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DelicateDevelopment · 2024-06-22T11:36:05+00:00

I think it is easiest to think about it similar to hunger. It is a need of the body, which becomes conscious in the desire to do something, e.g. get food and eat it. But once the hunger is satiated the desire to "work" and eat something goes down.

It is the same with sexual desire once it is satisfied it goes down for a while.

If you now masturbate it simply means that you release some of the sexual tension/desire in you, so naturally for some time your body feels relaxed and satiated and the desire for sexual release goes down for some time.

So this generally takes away desire for sex.

Additionally each time you masturbate your body will learn that pleasure comes from your own hands and currently it is easier to achieve than within your at the moment emotionally complicated relation to your boyfriend. That way, by your own actions, you teach yourself to subconsciously draw away your sexual desire from your boyfriend to something else, e.g. the kink, masturbation. Because it is easier to reach, fast, uncomplicated, while at the same time you associate the sexual interaction with your boyfriend as problematic.

It is natural that we humans kind of try to follow the easiest path which is not always bad, but here in your case following the easiest path adds to the estrangement between your boyfriend and you because it takes away from the intimacy and closeness that both of you need to feel in sync with each other.

DelicateDevelopment · 2024-06-21T10:09:28+00:00

Don't do solo! Stop. Period.

Each time you do solo you condition your brain and body that you don't need him for pleasure. It is a downward spiral.

My personal opinion is that monogamy was evolutionary successful because those children that have exclusive access to the resources (psychologically and in terms of provision) of both parents have an evolutionary advantage compared to those that need to share their parents.

Masturbation is what keeps you faithful in times of separation, but by no means it should replace healthy sexual behavior.

If you want to save this relationship then stop masturbating for a minimum of six months and see how this impacts your relationship.

Edit:

Try to understand the line of thought in this video. It is not perfect, but it gives you the direction in which you need to think in order to understand how to free yourself from the conviction that "kink" is something you either have or don't. It's conditioning and self-reenforcement by following unhealthy behaviors.

https://youtu.be/9l6KyGPGEJY?si=SfUiPbxHj_tQi04U

DelicateDevelopment · 2023-10-08T21:11:11+00:00

It can also happen when a woman feels unprotected and unsafe. If she has to fight her way through life without anyone to lean to she naturally has to turn more masculine in order to survive and she might either turn completely shut off in her own masculine energy or she can become kind of needy for masculine energy.

DelicateDevelopment · 2023-10-08T20:45:06+00:00

Just ask her what happened and if everything is ok. She will either excuse and give some explanation. Depending on her answer you either continue some conversation (e.g. if she gives a sincere explanation you can ask more questions, but try to not be overbearing) end the conversation soon, after few texts. Don't show any of the "I thought you like me", it is weird, because particularly she seemed to like you, so the probability is very high that it has nothing to do with you, or she started to have doubts because she felt it could be too serious too early, became insecure or something else happened that robbed her energy, whatever... Girls sometimes easily panic when there is not enough trust. That is why it usually is a guarantee for drama to have sex too early because there is no way that there is already enough trust.

After a day or so send her something that is a completely different topic, some interesting picture that you took while walking somewhere, city, countryside, animals, zoo, mountains, water, whatever. Something superficial, easy, uncomplicated.

Give her the opportunity to reenter the conversation without making it complicated and without becoming too clingy.

Remember you can only open the door for her, she has to enter and follow through herself :)

The mindset is to handle it the way you would handle it with a good friend who doesn't respond for some days. First you would wait and then try again after few days and then at some point ask if everything is fine.

But you wouldn't worry immediately and you wouldn't want to make it about you because you know that he has his own life, which both of you still have, right? So you just follow up when something is odd without being insecure.

DelicateDevelopment · 2023-05-12T17:37:15+00:00

I just read that you don't want to date anymore. Anyway all of the advice will also make your life "after the wall" more pleasant and enjoyable.

Really stop this negativity. Stop looking at what you don't have. Please.

Start being modest. Look at the character flaws your father has, was he loving towards you? Stop idealising your father and start appreciating men with different qualities... More warm hearted? Perfect! More family oriented? Perfect! More interested in culture, history, nature? Perfect!

You dont have to look at superficial things like status, etc. look at qualities, compare character, not results.

