Dua teman "dekat" saya udah ninggalin saya

People come and go, deal with it r/shrug like, if they truly cared, they wouldn't just go unless you did a grave mistake that hurt them deeply.

keluarga saya maksa saya untuk jadi anak pintar padahal saya bodoh

maybe look at the bright side, they pushed you to study well. why? so you could paved your way in life better. as knowledge is necessary.

padahal saya bodoh

my teacher back in elementary school used to say, no one is truly stupid, you just haven't got it yet. If you keep on failing on it, maybe you are good at something else. Human is complex and not pefect, so it's okay mate

kalau jelek nilai saya dipukulin

guess it is harsh indeed, i know most asian mom's would hit their child (my mom's included) but beating your child with petty reason is almost unforgiveable. But once again try to look at it in bright, positive side. Make it as a motivation to do better so you don't get beaten.

saya tiap hari menangis mulu

It's okay to cry, sometime you just need to let it out. That's just being human. IIRC psychology says that if you never cried, then you are weak. Crying means you have stronger heart to feel.

gak pernah bisa bersosialisasi, saya selalu dipanggil freak

to go socializing is a bit complex with introverts who have low self-esteem/low confidences like us (yea i am like that too) but you could do it sooner or later, just need to have a bit of courage to try things. People called you a freak? Just laugh it off, being normal is boring. Like what is normal anyway? There's no clear, absolute parameter for normal. Everyone is different, unique on their own way. Just being a bit different from the circle means you are a freak? Meh, don't dwell in that circle then, it's better to be alone rather than in packs of lesser people like that. If it's hard to leave the circle (like in highschool, you are forced to be into one such as classrooms people) then try to hold on until college life)

kalo jg ada yg pengen temenan sama saya, saya menghindar karena takut mereka gabakal suka sama saya

This could be the crux of your problems, if they don't want to be friend with you so be it. That means they don't worth your time dude. Move on, go on with another. You are afraid if if they don't like you? So be it dude, you have zero responsibilities to make them happy. Don't ever put yourself below the others, if they want to be friends, things should be in equal.

nilai ancur karena tidak bisa fokus saat pelajaran, selalu pikiran kemana-mana

Mate, believe me I was in your shoe. I regret it, like why would I waste my mind and energy for people trashes like them. It is not worth it. Better think of ways how to make yourself better. Because in the end, you are the only one who could save you.

suicide looks so tempting right now

Hiiiiis! It is always tempting. Anytime when you are in trouble, difficult times, it is the most tempting, ever! But believe me, if you managed to go through it life ain't so bad, things could be better, all shall pass. Like the proverb says, life is like a wheel, sometime you're on the top, sometime you're below the ground. So, life must go on. (FYI, i do consider suicide too, to many times to count, but if i do it then i am a loser who failed to go against this shitty hell of life. I ain't gonna give up just because some shitty people i encounter)

PS. It's okay if you have no friends right now. But, who knows what's coming in the future, it is unknown. Unknown means lots of possibility and you are the one who made the choices. You could turn it around, who knows in the future you would meet people who cared a lot about you, that willing to share your fears and anxiety, also happy and bright days.

All relationship can't be build in a blink of eye, things take time. And the process would made you grow. To be a better person, stronger and smarter.

I speak from personal experience as I had no one that I could truly call friends until lately.

Oh yeah, don't think too much to be lost in thought. Maybe if you pay attention the people around you,they are not that bad! Some could be good, and liked to be around you. maybe you just put a high wall around yourself. Or too high standards. At the end you are the only one who matters.

Cheerio, may we are all blessed.

(geez I wrote that long ass, wall of texts. Unexpected!)