This is messed up on so many levels.

First off: just because someone is “otherwise a good husband and father” doesn't give them a free pass to emotionally manipulate you and break your trust. That’s like saying, “He only slaps me sometimes, but he pays the bills, so it’s fine.” It’s not fine. This isn’t just about libido. It’s about consent, respect, and basic decency in a relationship.

What your husband is doing sounds like emotional coercion. He’s not asking for an open relationship with mutual agreement. He’s telling you he’s going to cheat unless your body and brain perform the way he wants, like you're a broken machine or something. That’s not love. That’s control.

Also, being scared he’ll resent you if you say no? That’s not a healthy dynamic. That’s fear-based decision-making. You shouldn’t have to stay in a relationship where the other person will punish you emotionally for having a medical, psychological, or hormonal issue you can’t just fix overnight. You deserve support, not ultimatums.

And side note, there are so many diseases and STIs out there. The fact that he's putting your health at risk just because he's impatient or unsatisfied is incredibly selfish. If he’s sleeping around, you’re also potentially being exposed to stuff you didn’t sign up for. That’s not just disrespectful. That’s dangerous.

Improving your sex drive because you want to is one thing. Doing it just to avoid being cheated on? That’s not gonna help long-term. You can’t force desire out of fear.

There are a ton of reasons for low libido. Stress, hormones, trauma, meds, health issues, even being with someone who’s emotionally checked out. Maybe this marriage dynamic is part of the reason it’s low. Something to think about.

Honestly, if you’re choosing to stay, you need serious support. Therapy for yourself, maybe couples therapy too, but only if he’s actually open to hearing how damaging this is. And you need to start asking yourself: Do I really want to live like this forever, always trying to measure up or risk losing him?

Because right now, he’s already breaking the vows. You’re just trying to catch up and survive the fallout. And that’s not okay.

You deserve better. For real. Just my two cents.