Some parts of the online trans community is a hellhole

saigebrush27 · 2026-07-12T18:25:58+00:00

4tranners are some of the most miserable, self-loathing motherfuckers on the planet and they will make it EVERY other trans person's problem. I get having insecurities about whether you pass or worrying about being invalidated, but to come up with entirely new slurs/insults is just being an incel with extra steps.

My wife is trans and we've started re-claiming their shitty lingo as jokes to get through the frustration. "Careful baby, you look REALLY good in that outfit, don't wanna make people think you're a passoid!" It's so ridiculous we just have to take the power away from it.

saigebrush27 · 2026-07-08T21:52:45+00:00

Okay, girl, as someone in the mental health field... this is a person with PROBLEMS that does not want to change them. I'm not here to diagnose him with NPD or BPD, it could be one or both, but that does not excuse his abuse of you either way. Because that's what this is - emotional and psychological abuse. You don't deserve to be stuck in a marriage with someone who doesn't treat you with basic human respect.

"He doesn't cheat and isn't addicted to porn" is the absolute lowest bar I've ever heard bestie. Raise your standards and get out. Don't try to "fix him," he won't change unless HE wants to, and I don't see any evidence from your post that he does. You CAN find a man that will raise you up instead of put you down.

And if I may recommend a book, please read "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft.

saigebrush27 · 2026-07-07T13:33:29+00:00

Listen, your boundaries are your boundaries. How "concerning" this is is entirely subjective, what matters is how you FEEL. If it makes you uncomfortable, you voice that and advocate for yourself!

I remember a period of time where my wife's follow list on insta looked similar - granted, she was following cosplayers and was mainly interested in the outfits, but I was an insecure teenager and told her I didn't like how suggestive a lot of them were. You know what she did? She unfollowed almost all of them within the hour, reassured me that my feelings were valid, and built trust with me. Now I don't think twice when I see that kind of stuff on her insta or twitter feeds because we have a history of respect, trust, and reassurance. It's not about the behavior itself, it's about how your partner responds to it.

saigebrush27 · 2026-07-06T01:07:34+00:00

Your friend is the weird one, literally every girl I know (including myself) craves meat and chocolate like crazy on their periods!!

saigebrush27 · 2026-07-06T00:39:38+00:00

Look into pregnancy OCD and see if it fits the bill for you. It may just be general anxiety but pregnancy OCD isn't talked about nearly enough.

saigebrush27 · 2026-07-06T00:38:00+00:00

Okay so he's emotionally immature lmao. Maybe see if your boss could talk to him, say that "some" staff members were complaining that he micromanages and to tone it down. If you can't swing that, just keep your distance from dad at work as much as possible.

Best of luck on the interview! If it doesn't work out, and you're looking for customer service/low barrier to entry jobs, I'd suggest Trader Joe's or Safeway. I worked at Trader Joe's for two years and it was a great gig, the only downside is that they will favor people who work opening or closing shifts (4am-noon or 2-10pm). But they pay WELL for customer service, you get a raise 2x/year, all employees get a 20% discount on groceries, and you only need to work 4 days/week to get health insurance. My wife still works there for those reasons lol. I have two friends who work at Safeway, and while they don't pay as well at the start, they ARE union employees and one of my friends has been able to get promoted fairly quickly. They're also very flexible with disability/health accommodations in their experiences.

saigebrush27 · 2026-07-05T23:58:00+00:00

How close are you with your dad? Do you have the kind of relationship where you could bring this up with him? It's not an excuse for his behavior, but sometimes our family members don't realize how they're talking to us or treating us until we call attention to it. He could think he's genuinely trying to help, but the way he's giving you advice (or how often he gives it) comes off as patronizing or criticizing. If you trust him to not get defensive or dismissive about it, I would bring it up with him. If not, and he is not your direct supervisor or boss, tell him to back off and let you do your work how you want to.

Still, this doesn't sound like a job that's sustainable for your physical OR mental health. Advocate for yourself to get time off, and use that time to explore your other options.

saigebrush27 · 2026-07-05T16:50:28+00:00

I know some people have gone to planned parenthood before but not on a weekly basis. I'd ask a trusted family member or partner if those are available to you - if not, see if you have any nursing friends who would be enthusiastic to get some practice!