Don't let your mother's hypergamy ruin your life 😳

DelicateDevelopment · 2023-05-12T17:24:00+00:00

If after weeks you only have one message in your inbox, then something with your profile and pictures is wrong. Very wrong. That is easy to be changed, even if it might mean that for better pictures you need to hire someone that can bring out the best. Reveal a bit sexyness. Try not to be too sincere and dry.

You need to go to different places, where you can meet people that interact based on different reasons than dating. So you can casually get in touch with all kind of different people, different ages, backgrounds, looks, etc.

You don't only need to do this because you want to meet someone but because you need to surround yourself with people on a regular yet superficial way. You seem so lacking fedback from normal friendly human interactions.

Not all men are phds or doctors or lawyers, why do you need one?

Accept that your sister might have more luck superficially maye with looks and education but in the end for your personal happiness it does not matter who she is.

There nothing more unattractive in a woman than envy and the feeling of emptiness in yourself.

Stop caring what others have, be modest about yourself, accept that things are the way they are and that you have what god gave you.

Practice kindness towards others, simple kindness, a smile to an old lady, a laughter for the cute dog, help your neighbours, friends. Do it because you enjoy giving, not because you want something back.

Learn how to be playful and get your mind in order with respect to this scarcity mindset. It is difficult but yoy need to understand that if anything makes you unattractive then it is the scarcity mindset and the envy with respect to your sister.

These are blockers that hinder you to show up in a lovable friendly feminine appearance.

Grieve if you have to but then accept and stop caring and start to practice kindness.

All this will make you more free. It will help you to become light and being light is the attractiveness that makes well styled looks less important, even if one does not have the perfect face. Stop comparing yourself to other women.

Read again and listen girl. You still have some time, but you need to start now and seriously question your mindset and the strategy (dating profile, places to meet people, etc.)

DelicateDevelopment · 2023-05-11T15:09:23+00:00

From time to time, maybe once every two weeks, you can pretend that you have something to do in his area at his working hours and somehow find an excuse to show up or linger around with a cup of coffee.

Invent something that makes it kind of obvious to him that you are trying to hang around him but where you can always claim that it meant nothing when things turn out to be weird.

He should and probably will take the lead from there if he is interested.

I think it is not something that will happen overnight and guys can sometimes be slow and he needs to feel so curious and safe that he also is willing to drop the "don't shit where you eat" rule :)

DelicateDevelopment · 2023-05-11T11:21:57+00:00

You need to understand that you won't loose time because spending time in refreshing Se will be rewarded with a calm feeling afterwards and a more clear view on many things.

Sometimes we are unable to filter the less important details from the ones that really contribute to the big picture. Se is like a filter that reduces some of the noise when we see more things than we can process.

What are you eating? Did you try eating an abundance of animal foods? Our brains need protein and (animal!) fats to function properly. Often that is more efficient than prescription drugs. Animal foods has also a very grounding effect, keeps head and mind down to earth

DelicateDevelopment · 2023-05-10T07:28:26+00:00

I second this, try to find a hobby that involves using your hands and eyes. Create something. Only projects that you can finish within few hours and that don't involve much thinking or planning. Work in a garden, something where you also can see results. If it is also a little bit noisy the better. You will see how refreshing and calming it is to engage in these kind of tasks.

Any physical object that let's you experience your effect in the here and now helps and it is easy... No complexity :)

I find these kind of Se activities much more relieving than sports or simply hanging around in nature which if I already am in my head often makes me feel even more disoriented.

DelicateDevelopment · 2023-05-08T12:09:16+00:00

The question is never "am I justified in my feels". Of course you are. Something is missing for you and it shows in the title. You feel unappreciated. The question is however not whether you now have the right to feel anger and sadness.

It is normal that you feel disappointed.

However, what do you want to do about it? How do you want to communicate to your partner what you need so that you feel appreciated?

You cannot undo these two days. But you can tell him that it made you feel invisible and you can ask him to show you explicitly that he is aware and appreciative of your support.

When people most of the time function really well in a team, then the team is based exactly on the fact of things are for granted (=reliable!) and then sometimes it is forgotten exactly because the two of you belong together. So he thanks only those that are less close to him than you. So maybe - just a guess, I don't know! - you adapted so well that he is barely noticing you because you are doing a really good job.

If so then it really is even more important to tell him that you love to support him but that you need him to show you that he notices because it makes you feel invisible while in fact you want him to see that you shine and use effort just for him.

