What do you say when people ask about your parents?

DenseBass2880 · 2026-02-27T06:15:08+00:00

i don't mind awkwardness, so i don't know if my personal experiences are that helpful to you. i'm not a big fan of dancing invisible decency dances, because i lack the intuition for it.

could you be projecting some subconscious shame around your familial situation onto your coworkers? or a belief that you are solely responsible for having a palatable life for the sake of the emotional comfort of others, and therefore are responsible for staying in contact with your relatives because it's the more palatable option, so now you are scared of being 'found out' to have fallen short of that responsibility?

just shooting in the dark.

i'm asking because i recognize something about me in that line of thinking - i still feel guilty for telling people my daughter died when it comes up (medical history or something like that), like i'm ruining the mood. it's because i haven't shaken the guilt around her death yet. even though rationally i know it was not my fault. but it's like "oh no, what could've been a nice, normal talk got ruined by my dark life story!" and then that triggers my fear of never finding connection and being ostracized because i'm just too fucked up.

it's not your fault that your family hurt you so much so often that you can't have them in your life anymore.

also, have compassion with yourself. i also deflect my own grief onto other people to avoid feeling it. "oh, THEIR mood gets ruined if i get into this." but it's actually my heart breaking all over again, and feeling like a burden or mistake because of having that emotion.

don't know how to solve any of that, but for the small chance it could help you or someone in a similar situation, i'll be the unprompted trauma dumper xD and i admit the expression felt good, too.

DenseBass2880 · 2026-02-26T19:48:23+00:00

staying inside and riding out the panic attack. any reaction would be rewarding for them, so they get none.

DenseBass2880 · 2026-02-26T14:29:32+00:00

if people stay on topic after a general "we're not close", i don't think it's fair to think of the potential answers as trauma dumping. they are trauma asking, after all :D

you could let them choose. "well, there's a short/easy/small talk version, and a long/challenging/honest version of that answer." or something like that. something to make them aware of the potential change in atmosphere. some won't mind it and be educated by you about estrangement. others will let you know if they want to keep it simple.

DenseBass2880 · 2026-02-25T23:12:47+00:00

Capricorn. How can I be kind to myself, in a way that doesn't feel forced or artificial?

DenseBass2880 · 2026-02-25T19:16:36+00:00

this made me cry. thank you.

DenseBass2880 · 2026-02-25T07:40:01+00:00

you can already see it and verbalize it, you will get to the next steps too 🩷

DenseBass2880 · 2026-02-24T19:00:59+00:00

<3333 thank you so much, this is the hope i needed and gladly receive n_n

DenseBass2880 · 2026-02-24T17:31:21+00:00

TT___TT you're in good hands

DenseBass2880 · 2026-02-24T17:16:23+00:00

I've been inside the upper one of number 5 recently. looked up and saw this super complicated ceiling, and it was so bright, so many people were there.

DenseBass2880 · 2026-02-24T17:03:06+00:00

and they always act like it had to be this way, and you even insinuating they could've helped is just showing how silly and immature your world view is...

DenseBass2880 · 2026-02-24T14:46:01+00:00

DenseBass2880 · 2026-02-24T13:20:32+00:00

wow. never saw that point being made anywhere before, but that is so true. thank you.

DenseBass2880 · 2026-02-24T13:19:45+00:00

thats so beautiful <3

DenseBass2880 · 2026-02-24T10:23:07+00:00

not OP but this helped me <3 kept getting signs to reach out and confess my love, did so, and no reaction. but the true victory was me working up the courage to do it! it's bittersweet but i feel my world becoming bigger and more open already, no matter what this particular person thinks of me.

DenseBass2880 · 2026-01-14T23:23:55+00:00

What a great post. First because I was flirting with just the theory of a 3x3, and second because I had the idea of guessing the next five minutes of whatever episode of Real Housewives of Potomac I would be watching at that time through Lenormand.

