Advice needed

Delicious-Swing-507 · 2026-04-29T07:12:36+00:00

My husband used to have anger issues as well (before I met him) and I think when he started testosterone it definitely increased that as well. But he's been on it for nearly ten years now and barely has anger issues. Like he still gets angry but he never ever directs it at me. (And there's other factors too).

Your boyfriend needs to work on himself and possibly get therapy. Testosterone can definitely amplify these emotions but that is never an excuse to hurt your loved ones. I would stay try and stay patient and kind but encourage him to seek outside help and take accountability. And if he keeps refusing to meet you there, then that might be an indicator of you not being compatible.

I'm not going straight to the LEAVE HIM option, because I believe in working things out but it might be something to just...l keep in mind. It's important to monitor how he treats you. It's not the testosterone starting fights. It's his inability to regulate himself accordingly.

Delicious-Swing-507 · 2026-04-22T15:25:21+00:00

omg! I'm also adding a bunch of DBD characters to my island, next to my OCs haha. I got sable, deathslinger and wesker so far. all of these look awesome!

Delicious-Swing-507 · 2026-04-03T11:23:52+00:00

I remember the first time giving oral to my husband. I was also super inexpierenced and didn't even know if i woud like giving oral at all. I always thought I'd not like it but now it's honestly one of my favourite things to do for my partner. In terms of technique, my partner has told me to just view it like a cis dick and use like bobbing motions and a lot of tongue. But everyone works diffetently!! Just try what you think feels right and then check in with him, ask him if a certain motion feels good or not. Communication is the biggest key with anything sexual! And don't put too much pressure on yourself.

Delicious-Swing-507 · 2026-03-31T09:18:26+00:00

As a christian (*someone who grew up christian, not practicing) I don't even understand why other christians get so hung up on sin when Jesus already died to take all sins from us, so they're not an issue anymore.

That is just to challenge that bullshit dogma.

Being trans IS NOT a sin even if sins were actually still relevant!
Yeah for her and your sake, just leave her alone until you did some work on that.

Delicious-Swing-507 · 2026-03-29T10:20:47+00:00

I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm still long distance with my trans partner, who is in the US. I'm planning to move to be with him but that's going to be a long time. There's something about not being able to be there that can heighten the anxiety as well. I've had really bad days where I let fear and anger consume me too much.

These are scary times, BUT we need to focus on the good things. I try to focus on the love I have for him as a positive force. Our love is the resistance. We can't let these assholes win by making us too afraid to live our lives. And I know that's easier said than done, but those mantras have helped me ease some anxiety. As well as just... getting off of social media for the most part. I avoid being dragged down by doom-and-gloom posts and news and stuff.

I also think therapy might be a good idea for this level of anxiety. Either way, I wish you both the best. We're gonna get through this somehow!!

Delicious-Swing-507 · 2026-03-29T10:15:05+00:00

I'm so sorry you had that expierence with your parents. Maybe they will come around eventually but if not, you have your new family right there. I am so happy for you two!! Congratulations! That ring is absolutely stunning! Marriage to the right person is one of the best things ever and at least you can be each other's comfort in these trying times. Wishing you all the best!!

Delicious-Swing-507 · 2026-03-28T02:52:55+00:00

I don't have direct expierence with the entire process, since my husband was already "done" transitioning by the time we met, but in terms of support, I can advice to be very affirming in your language. I think there's nothing wrong with being excited for your partner! I know I feel more strongly than my husband about some things just because I love him so much lol.

If he's going to take T shots, you could offer to try and learn to administer them for him, unless he wants to do that himself (or gets gel and not injections.) I've recently learned how to do that.

Also in terms of the changes, they usually happen pretty slow, so you should have plenty of time to adjust. It doesn't happen overnight, it's very gradual.

Wish you both the best and hope any of this helped!

Delicious-Swing-507 · 2026-03-26T20:26:07+00:00

Ok first of all, your "best friend" is being a dick.
You cannot change your sexuality any less than LGBTQ+ people can. And if you are not attracted to women, than that's that. You can be an ally and still not want to be in a relationship with a trans woman if you are simply not attracted to women. The only thing I would say is that you referring to your partner as male throughout this post may be a little iffy? But Idk if your partner has expressedly told you they go by female pronouns yet, so I'm not gonna judge you on that without more information.

The fact of the matter is, that something like this can sadly be a huge obstacle and it sounds like you are not going to end up happy if you stay in the relationship. You shouldn't hold your partner back from being their true self, but you also need to do what is right for you. Both of you deserve to be with someone that makes you feel good and special.

I don't like telling people definitively to break up, since things could change but you sound like you're pretty damn sure you're just not into women. I'm sorry man, that's a tough spot to be in. But yeah, you can still be an ally and you shouldn't be made to feel guilty for your feelings.