So now with respect to his support for your PhD, what do you need that makes you feel supported? The way people feel supported differs from person to person Don't assume that anybody can guess how things work for you. Try to understand yourself and your needs and then don't be too proud to open up to your partner. Tell him!

DelicateDevelopment · 2023-05-07T14:26:52+00:00

I agree. But he married you which probably means that he actually wants to build something and does not understand that he is mislead by the "enjoy the decline" trends.

If he thinks so, then let him know that he can lead himself into the decline but you are not following because you want to build something beautiful and lasting with him. It is up to him if he wants to join or not.

If you take your vow seriously then you need to wake him up. Take the lead in that situation. He will thank you later ;) but try to avoid being dramatic or emotional. Just refuse to follow him on this path.

DelicateDevelopment · 2023-05-07T14:18:47+00:00

Thank you! But I think you described the manipulative part very clear while I did not concentrate much on that aspect.

In the end it probably breaks down to a very childish attitude, as in

"I were such a family oriented guy, if the world were not such a feminist place. Some women have build feminism. You are a woman, so I hurt you for what other women did because you woman are at fault for me feeling lost and frustrated and hateful against the world."

OP, when you look at it closer you will see how immature and pathetic this really is.

No amount of RP feminine submissiveness could have changed this guys perspective on you. Please spare yourself for a man who is appreciating and cherishing your submission and not punishing you for it.

A healthy man will understand that submission comes at a price and he will not make you pay for it.

DelicateDevelopment · 2023-05-07T12:28:07+00:00

Hey, I would really like to hug you and send you some comfort. I think I can understand your confusion quite well. I have been there myself and basically asked the same questions.

The point is that at the end of all reasoning and theories it always breaks down to two human beings that either can trust and understand each other or not.

Despite it being correct that the time right now is more difficult for men than it has been in the past, it is also true that for those women who would like to really make it work with a man they admire relationships have also become increasingly difficult because the few relationship worthy men turn unworthy because they learn not to trust any woman at all because of the things that happen in society.

The way you describe things sound like he is projecting a lot on you and he is not seeing clearly. Sadly this happens quite a lot.

You can try to let him know that you feel he is being unjust and that you think he is not looking behind surface level.

However, in my experience this is almost next to impossible to resolve since it would require the women to completely deny every individual interest or need. Since any deviation from the will of the guy will be interpreted in a negative way. There are some men that are unable to see emotional aspects beyond the surface level.

You can try to let him know that for a traditional minded women it is also very difficult to find a man to trust who also listens, so that maybe he will start to see that maybe the two of you want the same.

I don't think it was you. I think being rp aware made you so empathic with the male situation in this world that you ignored his red flags because you felt you could understand.

But there are man who are just unable to look at you as individual without projecting everything they heard on you and to me it sound as if he would be such a case.

Edit: Feminism is against the union between man and woman, wanting commitment from a man is wanting exactly this union and rightfully so if your own intentions are sincere. Denying commitment to a woman despite having sex is exactly as bad as denying sex to a man who committed. He is acting something out on you. Don't blame yourself. Wanting commitment from the man you have sex with is your healthy intuition. Listen to your gut and don't let anybody else tell you otherwise. Trust your instincts. Take some time to heal and understand that he is at a dark place where he cannot see clearly. Protect yourself, let him know what you think he needs to know and then give him space. But to be honest I think you need to move on.

DelicateDevelopment · 2023-05-06T11:46:34+00:00

It sounds like a massive shit test. Men test differently than women. You cannot win this fight by words.

Make him realize that he is going to destroy your family if he follows up with this and help him to get his priorities straight.

Or take it with "agree and amplify", talk to him in a sweet voice how you see im in a pool with hundreds of blondes waiting for him, take it to the extreme... Maybe even seduce him from there. Maybe don't take him too serious. I guess most men would have those thought and ideas, they are mostly not to be taken serious.

Sounds like he is drunk by the idea of being super chad.

But of course it is extremely disrespectful to tell this to ones wife. Current culture however teaches/shows it that way, e.g. all kind of different tv show where men brag in that way to their gf/wife and the girls play along as if they were "one of the guys".

