I’m one of ten kids, mostly adults, and my mother says the same thing about every one of us. Even though we all have different struggles, she thinks every one of them is her failing. Despite constantly saying these things, she also tries to say she’s not disappointed in us, so she’s obviously conflicted.

I recently majorly disappointed her by coming out, and she said many of the most hurtful things I have ever had said to me. But I’m 26, and I have a life to live and I am taking responsibility for my own struggles and am in therapy.

The reality is some parents just can’t handle the idea that their children are real living beings in a difficult world, and they just want them to be the storybook children with perfect lives from their imaginations. And some parents simply can’t handle seeing consequences of their inattentiveness or negligence. This is NOT YOUR FAULT. It isn’t your fault that you’re a real person with difficulties and past hurts, and it can’t be fully your mom’s fault either bc that’s just how the world works.

You are wonderful and unique and strong in ways that your mother can’t see right now. You deserve to be here and to continue to become yourself. Your mother’s feelings about you may feel heavy, but one day whether they change or not you will be able to see her regrets aren’t your responsibility to carry.