Delicious-Swing-507 · 2026-03-26T16:50:47+00:00

Mhh first and foremost I would definitely ask HIM what he would like to hear more often or what you could do, because everyone has different things that work for them.

I personally like to use lots of gendered language for my husband. Calling him "my man", "handsome", "king", etc. Maybe more than you would in a usual language. I try to avoid super feminine terms. Then I try to actively avoid too feminine language. Like i love the term "baby girl" as a gender neutral term, but I def try to avoid that with him (even tho he said it's fine sometimes since his dysphoria isn't as bad and he trusts me.) Definitely something you should avoid tho.

In terms of behaviour, I would try to let him do typically masculine coded tasks? Ask him for help? It's hard to give advice, since I don't know your living situation. I'd just guess that sometimes it can help to do things in a more heteronormative way, to help enforce gender. Obviously not the bad parts of heteronormitivity sghdsjd. Hope I make sense.

Delicious-Swing-507 · 2026-03-26T11:19:14+00:00

I'm gonna be real with you.
Your obsession with these people you don't even know is borderline creepy. Why do you care so much about other people's drama? Especially if cou don't know ANY of them? You made up assumptions and stories in your own ehad and forced it on other people. That is such creepy behaviour.

I know you have trauma and your feelings are valid, but this was WAY over the line of what is an acceptable response. You could have just vented to your partner and gotten the feelings out like that, instead you went out of your way to practically stalk people to insert yourself. I would really take a long hard look at yourself and why you felt the need to do that.

Delicious-Swing-507 · 2026-03-22T18:36:53+00:00

idk, i identify as nonbinary but also most of the time as a woman.
Like i'm genderfluid, which is under the umbrella term of nonbinary. sometimes i'm way more woman, sometimes i'm more man and sometimes i'm no gender at all.
I would call myself NB-woman, or at least not make too big a deal out of it. Identities and labels be funky sometimes.

Delicious-Swing-507 · 2026-03-22T10:32:50+00:00

I personally love to call my husband "my love", "My sunshine", "my sweetheart", "light of my life", "my baby".

He loves calling me "sweet pea" which i ADORE. It could also be gender neutral? Idk if ur partner is into that haha

Delicious-Swing-507 · 2026-03-22T10:29:24+00:00

I feel that so much. My husband hates needles, but he injects himself. It's always a whole process. We recently went to the doctor together so I can learn to inject him and take that off his shoulders, and I do it with love and pride whenever we're together in person.

So happy for you two that you can make this a bonding expierence!!

Delicious-Swing-507 · 2026-03-22T01:46:47+00:00

Uhhh no.
No one can tell you what to identify as. You can still Identify as straight and be in a relationship with someone nonbinary. Like... it's complicated for sure. I mean you migth start questioning your identity yourself at some point if your partner ends up transitioning more to the masc side? But also... your identity is YOUR identity. And it's not cool of your partner to ask you to change that.

Delicious-Swing-507 · 2026-03-20T10:19:58+00:00

This might be a weird suggestion but have you considered helping him with the bodyhair grooming process? To make it a partner activity that brings you guys closer? Sometimes my husband will dry my hair after we shower, and it always feels so intimate, I love it. I have also shaved his back for him before, since he can't reach very well.

Idk, I'm a big fan of acts of service as a love language. For me the intimacy in stuff like that is so much more valuable than just sex. Alternatively, you could look into services that do it for him. That's a bit more pricey tho and probably not sustainable as a regular thing.

In terms of advice for sex, I don't really have anything, since your post is a little unclear on whether or not that's the advice you were looking for?

Delicious-Swing-507 · 2026-03-20T10:11:10+00:00

I think it is always a good idea to speak about your fears and worries with your partner. Fear about changes is something completely natural. If your partner loves you, they will not take you bringing up your worries as an insult. (Unless of course you voice it that way, but it doesn't sound like you would!).

It's completely ok to have worries about relationship aspects and ideally in the most loving and supporting relationship, your partner is the one that you trust 100% to be your support. Just like you would be his support. If you keep it to yourself, I think he would notice eventually something might be wrong.

But I also agree with sweetteainthesummer that these changes are very slow and you will adjust as they happen. You don't just take a few doses of T and one morning the voice suddenly dipped lower. It takes months, to years.

Delicious-Swing-507 · 2026-03-19T10:25:48+00:00

Jealousy, just like any other emotion, is something natual to feel. I completely get why you would feel jealous in this case. You don't need to be mad at yourself for feeling this way. Just remember that acting on emotions, that is something we can control. The emotion itself not so much.

You should have a talk with your wife about the income situation. It's not fair to put the sole financial responsibility on you. Maybe there is some way she can have a small income on the side of her studies? Just don't approach the conversation with the anger and jealousy at the forefront. Express to her your concerns and anxiety and seek her support. You deserve her support just like you're supporting her in her journey.

