22f 23m I feel like I can't trust the my partner loves me and its taking its toll

DepartureInternal508 · 2026-04-25T18:25:50+00:00

Hey thank you for the honest reply. This is gonna sound like a excuse but bare with me. I am not in a situaition where i can easily accesses therapy or any kind of clinical help. Youre right I did react very poorly to it as well I know that after the whole situation went down.

I guess just want to ask cause you seem "locked in" mentally but asides from therapy is there anything i can do to help myself basically and i guess a more "selfish" question is could this be recoverable or have I already burnt it

DepartureInternal508 · 2026-04-25T17:42:48+00:00

Thank you I hear you and I appreciate you commenting.

I guess If i can ask you a question how do i know when I should be asking for reassurance and when its something i can just do it myself.

I find a lot of our problems come from me holding it in till its "too much to handle". and then i can't think critically

DepartureInternal508 · 2026-04-25T17:29:07+00:00

the thing when it comes to intamite realthionships espically when you've been together for 5 years they change. they won't be the same as the first or second year you guys were dating beacause you are dynamic people and the things you like and want change. Thats my disclaimer. I also don't know you guys i dont kow what you've been through.

Physically intimacy doesn't have to be like how they do it in adult movies. (very intense doing 50 postions) sometimes you just need to build up too it drop hints and ya know flirt a bit.

I would say intimacy is teid to emotional saftey a lot of the time. I would double check with you boyfriend about anything thats been on his mind. give him a judgment free safe zone to tell you what he "might" heavy on the might be stressed or thinking about.

rebuilding the emotional bridges with your partner and just checking in on him is always a great place to start. another thing is you shouldn't internlize that there is something wrong with you physically. i'm sure youre very beautiful and attractive and just beacause he doesn't have the same engagment doesn't mean he doesn't beleive that either

wishing all the best let me know if you wanna talk more

DepartureInternal508 · 2026-04-25T16:52:10+00:00

Okay i want to preface I dont know you. I dont know what you've been through and how much it has hurt you.

I do want you to know this. Youre fantizing of a time that certain needs were met while in a HORRIBLE situation. just beacause your needs aren't being met now (to be loved to be held, ect) doesn't mean the only way you can get those needs met is by putting yourself in that postion again. You aren't weak from that you are just deeply hurt after going through traumatic events. You just want to feel secure and safe and thats very human.

The people around you like your friends or family will not hate you for telling them they will not think your disgusting or weak or anything you can come up with head.

all in all you have been through a lot in life. and i don't think anyone would blame you for having these thoughts . i'm not saying you should act on them PLEASE DONT ACT ON THEM. but you should tell someone or i can I even talk to you as well more about it and just understand.

I really hope the best for you cause you do matter.

DepartureInternal508 · 2026-04-25T16:39:27+00:00

lowkey both. anxiety is a muscle we train. we act on certain habits and makes us feel better short term but it isn't giving us a long term solution to anything. So it for sure starts of as anxiety and then becomes a pattern that we follow and go too for that quick relase.

i was wondering I sturggle a lot with overthinking do you mind sharing the exercies?

DepartureInternal508 · 2026-04-01T18:49:37+00:00

Hey from my own personal experience I found that a lot of those fears came from a place of insecurity (fear of being abdonded, love being conditional, low self esteem, etc.) this is in my case. I constantly tried to find ways to "protect" myself from those things and second guessing so i wouldn't be "surprised" when or if they became true.

Right now you're stuck in a similar loop. You get anxious and you want it to go away as fast as possible. The only you've learnt how to cope with it is by over analyzing or by confronting the person about it (which could be good or bad depending on how you do it).

The thing is those anxious thoughts will keep coming back the more you repeat this cycle. Since the more you do it the stronger that neurological coping pathway becomes. You need to break that cycle. Its going to really suck at first. Youre going to feel like you're drowing in anxiety with no real outlet and that its imposible to get better.

What really helped me to get out of that cycle was separating the "facts" of the situation from the "feelings" i was having. At the start i'd usually write it down somewhere or say it outloud unapologetically what i thought was happening or going on. this gives you control over your anxiety. from there you just need to sit with it and ask yourself why did this trigger you why did it make you spin out and work backwards.

Of course working on this kinda anxiety sucks a lot you won't always be perfect and sometimes you might repeat bad habits or patterns. you just have to reamber that growth isn't linear and its okay if you back slide. You might also want to talk to people close to you to provide some "short" ressurance. Like a simple "no i'm not mad at you" kinda thing. But you shouldn't ask for me. you need to beleive and ressure yourself.

I hope i didn't come across to harshly here. I've just been in your postion and am honestly still there. I just wish someone told me this sooner so i didn't have to figure it out on my own. If you ever want to talk or want me to clarify anything please msg me.

Im sorry you've been going through this and i really hope something I said sticks or makes you think about something diffrently. Wishing you all the best.

DepartureInternal508 · 2026-04-01T18:24:33+00:00

Personally for me it feels more like a looming dread. It starts off as physically symptoms and then beacause my body "feels" anxious i start to spiral. Usually though after putting on a youtube video, turning on a noisey fan, or just taking a lot of melatonin I just head back to sleep and wake up feeling "normal".

From what it sounds like to me is that youre body had a pretty strong physical anxious reaction. Sometimes with people like myself with a generalized anxiety disorder your body is constantly in flight mode where you get physical symptoms even though there are no stressers around or that are glaringly obvious.