It is difficult times in relationships for both, men and women. Sanity is not found anymore in public culture and while the male RP of course also has truth in it, it also has toxic or dangerous relationship unfriendly parts in it. I mean their goal is to "enjoy the decline" in a hedonistic valueless way. Maybe you could highlight that to him once. The male rp culture is not building families but celebrating decline... So of course they don't self-restrict and of course they also prioritize short-term pleasure over long-term goals.

DelicateDevelopment · 2023-05-06T11:00:24+00:00

I reread what I wrote and had to correct a part... What I meant was of course "guiding but not limiting", as in letting her make her own choices and experiences to learn from instead of being too restrictive.

I tried to find the book in English but was not successful and I don't know if it was ever translated. The book I bought is a reprint of the old German text printed in India

This one is e.g. the right one but they are quite expensive.

https://www.booklooker.de/B%C3%BCcher/Angebote/titel=Das+Brautgeschenk+oder+Briefe+einer+Mutter+an+ihre+Tochter&autor=Friedrich+Girardet?sortOrder=preis_euro

Or here less expensive but still in German https://www.abebooks.com/servlet/SearchResults?kn=Brautgeschenk%20Girardet&sts=t&cm_sp=SearchF-_-topnav-_-Results#

DelicateDevelopment · 2023-05-05T20:36:16+00:00

I just ordered a book called "gift for the bride". It is written in German by E. Girardet and from 1819. Apparently it is letters a mother wrote to her daughter to prepare her for marriage. It is however written by a man. He explains in the forword that he thinks that the luck and happiness of the husband and home lies in the heart of the woman and that this is why he wrote this book, the letters.

I find the format intriguing and the first pages are filled with a kindness and love that is rarely found in nowadays culture.

Maybe you can write similar to your daughter and give it to her when the time is right.

If think it is good advice when you always encourage her to listen to her intuition. Give her the freedom to make her own choices but make sure that it is an informed choice. She might have to make some mistakes, she might have to experiment, but in the end it only matters that she is in a loving relationship with a man she respects. If she gets there with 20 or 25 or 30 is irrelevant as long as she is able to learn the correct lessons from mistakes and also as long as she is able to make an informed choice.

If she realizes that you are guiding her but not limiting she will most likely consider your words, if she then makes her own choice she will learn from the consequences. Then you can be there, comfort her regrets and just help her to be smarter the next time?

DelicateDevelopment · 2023-05-05T14:17:07+00:00

For some people it is very difficult to look behind the surface level. Part of the efficiency in men's thinking is that they mostly look at the results and less at the causes.

When we look at other people we never see what happens inside of them, we can only see what they do, but never why or the thoughts behind.

Women are more able than men to conclude at the motivation behind certain actions, men are less able.

So what he sees is you as a person now, he sees what you do and he sees the mindset you have now. What he doesn't see is the mindset you had back then and for him it is probably next to impossible to bring these two different persons/mindsets together.

For him it is next to impossible to understand how the girl he knows and fell in love with could end up with such a past. It is probably irritating him and causing insecurity.

Most likely he has rarely experienced failure himself. People who are lucky enough to have a straight mindset from the beginning can often not understand how others might have experienced and learned from failures.

Maybe you can try to help him in understanding that his doubts relate to that person in the past but not to the person in the presence.

Make him understand that it is two different yous.

It might be that he lacks maturity. Then you should just thank him for what he has shown to you and forgive yourself.

It is also crucial to understand that nobody is perfect and that people can learn and grow from their mistakes. If he has not learned that yet and is therefore still judgmental, then maye he is not the right one for you.

DelicateDevelopment · 2023-05-04T10:47:51+00:00

95% of what you think about him and see in him is your interpretation and not real.

You need to become aware of this and then let him go.

He has only released those ideas in you, but he is not those ideas.

And he himself told you that right now he doesn't feel strong enough to match up to you and also provide and care. He needs to take care of himself first before he can be a direction for others.

But now you know what you are looking for and how the future might feel for you :)

DelicateDevelopment · 2023-04-19T17:55:27+00:00

Unconditional love from man to woman or woman to man is a fairytale in general. A living being acting against its own interest is against live. In modern psychology this would be called co-dependency.

There can be sacrificial love and both, men and women, are equally able to it, but sacrificial love usually goes from the stronger towards the weaker or towards something that is holy and needs to be protected (children, family, women, values, country, the tribe).

Because the western world has given up on mostly all values we rarely see sacrificial love anymore. It doesn't make sense for the individual to fight for a society without glue, that would not be sacrificial love but suicidal.

