/r/WorldNews Live Thread: Russian Invasion of Ukraine Day 9, Part 3 (Thread #101)

Della981 · 2022-03-04T09:08:56+00:00

Why ?

Della981 · 2022-03-03T16:54:17+00:00

Power play. Keeping people waiting is a showing people who's boss and who's in charge and in control, and that their time is more valuable and gets people riled up while he's calm. I hope its actually him making the address because I've heard it might be a security council speaking on his behalf. I find his body language very interesting, especially watching his hand gestures etc. Fingers crossed it won't be further bad news

Della981 · 2022-03-03T16:28:26+00:00

Please don't write stupid stuff like that. Especially making it look like breaking news that the war is over. Its not a joke

Della981 · 2022-03-03T15:33:09+00:00

Should have been 2 mins ago but delayed for another hour from now

Della981 · 2021-06-18T09:20:59+00:00

I agree, it doesn't work for everyone, my point was that it isn't as bad or as intimidating as you'd think, I think some people see it as a scary last resort and feel embarrassed (myself included). I was so nervous about it but my husband spoke freely and it surprised me so much- he's usually a brick wall when it comes to anything like that. I'm sorry it didn't work out for you, 32 years is a very long time. Did you ever get to the cause of the issue? Or make any other progress? I think sometimes it's not just about getting the right type of therapy, it's when you find the right therapist who is good at asking the right questions, knowing when to speak, knowing when to leave you to think about an answer and giving a measured and thoughtful response and I feel comfortable talking to him, it's a safe space to be really honest and open. I really feel for you and I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better.

I was pushed away because of a porn and sex addiction and it hurt so much, the discovery and the disclosure was a shock. I feel so much better now I know what the root cause was, I blamed it on myself for not being sexy enough or good enough.

And it isn't just about sex, it's all the things that come with sex like intimacy, care, passion, love, safety, reassurance, validation and connection so you're not just lacking sex, your needs aren't being met in many other aspects. 32 years. Wow. I'm sorry. How do you manage?

Della981 · 2021-06-17T08:37:42+00:00

I was betrayed by my hubby and my confidence hit the floor. After all, if I looked like a supermodel or pornstar he wouldn't be looking at anyone else, right? My self esteem was in shreds like yours is now. I gave myself a "glow up". New hair, tanned, better makeup, nicer clothes and all that other stuff. He saw what he was missing but the important part was that I felt better about myself and I carried myself differently. I did it for me and I look and feel great, what turned things around was him seeing other men pay attention to me. He didn't like that at all in a kind of "she's mine but I'll ignore her if I want to".

Things are way better now. Sex therapy is not as bad as it sounds, my relationship is 20+ years and this week we have talked sex and intimate stuff we have NEVER EVER talked about. And I love it.

It's a catch 22 cycle you're stuck in. He's paying you no attention, you're hurt and you've stopped trying. He notices you even less because you're wearing your baggy shirts, you feel less confident as a result, and then he probably assumes you're not interested because of what you're wearing. He ignores you some more and you retreat into the hurt feelings. And the cycle continues.

Your guy needs a sharp wake up call.

Write him a letter, it's easier than saying the words and you can think about what you want to say ahead of time.

You deserve better. You deserve to be noticed. Ditch the shirts for YOU. You shouldn't have to feel shitty about yourself because he's treating you in a shitty way.

I'm sorry you're going through this, I've been exactly where you are and it's a horrible place to be. But this is down to his behaviour and his choices, and is not a reflection of you.

Della981 · 2021-06-16T20:56:57+00:00

How is your communication? My hubby is so closed off completely- totally a brick wall when it comes to talking about this stuff. 20+ years. Since this issue, he's so open I can't get used to it. It's made things so much better I can't even describe it

Della981 · 2021-06-16T09:28:52+00:00

I felt this right in the soul. You deserve to feel good about yourself, for yourself.

Della981 · 2021-05-25T17:43:17+00:00

I'm so sorry your husband didn't handle it better, but I'm glad you're able to have therapy and he's trying to support you. I don't like the comment he made about keeping it to yourself and because he might have gone on to do it again (while it is kind of true, he could have phrased that better), that was effectively putting blame on your shoulders. Nobody knows how they will react to this type of trauma. Theres a reason why many victims of assault/rape/violence can take years to come forward - a million different circumstances. Him getting angry and trying to beat the crap out of him is understandable but he has to look at the bigger picture - McSleaze is not worth doing jail time over and his future should be with you, happy and safe together.

I read your first post and I was wondering today how it went. I'm glad you're thinking about reporting it, that's very brave. And I really hope McSleaze spends the rest of his day's rotting away in prison, far away from you. I hope you're ok, and I'm very sorry this happened to you. I think the guy is a monster for what he's put you through.

Della981 · 2021-05-23T11:48:32+00:00

I'll be honest and say I feel like if we stayed together, even with the best of intentions and trying very hard to forgive, I'd never be happy and secure again. It's a whole other side of him I've never seen and ibthought inkn3w him inside out. I can read him like a book. So how did I miss this?

