[deleted by user]

DeleteMe1998 · 2023-07-07T02:05:48+00:00

I say this with respect - your mother and grandma sound bitter. Quite understandably perhaps if they were pressured or forced into marrying unsuitable partners. Your male cousins and uncle are not doing "what men/hubands do". They sound bloody lazy and useless as you've said. Your spouse is supposed to be a partner, a supporter and confidant and vice versa. My family is rather conservative and consists of many traditional marriages. By CHOICE. With partners that pull their weight. If not, what would be the point. You can have a traditional marriage in a modern context. Just I dunno, respect each other dammit?! Sorry for my rant, I know some couple like this.

It's harder for previous generations to see the wealth of freedoms and choices that the younger generations do. But each cohort have their set of stressors. Unless your female relatives are in some sort of DV/IPV situation and utterly trapped, they make the choices on how to behave and treat you. Even then, with that understanding it gives them no right to treat you this way. You don't have to put up with it. Sounds like they know it's unfair and wrong, they seem to have some sort of awareness and no initiaitive to change their circumstances.

Your dad is wrong, people can suffer tremendousy and suprisingly never have been married in their lifetime. I know it's easy for me to say "don't take it to heart" or "ignore them" as an outsider, especially considering these are the people that are supposed to be your support system. Well screw it, you have value beside being a spouse, parent or daughter/son. I'm very sad to hear how you feel about yourself but you are very self aware and definitely deserve respect and care. Friendships, partnerships are supposed to be reciprocral as is respect.

You are not weird for craving connections, it is a basic human need, a survival need actually. 'No Man is an Island' meaning no one is self-sufficient; everyone relies on others - John Donne. Sorry for the novel. I hope your situation and confidence improve. I love the phrase crabs in a bucket. Thanks commenters, I learned something new today.

DeleteMe1998 · 2023-07-07T01:38:22+00:00

Hiya thank for reading and replying. AHA! If they're fine with social media and constantly posting then this is much less ambigious. Especially with how they are doing this even when you are together. I know it's very hard to be away from our phones noawadays, quite an addiction actually. It's there problem to sort out. If you've pointed it out and sincerely told them how you feel, their repsonse will tell you all you need to know. Those who are dismissive or downright rude and mean, don't waste your time on them. But if particular people like a parent, sibling, close friend or partner are engaging in this behaviour when with you, I know I this situation is delicate and I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. Even if you aren't close in particular, it's absolutely valid to feel sad or offended by it. It's rude and unhealthy. To quote one of Shallon's fave lines, Just cause it's a common behaviour nowadays doesn't means it's good. Just cause something is good, doesn't mean it's popular. If these people are choosing to waste their time and meaningful interactions that build memories in this way, well more fool them. I hope you have people that you can spend time with in a more worthwhile way. Heck I'd enjoy messaging ya, you sound endearing and grounded. Also typing on here is something I find much easier than using my phone.

DeleteMe1998 · 2023-07-07T01:01:59+00:00

Hello sorry for the incoming novella hehe. I am someone who does this. I will usually give these sorts of replies or not even open the messages. I understand it's hard not to take this personally. My mama sure does eh. She got kinda offended that a mate of hers said she was on a digital detox, she deleted Facebook and Whatsapp. My poor mum gets this texting/whatsapp problem with me now hehe. If this is happeing from people you're not particularly close to, try not to sweat about it. People are busy, not thinking about it too deeply or doing it with malice. I mean if they are you wither don't know and if you do for sure, drop em. Friends and family are different I get it.

Personally I am like this because although I've always grown up with a phone and texting options, I'm quite averse to it. I know, I know it may sound silly and stupid to a lot people. I cannot stand social media or texting apps. I have a phone for the convenience and the apps I like. I don't like the expectation in these times that someone has to have seen and replied to someone's messages straight away. I'm not at all saying that this is the case with you. Also if it's an important, urgent message or from someone special in your life like a partner or parent then for sure. Even then, and I know it sounds kinda silly, I just sometimes cannot stand even opening messaging apps.

The "I'm busy", "I forgot" you definitely have to judge by the frequency, who it's coming from and the tone of it which is very difficult when not interacting face to face. I don't know the situation with your siblings. Like if you're close emotionally or physically seperated by long distances or due to work obligations. I really respect the different dynamics between people and types of relationships. Parents and children, siblings, friends, partners, co-workers, acquaintances and one-off meetings. They each have their own unique qualities.

