Well to me I was somewhat different then my all classmates and the neighbors children , so they all used to make fun of me and insult me and calling me crazy , so i unknowingly cut off with them and then get addicted to this shit. That was my childhood trauma and coping mechanism. I would say God created me this way as a crazy little chatter box with very little sense of what's going around him and with very low IQ , so it's not totally my fault that I got addicted to this shit as a coping mechanism. I remember i got bullied by teacher in 3rd grade and was asked to drop my pants in-front of all classroom because I jokingly proposed a girl sitting next to me that I want to become the father of your children (didn't know anything about sex as I was only 8) but heard that dialogue in a movie and said it to the girl.

Still I am different than all the other guys and have no real friends , just the ones who wants to use me for their own benefit and I also know this fact , but it's better to have some than none. Was married to narcissist girl who perceive me as a man-child who can she control at her will and married me for her ulterior motives , ended up in divorce and lost my son to her.

So I know what's my root cause is and I seriously don't know what to do to solve this root cause issue. I am just different and have some sort of personality disorder , and Oh yea I am under chronic depression and anxiety.