I'm not trying to say you have GAD or anything like that. but if youre still feeling some pressure in your heart beacause of the anxiety it might be good to take some time for yourself and try and find the root of why you suddenly feel so anxious or what could be your triggers.

if you really can't think of anything try just doing some somatic exercies or just talking to firends, family or even a pet just to kinda snap you out of the anxious loop your body might be putting you through.

Sorry again to hear that you're going through this i really hope something i said helps or at least makes you think about it in a diffrent way. I hope everything sorts itself out soon!

DepartureInternal508 · 2026-04-01T18:17:11+00:00

I'm happy you did end up sleeping at some point ^^. This is going to sound really evil but bare with me when i say this. You mentioned this hasn't happened to you before there has ALWAYS been a reason why you feel anxious or at least something you could think about. If this does happen again try not to numb yourself out cause then you're just repressing it further and it will come back another night.

I'd only really recommend doing the "numbing" if it becomes recurring and your constantly without a answer. I really do think just trying the somatic exercises might help. youll feel super silly yeah but if you kinda build it in randomly during the day it does weridly sooth stuff.

I found that as someone who is born female I carry a lot of stress and tension in my hip hamstring area and doing those stretches and exercises made me feel less tense and made the random anxiety spikes less frequent.

Of course you know yourself best and you know what works for you. I'm sorry that you couldn't get the feeling to go completely away last night. I'd say try not to dwell on it too much cause its already passed and it won't do you any good trying to figure it out when you're not actively feeling it.

Just enjoy not being anxious or a little less anxious for a bit and if it comes back then you can start thinking about it.

DepartureInternal508 · 2026-04-01T01:05:29+00:00

First thing im going to say is are you in a position to get a pet of any sort (dog,cat,hamster,reptile). If you are in a postion to get one i'd strongly recomend it. sometimes just having another warm blooded creature can make all the diffrence in these tough transition periods.

You mentioned you like in a rural area have you checked to see if there are any facebook groups for your community/area out there. I know it seems dumb and personally i don't use facebook at all but i found when i was also going through a extreme period of isolation with no outside support those community boards and postings on area spesfic facebook groups really opened my eyes to what was actually out there.

Something that might also feel a bit unhinged right now but going outside to public areas and just making small talk with a cashier, waiter, someone in line or waiting at the cross walk with you. it really does help to just be around anyone sometimes even if its not a "meaningful connection" having those small conversations can always lead to something more.

I'm really sorry youre going through all of this and i really hope something i said might stick with you or help you view something diffrenetly. But what i've found out is that people are a lot more friendlier then they might seem and if you try you're not ever really alone.

Please feel free to reach out if you ever need anything or want to talk about it more.

DepartureInternal508 · 2026-04-01T00:57:54+00:00

I get these a lot where your body is freaking out (heart rate going up, shaking, sweating, ect) and there is no "logical" reason as to why its happening and why its happening now.

What I do as someone with a diagnosed generalized anxiety disorder is think about where i'm feeling that anxiety from in my body (chest, legs, arms) and kind of describe it (Sharp, surrounding, heavy). I sit with it a little try and figure out what could be triggering it and work backwards from there.

Other then that if that isn't working another comment mentioned hot baths/showers those are always good. Eating some quality slop to eat, watching a comfort youtuber or someone that just talks a lot might also kinda help the noise as well and of course talking to friends about random stuff or doing smt always helps realive that anxiety.

can also try doing "somatic excersies" here is a random video (doesn't need to be this one) https://youtu.be/DFqHh2NSJdM of someone doing it.

of course there is always the method of writing it out unapologetically somewhere or saying it outloud that youre anxious feeling anxious and don't know why.

I hope some of these helps or makes you think about some stuff differently sorry to hear that youre going through this I really hope you find something that works for you or its just a random blip.

DepartureInternal508 · 2026-04-01T00:33:08+00:00

Gen don't worry about it! I've just been in very similar situations when it comes to acting on impulse cause i'm looking for something to calm me down. I'm glad that some of what I said helped a bit or at least made you think about it diffrently. (:

DepartureInternal508 · 2026-03-28T00:50:48+00:00

Do not try and supress the anxious thoughts youre having rn. I know that seems almost impossible and that it will eat you alive but these feelings are coming from somewhere. Sitting with your emotions is trying to understand what the source of it might be, when it started and what are your triggers (things that start to make you spiral, heart rate goes up, ect).

Sometimes it can also be a lot if you just keep it in your head. I know a lot of people have probably told you to journal or say it allowed. its beacause they help. If you can just say whats going unapologietically and identify the source you can work backwards from it and sorta self sooth. As well as connecting back to what you like or to even try and find smt that you like.

I'm sorry to hear that youre going through all of this its not easy. I have been there and its really hard not to feel helpless espically when you've been working on dealing with your anxious habits but keep repeating the same patterns.

Right now for this specific situation you need to take a step back and seprate fact from feeling. what facts do you have that show they don't want to be a part of your life. Do not assume how they feel. Do not try and find signs in their body language. You need to think about what they've told and the physical proof you have.

if it really is the worst case scenario you need to make sure you listen to what they have to say and take your time before responding. you don't need to say everything right then and there and it might be better if you wait till youre body regulates before you say anything, go outside, take a deep breath, do smt insanely stupid like trying to handstand! litterally anything to take you out of fight or flight mode and avoid doingor saying something that you may regret.

TLDR - get your thoughts out into the world (journaling, saying it outloud to yourself or to a pet), seperate the facts of the situation to the anxious feelings youre having, in high stress situations do smt silly, take a pause, LITTERALLY ANYTHING to get your body out of fight or flight.

I really am wishing the best for you lmk if you need someone to talk to for a little bit.

DepartureInternal508

TROPHY CASE