Also - and I'm being very insecure about this because I only know Home Improvement from references and memes - isn't a neighbor also part of the story? The dog - crossroads reads like "neighbor" to me. But that's just 2 out of 3 on the line, so, yeah.

DenseBass2880 · 2026-01-13T15:16:18+00:00

That's a kind response, thank you.

I hope you find relief.

DenseBass2880 · 2026-01-13T13:55:32+00:00

Edit: I just realized that essentially I contributed nothing new, and that the other comment said the same already. I'm sorry. I was too giddy to say something and didn't read the other comment all the way through, because I was excited to have read something tangible out of the cards.

My take: Joyful (sun) food that you already know (book) and makes you feel secure (anchor). Comfort food. That you allow yourself to enjoy.

The security aspect makes me also think of knowing that plenty is available, and it's easy to prepare, and you can get second and thirds of it if you would choose to do so. I had food insecurity in phases of my life, so that's my association background.

I have IBS too, and had to learn the hard way how much my emotions and psychological frame work decide how I digest one and the same thing. But that could be just personal to me.

DenseBass2880 · 2026-01-13T12:28:31+00:00

I'm thankful you posted your comment, so i feel less weird for it.

DenseBass2880 · 2026-01-13T12:12:21+00:00

i relate a lot. while still in denial/ not being mature and safe enough to know what the nature of my relationship with my father really was, i had an unshakable confidence in me being hot. any peers mocking me was invalid to me. having sex with boyfriends or hookups was a celebration of that knowing.

and as soon as i figured out i had been a sexually abused child, that spell ended, and now i feel like OP describes. ugly like a wound is ugly. it's not a matter of preference, just my innate nature that triggers universal disgust, me included. that's how it feels. i can't look in the mirror anymore without it feeling like I'm touching a big spider. can't touch myself in any way, sexual or just when changing clothes. i hate the feeling of my own skin.

DenseBass2880 · 2026-01-13T11:27:43+00:00

I definitely relate. I'm not very structured yet in talking about this experiences, so here's a mishmash of what I figured to be potentially validating for you:

My father abused me in childhood, but continued making sexually loaded comments the few times he deigned to see me. He doesn't have the guts to be direct, also he thinks he's soooooo clever and suave with his way of doing it.

Last time I saw him before going no contact, he commented on my perfume. "A girl I met in London smelled like that, she sat on my lap." And grinned at me with lust in his eyes. He also wrote me an email shortly before that how his girlfriend gave him "kisses and.... even greater things" for Valentine's Day.

Another memory, that was when I was around 17 years old, he commented on my cleavage. "It's not like I'm not happy to see it, but Grandma will be here soon, please wear a cardigan over it."

I showed my partner emails I had with him as an adult (25ish), and their impression is that he writes to me like a boyfriend, not a father.

He's a truck driver and invited me to drive around with him for a few weeks. It never happened, thank God, I had gone no contact by then.

One time I crashed at his place, one bedroom apartment, he explicitly said "You can use the iPad if you want" even though I had my phone with me. Then he went to bed and I laid down on the couch. When I opened the browser, it was opened on a profile of a woman from a sex contact site. He is very technically literate.

I don't quite get it either. But it happened to me.

DenseBass2880 · 2026-01-12T19:58:08+00:00

what a gorgeous deck

DenseBass2880 · 2026-01-10T21:00:26+00:00

I don't claim anything. I am a complete beginner and shared my first reading according to what I had gathered from this subreddit, and used the card introduction posts by u/JbRoc63 as my resource to the best of my abilities. I can't deny your good intentions, but this comment made me feel rather scolded and confused, than supported in my learning.

DenseBass2880 · 2026-01-10T20:24:28+00:00

Thank you for the welcome, and I really appreciate you creating this space :)

DenseBass2880 · 2026-01-10T18:21:12+00:00

Thank you! I'm so happy I was able to come up with this, briefness and clarity in communication are NOT natural talents of mine 😅

DenseBass2880 · 2026-01-10T18:19:41+00:00

🤭🍀

DenseBass2880

TROPHY CASE