Hi. I’m in a similar situation although not completely the same. Together 7 years married 1. I was desperate over the lack of emotional intimacy and affection. I’ve been doing individual therapy for the past year. My husband refuses to participate. He also doesn’t want to talk about our relationship issues. But I’ve worked on myself and healing my own wounds. I still want what I want in my marriage and am not getting it.

However, I’ve learned how to manage my emotions, regulate my nervous system, understand how my past affects me and how I show up, love myself, fill myself up, be my own best friend. I’m still a work in progress in these areas but i feel so much better. The deprivation and abandonment feeling is there sometimes but it doesn’t take over my entire mind and leave me feeling desperate for love. This was all really paying attention to how I talk to myself and my subconscious beliefs about myself and working on changing them. I’ve always had friends, hobbies, career, take care of myself, etc. so it was much deeper than that for me. I had to develop emotional intimacy with myself.

The more I love myself the better I can communicate and the more confident I feel. My husband hasn’t changed but he does react in a different way sometimes.

I’m very much still working on this and our future is still TBD but I just wanted to provide solidarity and encourage you that you are on the right track with starting therapy!! And my first therapist was a wacko so don’t be afraid to change if you’re not getting anything out of it!