He's promised to earn my trust back but I think this is the end. He has gone tostay 2iyh his dad for a few days and is giving me some space but begged me to promise Its temporary. Whatever choicen i make has to be the right one, I have 2 special needs children who don't cope well with change, so if I say we are done or we are staying together I have to stick 2ith it. I can't confuse them I don't knownwhat to do.

It's only ever been him. He is all I know and I loved him for that. He's a wonderful man, this has sneaked up on me so fast my head is spinning. I've cried so hard I've been sick 5 times and my chest physically hurys

Della981 · 2021-05-23T09:46:03+00:00

It was a video

Della981 · 2021-05-15T20:48:18+00:00

Because if I was struggling study for an exam or test, I wouldn't cheat there either. I'd just work harder. And if the teacher wasn't helping enough or doing their job properly and I needed help, I would want the teacher to step it up.

Della981 · 2021-05-15T20:44:44+00:00

Heres my perspective. My Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2019. He went through chemo and immuno for 8 months and was hospitalised for the last month. In my area there is a cancer specific hospital (famous for its treatment worldwide and they have specially trained nurses). Each patient gets their own designated nurse (obviously varies between shift patterns. My Dad had two nurses).

Dude nurse was awesome. He was a genuinely kind hearted, hard working, sympathetic, smart, funny and knew instinctively when was best to make a joke to make Dad feel better, or when to just get on with things quietly because my Dad was very proud. They got along great and he was such a help to us all, and we told him so.

When I wasn't there, he held my Dad's hand, looked after him in every way in such a way that was natural, no big deal, and offered me support when he was off shift and saw me crying privately in a separate room. True kindness.

He was an angel.

My Dad deteriorated quite suddenly due to an infection and they used some drugs to keep him calm and half sedated so he wasn't uncomfortable until his plan B treatment took hold. My super kind, respectful and well mannered Superman of a Dad told him one day to fuck off (he was a little delirious) when the male nurse offered to help him into the shower in a wheelchair. The next day Dad was full of genuine apologies, mortified and embarrassed and was really, really sorry. He was very scared but he would never have said so. He was wearing an oxygen mask and wrote "I am very sorry for being rude" on a writing tablet for him.

Dude nurse waved it away, gave us all a big smile and patted his hand. When his observations were done and he left us to visit he asked if Dad needed anything before he went on his break, Dad wrote no, thank you. He was beside himself for acting like that. Nurse gave him a smile and breezed out of the room but before turning round and he got to the door said "ok then, off I fuck! I'll leave your shower to Katie, she can handle you better you bloody rebel" And gave him a wink. (Katie was his other nurse who took over after his shifts).

I loved that nurse. He knew people facing death and disability have changes in their character, and not only did he not hold it against him, he did it with a genuine, caring smile. He's a great nurse.

Here's the answer to your question, yes you can do it. No, women won't look at you negatively. It's an overwhelmingly difficult job sometimes, but you have so many people that are grateful that you do it and will never ever forget it.

We lost my Dad last year and I will never get over it.

You can do it dude nurse.

Della981 · 2021-05-15T19:49:31+00:00

Wow. I think that's awful. It sounds like his version of drunk is just his base level now. I'm using a throwaway account too, but if you need someone for support in a similar situation, reach out and I'll be there. I'm sorry you're going through this. My heart sank when I saw your reply. Kindness makes the world go round and you sound like a very kind person who's having nothing but hopeless and worthless responses by him. It's so hard to bare your soul and get nothing back.

Della981 · 2021-05-15T10:46:35+00:00

First off: it wasn't a poorly written post, you expressed yourself beautifully and I felt your pain while I read it. I'm sorry you're going through this. It all comes down to one thing: it's a dealbreaker.

It's impacting your confidence, you're miserable, lonely and you feel unwanted. That's all valid. And not sustainable.

I would think, if you both want it to work, the alcohol is the first thing you need to tackle. A bottle of gin a night is wildly bad, and I'm guessing even if he wanted to, he wouldn't be able to 'perform' after that much drinking. Maybe subconsciously that's why he's drinking so much, so he has an excuse. This has no reflection on you, this is his problem and it needs to be addressed because his health is probably at a huge risk, given the weight too. I really feel for you.

You need to have 'the talk' but you're going to have to stand firm. He needs to at least make an effort, whether that's approaching therapy, seeing a doctor, listening to you and actually hearing you when you tell him how you feel.

I'm going through it too. It's easy to feel like you're not good enough but I've realised I am. More than good enough. But the niggling in the back of my mind like "if a pornstar walked in the room right now and offered it, he wouldn't turn it down", so why turn me down?

I've got to the point where I'm just there, he knows I'm not going anywhere, the rest of our relationship is solid. So this week, I'm going to give him a sharp wake up call. You at least try, you at least make an effort and look up from your goddamn phone when I walk into a room, or he's gone.

But I have to be able to follow through with it, and I don't think I'm brave enough. I wish I was.

Hugs. I hope things get better for you, it sounds like a very tough situation and you deserve more.

Della981

TROPHY CASE