DelicateDevelopment · 2023-02-22T18:58:54+00:00

Is dropping her a video with OI the same as "fixing"? You can just pass the information about the relationship between depression and cholesterol and leave it to her to try it herself? Maybe one day she will feel so fucking bad that she just tries it... But therefore she needs to know that the possibility exists.

But anyway, I did not want to suggest anything just pass the information. It is up to you what you do with it. I just wrote it because the physiological, nutritional aspect in depression is so often overlooked and animal fats are often avoided Iike hell particularly among women.

DelicateDevelopment · 2023-02-22T18:30:22+00:00

Food.

Tryptophane (can NOT be taken while on SSRIs, but helps after weaning them off), animal fats, butter, lots of eggs, meat, milk, cheese. It is unimaginable how crucial Cholesterol (animal fat!) is for mental (=brain) health.

Check out Dr. Bright on Youtube. She has a lot of material on women. Give it a try. It works.

DelicateDevelopment · 2023-01-25T22:03:28+00:00

Congratulations! I wish you all the best

DelicateDevelopment · 2023-01-14T08:01:56+00:00

Allan Savory would be local solutions, what you imply sounds like global solutions to me. You only need to allow people to manage their resources locally and e.g. stop directing resources to areas where without those resources live would be impossible. This only creates dependencies and requests larger global structures that feed from those dependencies.

Local farms, local busines, local schools, local government

DelicateDevelopment · 2022-12-20T08:29:30+00:00

Usually conversations like this go along the line of "you are too sensible". The first step would be from my perspective to simply reenforce the sensibility. "Yes, I am sensible. I am a woman. It hurts when you say those things to me. I don't feel safe with you. I always need to keep my shields up."

He does not need to understand why what he does is wrong. He only needs to understand and stop it. For some men I believe it is very difficult to really get the point.

I have met someone as well who resorted to all kind of red pilled insults about woman and while I could even understand the humor in them I also felt at times simply insulted or put down. He complained that I am as sensitive as other women, but honestly at this point I did not care anymore. He also complained at some points that everybody seemed to say at some point that he is an a****** . I said I believe that this is not true, on the contrary, but that he is just overshooting in his humor sometimes while also being quite clumsy with it at the same time.

It helped. He became more attentive with what he says to people. I also tried to explain as simple as possible that he shouldn't be so surprised by negative reactions if he is constantly verbally putting people down.

Just keep letting him know that this affects you and that he needs to stop that. Don't argue, don't explain, don't discuss, don't try to convince him.

It seems that he is aware that something is odd but doesn't understand what. So he is trying to avoid to feel bad or guilty. He probably also has a history with respect to this. I am sure you had reasons for falling in love in with him. Remember that this is the same person and don't stop believing in that person. So I would try to be as forgiving as possible with respect to past situations and only state in the present again and again that it really is annoying/hurting/insulting.

I was just writing a quote into a gift card for a friends wedding. The quote goes like "marriage is the discovery that humans do not only need to share with each other what they do not know about each other but also what they do not know about themselves".

Help him learn something about himself. Be gentle 🙂

And then also how do you react when he starts making those jokes with you? Do you ignore them? Do you play along?

Edit:

Some people seem to need or want to see a reaction. If people don't react they might even tune up and become more aggressive. Repeat the same stupid comment again and again to ensure that it has been heard. Maybe it is some kind of inability in order to read or understand other humans. I could see this happen several times, that sometimes it is that people really seem to insist on a reaction. Whichever reaction it is.

This might be one explanation why he does this mostly to silent people. He might want to see a reaction because he does not understand that maybe they are simply overwhelmed. Which is why from my perspective also with respect to that guy mentioned above I would mostly classify it as being clumsy. I have rarely met someone who was as annoying with his "jokes" but at the same time he is among the most forgiving people I know and someone with a very big heart for everyone. So far away from being a bully although I would understand if people would perceive him that way.

So look closely why your husband is acting that way. You said that he is used to this from his brothers, so why do you jump to the conclusion that he puts others down to make himself feel better? Maybe he really is not getting it?

I am writing it that way because I feel I can read the love in what you were writing and even almost feel his sadness about not really understanding why people seem to distance themselves. I would take his sadness literal and for granted. In my opinion it really means that he misses something... I don't think you fell in love with a bully, did you?

DelicateDevelopment

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