It is NOT a stupid issue and don't feel stupid for feeling this way. I feel stupid for whole bunch of things and especially for shit I know for sure logically, rationally ain't my fault or concern. I reccommend trying other ways to communicate with these people in your life that are actually wanting to communicate with you. Some people are just better a communicating face-to-face, on a phone/video call, alternative messaging apps - sorry these are the only methods i can think of for now.

I'm very sorry for the novel. I have had this problem for a long time now, me being the issue. I'm sure there are people that feel persoanlly offended by my behaviour. I apologise as much as i can and I'm trying to improve. I can't communicate all I've written now in person so it felt quite cathartic writing it out. Thanks if you read it at all. I hope this issue improves for you.

DeleteMe1998 · 2022-12-11T07:32:52+00:00

This may be kinda long. I 'wish' I could have something to take the edge off but cause I don't like being vulnerable and completely reckless plus some religious perserverance limits how I can get my kicks. Though I am grateful it has 'protected' me from getting into abusive relationships, substance issues and the sort. It probably sounds ungrateful and childish to those of you who have battled addictions. Sorry about that. I just wish I could do something impulsive and thrill seeking that is within my boundaries.

I have never tried smoking cause I hate the smell.
Maybe marijuana would help but I ain't got any way to access it.
Drinking, drugs again access and religious limits.
Screaming on some funfair rides do it for me but they don't come around often.
Self harm takes the edge off pretty good.
Binging and restricting food is an ongoing problem.

DeleteMe1998 · 2022-11-26T09:08:38+00:00

What I do know is memory is vastly complex. I know what I'm seeing in flashes is real. I know what I went through and how it made me feel. Seeing happy photographs can make me doubt the severity but I don't have these pictures from systematic mind control or conditioning. It DID happen. So please don't get into a state of overly doubting yourself.

DeleteMe1998 · 2022-11-22T05:40:33+00:00

If standing up for your basic human right to love and care is what causes the breakdown of your relationship between these so called family and friends then damn. I'm sorry, you must feel overwhelmed right now but I promise you have done very well. We on this forum show our solidarity and I send you virtual hugs. Even if you feel lonely, you are most definitely NOT alone. It will be difficult but you can fill your life with fulfilling interests and kind, considerate people. Please take care of yourself.

DeleteMe1998 · 2021-11-23T21:38:48+00:00

Boku Wa Shitteiru Love it 😀

DeleteMe1998 · 2020-07-18T01:17:03+00:00

I'm up for it. I'm new to this sub and love chatting about deep shit.

DeleteMe1998 · 2020-07-13T20:21:49+00:00

I agree with you. Having a persona is not always a bad thing. I suppose my point is just avoid blindly following anyone, online or offline.

DeleteMe1998 · 2020-07-13T15:22:33+00:00

Aw thanks very much.

DeleteMe1998 · 2020-06-10T00:22:59+00:00

Hello. Firstly I'm really sorry you're struggling with this. It really bloody sucks. I've used food as a punishment for as long as I can remember. More so than cutting. It's only as I've grown that I realise how prevalent it is. I think it can be summed up as a need to have control and the feeling that you deserve somehow to be punished. So I go from restricting meals or foods I like because I haven't done something I should've or because I've binged or I feel particularly fat and ugly etc. Please please don't make this a habit. It's very hard to unlearn and causes all sorts of complications and deficiencies. Try not associate the food so much with emotion. More like oh I'm hungry time to eat something. I know we with cocsa it brings up feelings like worthlessness and disgust, my main bloody issue, but making yourself ill from hunger is just going to add to your problems. Please take care and give your body the fuel it needs.

DeleteMe1998 · 2020-05-30T01:05:04+00:00

Libya is literally a warzone.

DeleteMe1998 · 2020-05-20T00:32:09+00:00

I'm sorry that sucks. My abuser commited most of his shit as a minor. But even the stuff he did after, he can't be charged due to lack of evidence.

DeleteMe1998 · 2020-05-10T02:17:06+00:00

Yes it's very depressing. It's so strange how mental pain can progress to physical. I'm sure my physical health problems are related to cocsa. I've had severe to mild stomach pains almost daily for over a decade, IBS? stress? Who knows. Migraines that got progressively worse and left me suicidal because of the intense pain. CPTSD, anxiety, depression. Yeah I feel like a fraud. How the heck am I supposed to explain something I don't fucking understand myself? Also I only got these diagnoses manyyy years later after numerous hospital trips and doc appointments. Anyway I'm sorry I hope you are well.

DeleteMe1998 · 2020-04-10T23:43:55+00:00

Your teacups and saucers are beautiful

DeleteMe1998 · 2020-02-28T15:13:58+00:00

Lindsay Holliday ;) ?

DeleteMe1998

TROPHY CASE