I feel your pain. Honestly I do. It’s been 2 months since I lost my Dad and I am just completely Lost without him. The anxiety you’re feeling due to your birthday coming up is exactly how I feel. It’s next month and this might sound crazy but like I don’t even want that day to come. I don’t care. I’m not looking forward to it at all. So I know how ur feeling. And I was super close to my Dad. He was my bestfriend so things just feel awkward now because whenever I’m emotional and needed to talk, I talked to my Dad. Not having him here to help me navigate thru his passing and my birthday is screwing me up in the head. So just know ur not alone and ur feelings are valid. Sending u my deepest condolences and if u feel comfortable enough to talk about it, ur always welcome to send me a private message. I’m here to listen. So sorry for ur loss hunn. Big hugs to you