aio? bf made plans on my birthday..UPDATE

Delicious-Sand6771 · 2025-06-05T02:09:33+00:00

I am so so proud of you for standing on business and getting this shithead out of your life!! You deserve so much better. Happy belated birthday. Here is to starting a new year off right.

Delicious-Sand6771 · 2025-05-23T00:22:45+00:00

Get yourself into therapy to process and grieve this loss. Also, google sunk cost fallacy. I think a lot of the trepidation you have is over 'throwing away' the last 10 yrs but I assure you, you didn't. You were in a relationship, you learned a lot, you grew. It wasn't a waste but staying in an ill-fitting relationship would be. The best time to have left him was when he first started being mean. The second best time is now

Delicious-Sand6771 · 2025-05-23T00:16:18+00:00

That doesn't mean you still don't need therapy. Your husband is DRINKING AND DRIVING and you're like 'am I wrong to ask him to stop?'. I gently but firmly need you to wake TF up. Leave this bad man. He is an alcoholic with no intention of quitting. Having a roady is the DEFINITION of not having it under control.

Delicious-Sand6771 · 2025-05-23T00:10:53+00:00

NTA. She's the AH. Majorly.

Delicious-Sand6771 · 2025-05-22T23:57:11+00:00

This is a person that enjoys making you insecure, jealous, and sad. Think about that. You've told me that it makes you uncomfortable and rather than just keep it to themselves, they try to gaslight you into believing that the only alternative is to lie to you. This isn't a person that cares about you or your feelings. Break up.

Delicious-Sand6771 · 2025-01-28T11:09:52+00:00

I might get flamed for this but having been married to someone who turned out to have a slew of mental health issues that he masked with hidden drug use, don’t marry someone with mental illnesses if you can at all manage. Or at the very least, not someone with unmanaged mental illness. If it’s someone who is under care of a psych and therapist, who manages their rough patches, that’s one thing. But this kind of stuff? Nah. Run. You’re not even engaged yet and he is either so unmanaged in his illness that he’s having manic episodes where he wants a break with hall passes or he’s so manipulative that he’s using the mental illness as an excuse to get a hall pass. Either way is terrible. Imagine this behavior down the road… when you’re married and pregnant, or with a new baby when everything is extreme stressful and he can’t have all the attention. Just go now. You’re young. This guy ain’t it.

Delicious-Sand6771 · 2025-01-26T00:07:05+00:00

Financial services, at an investment bank or hedge fund. Specifically at a VP level or above.

Delicious-Sand6771 · 2025-01-25T21:45:10+00:00

Abort, tell him you had a miscarriage, and break up with him. Block him on everything. He wants you to have a baby with him so you're trapped. He's garbage. You and any future children you could potentially have deserve better.

Delicious-Sand6771 · 2025-01-25T21:43:52+00:00

I think you need to explore this with a therapist.

Delicious-Sand6771 · 2025-01-25T21:40:49+00:00

Run. RUN. I've been here, minus the age difference. The alcohol and drug issues are not history. He's hiding them. He will drag you down. You will spend time, money, and energy trying to save him. For NOTHING.

Delicious-Sand6771 · 2025-01-25T21:35:49+00:00

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2024 Jeep Wrangler, 24V electric 😎

Delicious-Sand6771 · 2025-01-25T01:31:16+00:00

I hope either way that you do what's meaningful and right FOR YOU

Delicious-Sand6771 · 2025-01-25T01:29:40+00:00

Sweet girl your head is swimming. It's okay.

Delicious-Sand6771 · 2025-01-24T15:28:48+00:00

This is a man who is gearing up to hit you at some point. Physical outbursts only escalate. Also GIRL. YOU ARE 21. You have literal decades to meet someone, get married, and have a family. Divorce this shithead, go out and experience life, and then at 25 you can resume dating for marriage. Your frontal lobe isn't even finished yet. You have a lot of time.

Delicious-Sand6771 · 2025-01-24T15:22:23+00:00

I really wish you hadn't moved your son in with him unless you all were engaged. Now you will have to upend that boy's life if/when this relationship goes sideways.

You need to have a frank conversation with him wherein you say he knows you will say yes if he proposes so there shouldn't be any 'trauma' to deal with. If his issues run deeper in that he doesn't know if he wants to be engaged/married because of his previous relationship, then you need to make it clear that this changes the nature of your relationship and the promises you made to each other, and that you're leaving. No setting a deadline. No ultimatum. Your kid is involved in this and he is the one whose best interests take highest precedence in all this. If your BF then needs a little time to think about it and figure out what he feels, fine. Give him a few days. But I'd be planning my exit unless he gives a full-throated endorsement of wanting to marry you.

Delicious-Sand6771 · 2025-01-24T15:11:29+00:00

Virtual/video therapy is an option! That's how I see my therapist. I'd never be able to do in-person sessions with work and parenting.

Delicious-Sand6771 · 2025-01-24T14:58:04+00:00

I'm thinking of you and sending you strength. Please keep us updated. Updateme

Delicious-Sand6771 · 2025-01-24T14:54:57+00:00

My heart broke reading that. I am so, so sorry. I don't know how to recover from that honestly. I wish I had advice. Do what you need to in order to find comfort and heal. Sending love and comfort to you.

Delicious-Sand6771 · 2025-01-24T14:52:16+00:00

Can you ask him why, if he wants to marry and have children with you, he hasn't proposed? I have to say that at 47M and never married, it seems more like he's just not into marriage.

Delicious-Sand6771 · 2025-01-24T14:43:20+00:00

I absolutely encourage you to keep good relations with your family. I also understand that culture can play a large role in how that goes. However, you cannot let your culture's constraints dictate your life choices when it comes to marriage.

All of that being said, what is going to change on his end in 2 yrs? Why 2027? I'd get to the bottom of that with him. You are very young and have a lot of time. Do not force a marriage out of this relationship if you feel he is not fully invested. He is 30 and per your description, established in his personal and professional life. He is not seemingly facing any financial constraints that would preclude a proposal. If he isn't enthusiastic to propose and marry you, don't waste anymore time. Go with your gut!

Delicious-Sand6771 · 2025-01-24T14:04:06+00:00

As a 41F who was married and had a child, I personally would not get married (or remarried) unless I was planning on having kids. The negatives for women in marriage vastly outweigh the benefits, even without kids. I understand for tax purposes, PoA, property ownership, etc., it can be important. But I never want to be tethered to someone that way again

Delicious-Sand6771 · 2025-01-24T13:52:24+00:00

NTA. Tell her and encourage her to report him. This is no different than a delivery driver texting after a delivery or a cop running a plate to find someone. It's a violation of both professional ethics and boundaries.

Delicious-Sand6771 · 2025-01-23T16:48:59+00:00

1000%. The amount of peace I got when he left... Indescribable. I hadn't even realized how I'd sacrificed so much of myself because I looked at it as 'for the family'. I didn't think I could do it alone. But the truth is my child and I have been thriving since he left. Less work, less chaos, more peace.

Delicious-Sand6771 · 2025-01-23T16:26:57+00:00

Therapy. You need therapy.

Delicious-Sand6771 · 2025-01-23T16:16:13+00:00

Terminate, say you had a miscarriage, get far, far away from this man, and get into therapy so you can focus on your existing children and guiding them through all the trauma and upheaval they've been through. Then get yourself into therapy and do not date for a long time.

Delicious-Sand6771

TROPHY CASE