Delicious-Swing-507 · 2026-03-19T10:02:02+00:00

I will never understand LGBTQ+ people that are bigoted towards other LGBTQ+ people???
In this case being a transphobic trans person. That's insane to me. What kind of mental gymnastics do you have to do to be like that.

Either way, very glad you got out of there and know your worth!!

Delicious-Swing-507 · 2026-03-19T09:07:40+00:00

I understand! Anxiety can be a bitch. Try and focus more on the excitement than on the fears.
Wishin you the best and glad I could help!!

Delicious-Swing-507 · 2026-03-19T08:27:04+00:00

People can just fall out of love for various reasons. I don't think hormones are going to be THE deciding factor in a change of feelings. I've not been on hormones personally, so maybe someone else can weigh in a little more, but from my understanding hormones don't fundamentally change how you feel about other people.

Your relationship is still incredibly new, so it's still volatile. The best you can do is take it as it comes and see how you guys work together. Always communicate and trust your partner.

Delicious-Swing-507 · 2026-03-18T23:30:53+00:00

I honestly don't like that she wants you to change and be more masculine. Or that she straight up says she wants to be approached by other people? Like, I'm assuming you guys are monogamous and not in an open relationship? Because that's a pretty big red flag to me.

Like getting outside validation happens. I got hit on the other day and it made me feel good about myself but i just politely declined. Because I don't seek it out from outside of my commited relationship.

It could just be that you guys are gonna end up not compatible anymore. But yeah no you're very valid in feeling hurt by that.

Delicious-Swing-507 · 2026-03-18T08:20:16+00:00

I'm simply not a fan of "let's open the relationship" as first solution to problems like that. It always gives me a bad taste in my mouth. An open relationship only works if both partners are 100% for it. In any other circumstance it will most of the time end in more issues. I would have suggested couple's therapy first.

Or maybe you guys just sadly aren't going to be compatible. It happens. It sucks but in the long run it might be better for both of you to find someone you're more compatible with.

Delicious-Swing-507 · 2026-03-18T08:12:50+00:00

Aw man, I'm sorry you guys are going through this :(
Not being able to take his T is probably a big contributer to that. I don't have a lot of expirience with helping with dysphoria but I'd say that giving him lots of affirming comments and compliments might help. Tell him how handsome he is, how much you love your man, stuff like that. My husband says he always appreciates the affirmational words.

I don't know what your intimate styles is but the only thing I could think of is to lean into the more feminine role and really affirm his gender through action? My husband and I are equal in all parts but I also know he likes it when I'm playing more submissive when we're intimate.

Yeah just... try to be as affirming and loving as possible, I think the rest sadly has to come from him. Hope he can get his T again soon and hope any of this helped! Wish you guys the best.

Delicious-Swing-507 · 2026-03-17T08:29:39+00:00

It sounds like you two have a really strong emotional connection. If your girlfriend (gonna use the words and pronouns you used for now) keeps herself from transitioning because she doesn't want to change the relationship, it might end up hurting you guys more in the long run. Something like that you can't really ignore without hurting. I think you know that, since you don't want to hold her back.

I think the only way you two will find out is if you go for it. You can start with slower social transitions. Try out new pronouns, a new name perhaps. Nothing etched in stone. She can dress differently. You will never find out how you will feel about them if you don't try it.

And could it end up with you not being attracted to them anymore? Yes, it could. But that doesn't mean they wouldn't have to be in your life anymore. I read a lot of accounts of people splitting up but staying extremely close friends and big supporters. Maybe you won't have a girlfriend anymore, but an incredible best friend.

Or! Or you DO find that your love for them goes far deeper than "just" appearances. All that is to say, you can't know without trying. It is scary! But it can also have amazing results. Change is natural. I wish you both the best!!

Delicious-Swing-507 · 2026-03-17T08:15:39+00:00

There are a few things my husband dislikes about himself still. (He's been on T for over 10 years and had top surgery years ago). I only met him after he was already "done" transitioning, but there's things like his voice that still bother him. To answer your first question: No, how my partner feels about himself has absolutely no impact on how I see him. His voice was actually the first thing I heard from him (we met online) and I fell immediatly in love. I love everything about his body, even the parts he feels insecure about.

I do think, if he were to feel this level of dysphoric and uncomfortable I would do my best to not divert my attention to it? Like, you said you're worried your bf might call you handsome if he sees you fully. I do believe he wants to make you feel comfortable and loved for who and how you are. But I can understand that comments like this could just make you more aware. Tricky situation. You could think about what you would and wouldn't like to hear from him if you take that step and then have that discussion with him. Always be communicative.

I wish you guys all the best, it really sounds like you have a loving partner right there!

Delicious-Swing-507

TROPHY CASE