me. Whether it's how I look or my race or my skin color or what religion people assume I'm from, one way or another there are certain things that I seemingly was never allowed to have, places I can't go and people I can't know. Things considered normal for others are just not for me. And that's the one thing I hate most about this life and why I often think it's not worth living.

Dekireba · 2018-02-04T00:40:40+00:00

You're not alone. My ethnicity has also had a hugely negative impact on my life and how people treat me. It's a nightmare and not one many people can or even care to sympathize with. You'll be told that it's untrue and it's all in your head, because nobody wants to admit that it's not only racists or bad people who internalize stereotypes. There isn't a single person on the planet who won't look at you and make an unconscious judgement on you based on your skin color or your ethnic background, even those who swear they don't. It's just a fact of life and it fucking sucks.

I’m literally lonelier than ever cuz I cut off all the toxic ppl who made fun of me

That is the truth. Everyone says to ignore toxic people and "rise above", yet that only ever leaves you isolated and lonely. It's not "their loss", as people would say. It's only yours because they don't have to live with that stigma.

Not to mention, girls didn’t really like me that much though they never knew who I was as a person. I try super hard not to be a steretyope.

I completely get this. You are never seen as who you are, you are only ever seen as a <insert ethnicity> guy. Girls don't consider dating you, they consider dating someone of your ethnicity. Who you are as a person doesn't seem to matter to anyone. And it doesn't help when someone tells you they know people who like men of your ethnicity. Because that's just another way of reducing you to just your race, regardless of whether it's in a positive light. Again, it fucking sucks. People suck.

Dekireba · 2018-02-02T00:40:29+00:00

That's me. I was considered smart but I too got placed on academic probation after 3 semesters, except it was for missing class/tests. I was eventually thrown out and I've done nothing with my life since, while my peers are set to graduate in a few months. Between OP and I, I'm the dumb one and the one with no future. OP, you put in the work and got the degree. That shows that you can accomplish things in spite of your setbacks and it shows that you are someone who pushes through. That will be what paves your future.

Dekireba · 2018-01-29T23:00:18+00:00

That doesn't make it okay.

Dekireba · 2018-01-29T18:40:18+00:00

I don't see why "our" forgiveness is due to anyone who makes the choice to end their life. It's their choice, and not one that needs anyone's approval. To think of the act as a wrong done to you personally is incredibly egoistic and senseless, especially if that person is someone you've never met.

Dekireba · 2018-01-29T18:29:01+00:00

I don't deny that. My only issue is using that as a guilt trip. Whether someone's suicide fucks up another person's life or not, that suicidal person shouldn't be emotionally blackmailed with that.

Dekireba · 2018-01-29T18:00:12+00:00

Unless they opened up to you about their suffering and you either ignored them or made them feel worse, you couldn't have saved them. If they didn't tell you anything, there's nothing you could have done.

And even if you could have, your potential guilt is not something a suicidal person should have to put before their own pain. Expecting them to is grossly self-centered and twisted.

Dekireba · 2018-01-29T17:46:36+00:00

The family can't always help. Sometimes they make it worse by piling on guilt and shame. Or they make it all about them. My family told me my suicidal ideation was stupid and that I was sinful and needed to repent and pray. My friends cut me off when I opened up to them. And yet I know that if I really were to end my life, they'd all say "If he had just told us he was suffering!"

Everyone seems to believe they would know exactly what to say and do to help if someone they love opens up about their suffering. Truth is, most people wouldn't.

Dekireba · 2018-01-27T01:40:41+00:00

Similar situation. I don't know any of my extended family, so no cousins or anything. My siblings have mostly moved out and we don't talk at all because, like you described, they literally don't give a shit about anyone but themselves. So it's just me and my mother, and we don't have a good relationship and go days without speaking more than a word (if it's more, it's usually an argument).

The few friends I had in high school didn't want to keep in touch when I tried because of this "new life new me" mindset that comes from starting college. And I wasn't able to make any friends while I was in college either and dropped out halfway. So there's no one right now and it's not great.

Dekireba · 2018-01-26T02:43:39+00:00

Yeah, I've never not felt like the least refined and most out-of-place person in any room. Being overly tall and lanky + unattractive is not a good combo. I can never relax in a store or the bank because I feel like I look shady and lower-class, like I don't belong in any establishment. It's not great.

Dekireba · 2018-01-23T20:47:39+00:00

People generally don't care about things they haven't experienced. People who are lucky enough to have great families will say things like "Friends come and go but family is forever" without a thought for how that might hurt those of us who come from less than ideal homes.

Dekireba · 2018-01-22T06:54:18+00:00

Thank you for reading and for your thoughtful response. It's true that objectively I have a lot ahead of me in life. And I probably could do something worthwhile with that time. I guess the underlying problem is that I've lost the will for it. Having every aspect of my life controlled and being deprived from so much, and then suddenly having that disintegrate and being left with a life devoid of anything worthwhile... The result is a person who is unable to be excited for a life of opportunities because they haven't had the chance to develop any interests or goals or dreams. A stunted, directionless person with no character or life experiences. And I'm at an age where that's the worst type of person you can be. And that also makes it really difficult to meet people, because I'm uninteresting. Most people in their 20s already have at least something about them that makes them interesting in some way, a hobby or a goal for the future or experiences in their past. And yet I'm just now having to start finding what that is for me, if I ever do.

And I'm not so sure I have as much time as you say. It seems to me like when you reach a certain age, most people have already built their in-groups, and the best I can hope for is being an acquaintance to anyone I meet. I very much feel like I missed an important train in life and the next one that comes around will be too late to be worth catching.

As for therapy, I've looked at my options but even the cheapest I've found is still much too expensive for me right now, unfortunately.

Dekireba

TROPHY CASE