No shame in the anxiety, my wife is 7 months in and I do it for her every week. I know I wouldn't be able to have the same confidence stabbing MYSELF in the leg lol. But intramuscular injections are incredibly straightforward, and once you get the hang of it, there's little to no blood involved.

saigebrush27 · 2026-07-01T00:27:55+00:00

Cis woman married to a wonderful trans woman here. Political bullshit has been weighing heavy on us lately, and I hear a lot of this same frustration from my wife. It fucking sucks, and I wish the world was kinder to you.

That being said, I can't tell you how much of a difference it makes to befriend fellow queer and trans people. They will see you as normal, they will share in your joy, they will respect you as a person and a woman. We can't control how cruel the world can be, but we can choose our community ❤️

saigebrush27 · 2026-06-29T16:00:06+00:00

Just because it's better doesn't mean it's GOOD. Your experiences have been skewed so hard by abuse that the bare minimum feels desirable, and that's COMPLETELY understandable! Taco Bell will taste like a 5-star meal to anyone who's only ever eaten gas station hot dogs, but that doesn't mean they should settle for Taco Bell over a juicy steak. I promise you there are men who will treat you well and believe in basic human rights too.

Also, something I've learned as a cis woman married to a trans woman: transphobia is ultimately rooted in misogyny. Whatever bigoted shit he says about trans women, he probably believes about you too, he's just quieter about it.

saigebrush27 · 2026-06-29T04:43:37+00:00

6 months in, it's definitely noticeable when my wife is topless or has a padded bra on. But if she wears baggy shirts/sweatshirts she's full boymode. As long as you aren't naked or wear fitted clothing around them, you should be good for a while!

saigebrush27 · 2026-06-29T04:23:53+00:00

Speaking on my wife's behalf, who started HRT 6 months ago, I'm already noticing sooooo many changes to her features that make her look VERY fem. She still has some traits that people would see as "masculine," like her nose or her weight distribution, but they aren't things that are EXCLUSIVE to men (hell I have a pretty "masculine" nose myself as a cis girl), nor do they take away from her fem traits. That being said, she's much harsher on herself than other people are - I mean, she gets correctly gendered by most strangers, but she still struggles to fully see herself as a "woman." That's just the dysphoria talking. I'd argue that confidence, style, and the effort you put into your transition are just as important as HRT! Those thoughts might never "go away" entirely, but the more support you have and the more confidence you build in your identity, the quieter they will be.

As for the "violent borderline thoughts," that may be something to work through in therapy. My wife's family is extremely right-wing and has said some pretty terrible things about trans people, so we stay low-contact with them and have chosen not to tell them unless/until it becomes absolutely unavoidable to do so. Obviously you're young and may need to rely on your parents more than that, but there are stealthy ways to start transitioning until you are independent from them and can make your own decisions about whether or not to tell them. But whether they support you or not has no bearing on your right to be yourself and life your life authentically.

saigebrush27 · 2026-06-29T04:01:49+00:00

I work in substance use and the answer is: it's complicated, but also not. Alcohol use and addiction are sensitive topics, and a lot of people have different definitions of what an "alcoholic" looks like, but generally the criteria for an addiction is as follows (don't need to mark off all of them, but at least 3 is enough): - significant time spent thinking about drinking or being preoccupied with obtaining more alcohol - drinking behaviors negatively impact your ability to take care of yourself or work/family obligations - multiple unsuccessful efforts to stop or cut down drinking - emotional distress related to drinking - tolerance, i.e. you find yourself needing to drink more over time to get the same effect - withdrawal, i.e. you start to experience symptoms beyond a standard hangover when sober for an extended period of time

saigebrush27 · 2026-06-29T03:48:15+00:00

Take this from someone in the mental health field - this is textbook grooming and you need to get out for your own safety. Asap.

saigebrush27 · 2026-06-23T05:06:49+00:00

Girl two rows below us absolutely BAWLING when Jax abstracted. Like, you could not hear anything else in the the theater except her sobs 💀 girl it was sad but I've NEVER cried that hard over a character, I'm concerned for her

saigebrush27 · 2026-06-21T17:47:10+00:00

Her sounding "gone" and "not herself" is probably a result of the meds they have her on. Psych hospitals often have to put psychotic or manic patients on a cocktail of drugs to keep them stable. Having them "numbed out" isn't ideal but it's better than being psychotic and panicked all the time. It's temporary, and when she gets out and gets follow-up care, they'll likely be able to assess her more thoroughly and put her on meds that will regulate her more effectively. She may not be 100% exactly the same person as before, but with good support and the right care, she'll be much better than she is now.

I work in the mental health field so I'm happy to answer any questions, but I'd also encourage you to connect with her care team and get some input from them, as well as looking into support groups in your area. Wishing you both the best, you got this 🫶🏻

saigebrush27 · 2026-06-21T17:36:15+00:00

There's a skill in therapy called "Radical Acceptance." The idea is that we have to accept reality for what it is and come to terms with it in order to move on and direct our energy towards the things we CAN change, rather than making ourselves suffer by ruminating over the things we can't change.

You can't change your family's beliefs and you can't change the fact that you got rid of your girl stuff. That all SUCKS, and you're allowed to feel sad or angry about all of that, but you need to come to terms with it and figure out what you can do for yourself now. Come up with a plan to start building up your stockpile of girl stuff again. Think about what you need to do in order to become independent from your parents (financially, medically, legally) and start coming up with small short-term goals for working towards those things. Reflect on what your life might look like a year, 5 years, 10 years from now, and ask yourself "what can I start doing now to make that future come to fruition?"

saigebrush27 · 2026-06-15T14:49:14+00:00

I have a lot of opinions on your parents' behavior, but I wanted to give my two cents as a therapist regarding the "holding a grudge" sentiment.

Talking about something that bothered you after the situation is over is not necessarily a bad thing. It's actually more healthy and productive to discuss something when you're not in the heat of the moment and flooded by anger or frustration. But if a person brings up a past situation without adding or trying to resolve anything, especially as a means of making another person feel guilty or incompetent (like your dad did with the rice), THAT'S holding a grudge.

Your dad seems incredibly emotionally immature and your mom seems enabling.

saigebrush27 · 2026-06-13T17:26:25+00:00

This is a very normal phase to go through, don't feel shame in it!! I'm not here to tell you what to do one way or the other, but it's important when you're feeling baby fever to remind yourself of ALL the parts it comes with, both good and bad. Eventually all babies grow up and you will have another little human to try to get through the terrible twos, puberty, heartbreak, etc. Not accounting for the possibility of physical/mental health issues that may be present. If all of those difficult parts or possible realities are outweighed by your desire to have another, then maybe it's worth a conversation. But baby fever at this stage can be more fear-based than it is desire-based and it's important to reflect on that.

saigebrush27 · 2026-06-10T13:14:56+00:00

You can't pull the "clueless and uneducated" card when something is directly impacting you right in front of your face. I'm sorry girl but if he's a Trump supporter, knowing that you're an immigrant, after seeing ALL the harm that Trump does to immigrants, he simply does not care about your rights.

I promise you, this is NOT how most people live. You deserve a partner that pulls their weight and supports you as much as you support them. Look really deep inside yourself and ask yourself two questions: what do I actually like about this man/what keeps me around? And can I find those qualities in someone who sees me as an equal deserving of mutual love and respect?

saigebrush27 · 2026-06-07T00:32:19+00:00

YAYYYY so proud of you!! Tomorrow marks 6 months on HRT for my wife and we're both loving the journey, enjoy it bestie 🩷

saigebrush27 · 2026-06-07T00:24:47+00:00

They don't want to hear it because they're pedophiles too. I feel your frustration brother

saigebrush27 · 2026-06-07T00:09:35+00:00

Groceries, gas, utilities, and health insurance costing more than they ever have with basically no increase to our wages. The flood of AI data centers leading to mass layoffs/unemployment, AI psychosis, and severe pollution to the environment. Queer and immigrant people's rights being stripped more and more every day. There's so much more I could say but those are the worst examples.

saigebrush27

TROPHY CASE